CNN anchor John King got so frustrated with his "magic" computerized touch-screen wall before the elections that he had a "meltdown" and told crew "I wish I brought a gun to work." To shoot the wall, one hopes.

Twin discrimination! Sexing to success! Kiddie irony! Erasing wrinkles! Beating obesity! Late night fat! Insomnia menopause! Blindness progress! And bilingualism! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—in English, y en Español (poquito)!

Incompetent superflack Ronn [sic] Torossian actually wrote an op-ed on "The Importance of SEO." Ahem.

Watch as gay freaks who want families of their own, and thus hate families, "bully and intimidate" a poor Albany woman who was just trying to sit and watch a National Organization for Marriage rally in peace. She was threatened!

Since there aren't any more Snuggie jokes to be made, Americans have moved on to ironically loving a new ridiculous product: the TV Hat. Can we all agree to stop wasting our money on this crap?

Is it possible to fulfill half a dozen gay stereotypes and also preach hateful bigotry about homosexuality in the name of religion? Adam Hood of Recycle Your Faith says: Yes. (This is a parody, right? Right?) [Joe. My. God. via]

Is there anyone left who's not boycotting Arizona? Oh yea: PR executives.

Conservative publisher Andrew Breitbart explained his "irony mustache" today. This is like an "ironic mustache," except for old people. Listen to Breitbart and MSNBC's Dylan Ratigan re-enact a conversation that was had 100,000 times in early-00s Williamsburg dive bars.

Right now the New York Times website features an ad for the new Queen Latifah movie Just Wright next to a story about country music star Chely Wright coming out of the closet in this week's issue of People. Oh, the irony! A screenshot is below:

Donny Deutsch got a weeklong anchor slot on MSNBC. He did a segment about angry TV pundithosts (click to watch). One of those featured was fellow MSNBCer Keith Olbermann. Now, Donny's been dumped from his gig. Why?

Those wily pirates are at it again, this time grabbing a South Korean super tanker loaded with Iraqi oil bound for the US. Double steal.

Whoops, Sarah Palin said something that sounded "folksy" and "commonsensical" when she thought of it that turned out to be an explicit endorsement of liberal policy. Did you know that she used to take advantage of socialized medicine?

Betty White, 88, is having a moment. She has movie roles, a Facebook campaign, and a popular ad when most actresses her age only have cataracts. Why do we support this comeback? Because it is free of irony and nostalgia.

Well, well, well. How does Rupert Murdoch feel about his precious newspaper war now? (Just fine). Rupert was so hot to build a New York edition of the WSJ to crush the rival New York Times once and for all, but apparently there is one small issue: he needs to borrow the NYT's printing press to make this whole thing work.

After two board members were charged with theft and sexual harassment, members of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference marched through Atlanta "with signs...calling the [SCLC's own] board members thieves and liars." The view from the mountaintop is unspeakably beautiful. [NYT]

Every year they add a new level to the Dantean inferno that is artistic living in Brooklyn. Now that the youth hostel of infinite microphone feedback, McKibbin flats, is so 00's, they're building an ironic trailer park for 2010.

Esquire decided to SAVE MAGAZINES this month by putting another weird little "hold it up to your webcam" hologram augmented-reality gizmo on the cover, but alas: the magical doohickey is obscured by the address label. Curse you, ignoble media irony.

Eliot Spitzer will deliver a lecture on ethics at Harvard's Center for Ethics this afternoon. $20 anyone who manages to utter Ashley Dupre near an open mic.

Normally the city council of Sutton (UK) is very much of the "No Graffiti Here, Thank You," school of thought. But then a famous graffiti guy, Banksy, did a piece! So they voted to preserve it.

Remember those charming self-help Chicken Soup for the Soul books that went from bestselling lists to greeting card stores to the bargain bin? They can also be filed in the "Impetus For Irreversible Psychological Damage" section as well!