Sign That Shit's Bad: Ivy League alum deigning to include the previously excluded, those wannabe-Ivy guttertrash punks! What used to be considered a step above Chico State now makes the cut for scholastic Blue-Blooded's get-togethers. What gives? Introducing Ivy Plus.

In your fading Friday media column: America's most august lefty magazine learns how to makes Ca$h the Ebay way, Ivy League murder obsession explained, Suze Orman may wake you up soon, and some assholes still love Tom Friedman.

The grisly killing of Yale student Annie Le, whose body was discovered stuffed inside the wall of a campus lab yesterday, is just the latest in a string of high-profile crimes long enough to support a Law & Order spinoff.

Retiring Harvard professor Colonel Sanders Harvey Cox doddered onto Harvard Yard yesterday to graze his cow, as is his god damn right.

William Fitzsimmons, Harvard's dean of admissions, is taking questions on the New York Times' website. So far, 788 queries have been submitted. What do these questions tell us about American higher education? That it can make you crazy, times ten.

Are you Trad? Totally tradded? Traddin' it up? Doesn't the very term "Trad" sound like the first name of some prep school prick? Trad Rockefeller III, the inventor of the "Look at my blazer" look? It's all the rage!

Hard-up Harvard needs cash. So they signed a ten-year licensing deal with Manhattan fashion firm Wearwolf to lend their name to Harvard Yard, a clothing line endorsed and inspired by the ubiquitous Ivy League name-dropped school. It's awesomely ridiculous.

Harvard Medical School tried to tell its own students they couldn't speak to the (scary) media without the school's official permission. Shut up, college—literally! Haha. No we did not go to Harvard, why? Luckily!

Yale art major Aliza Shvarts induced many throwups amongst people who read about her induced-abortion art project last year. But she also induced, uh, Yale not letting somebody have a blood drive, for art? Something something, "meaning." Yale!

Yale University Press is publishing a book about the Danish Muhammad cartoon controversy of 2005. But Yale will not publish any images of the cartoons, or Muhammad, because Yale University Press is run by freedom-disregarding accommodationist pussies.

Listicle publication Forbes says that the US Military Academy, of all places, is "America's Best College." Is that even allowed? Competitor listicle publication the Princeton Review has struck back with its own outrageously outside-the-box college ranking listicle items!

Famous Judd Ashley Judd has enrolled at Harvard! She is working toward the Kennedy School's Mid-Career Master in Public Administration. That is the program for people who want to, like, run countries or the UN.

The players: Manhattan media playboy Jared Kushner's younger brother Joshua (pictured); Harvard students; rich people; and NYT faux-trend specialist Allen Salkin. It's a case where both an idea and the meta-coverage of the idea are equally enraging!

So, a young black man is murdered on the Harvard campus by another young black man; a black female Harvard student is kicked off campus as a result, and charges racism. Can you spot the elephant in this Ivy room?

Princeton was on lock down because somebody saw somebody walking around with a gun! But now the "all clear" has gone out. It was just drunk dumpster-diving townies threatening the Ivy Leaguers with a squirt gun, as usual:

Stereotypical rich boy Jared Kushner is helping needy college kids get loans! Harvard kids only.

Are you aware that rats "big enough to put saddles on" are currently streaming out of Harvard University's secret underground science experiment cave, in record numbers? We thought you should know.

High school kids' top "Dream schools": Stanford, Harvard, and Columbia. Frat Party Aspirations Fail.

Today in Ivy League math event news: Harvard has canceled its annual digit-reciting extravaganza "Pi Day." Despite last year's "pretty crazy" pi blowout:

Yale junior Jesse Maiman is suing US Airways for $1 million because his Xbox came up missing from his checked baggage. Excessive? Not when you consider that Xbox saved his friend's very sanity.