In order to prevent their star employees from literally working themselves to death, the investment banking industry has begun to mandate several entire days off per month. That is one good reason to never work for an investment bank. In an email sent to his interns, Barclays banker Justin Kwan provides another ten.
Marrying an investment banker is definitely a great thing. You get tons of money, for one, and you always get to see your husband. Also, he definitely isn't an insane and horrible human being who recklessly ravages his mind and body with drugs and alcohol to the point that he urinates and defecates all over your million-dollar homes.
How did the American banking industry escape the crash of 2008 with so few scrapes and bruises, let alone so little jail time? It's easy to blame a general lack of regulation—but smarter to point the finger at the regulatory Securities and Exchange Commission itself. Last week one retiring SEC attorney, 66-year-old James Kidney, went out on a limb and agreed:
Oh-oh, a new study of entry-level investment bankers finds the young masters of the universe afflicted with "insomnia, alcoholism, heart palpitations, eating disorders and an explosive temper." And that's the young ones. Why destroy yourself like that? There are lots of safer activities than investment banking.
Eager for work in the financial industry, an MBA student fired off a PowerPoint presentation entitled "9 Reasons Why You SHOULD Hire Me As Your Investment Banking Analyst." And, because, "Passion Is Business," she reportedly landed several interviews.
