"Ja Rule Wants to Write Cookbook of Microwaveable Recipes." Why not?

Kim Kardashian threatens to sue a tabloid and denies a football player's sexy stories. Scarlett Johansson is a pushy conversationalist. Emma Stone sucked her thumb until she was 11. Flo Rida gets arrested. Thursday gossip contains two truths and a lie, but which is which?

Not good rapper Ja Rule, né Jeffrey Atkins, is set to turn himself in today, in order to begin serving a two year jail sentence for attempted criminal possession of a weapon. Back in 2007, New York "police found a loaded semi-automatic firearm — with the serial number scratched off — hidden in the backseat of his luxury Maybach sedan" on the Upper West Side. [CNN]

Chris Brown apologizes for breaking GMA's window. Whoopi Goldberg confesses she was high when she won her Oscar. Ashley Greene's post-Jonas rumspringa continues. And Westboro Baptist Church plans to protest at Liz Taylor's funeral. Thursday gossip has regrets.

Ja Rule's been sentenced to two years in prison for gun possession. Time to make pepper spray "cool."

What do Kelly Killoren Bensimon, Ja Rule, and Plaxico Burress all have in common? All three made appearances at the courthouse at 100 Centre Street this morning, which would have been a very convenient coincidence for waiting news photographers if they managed to catch them all. A "caramel-skinned" Kelly turned up with lawyer Ed Hayes to face charges she assaulted her boyfriend. (Her case was adjourned to June 8.)

Recognize these spotlight-loving criminal defense attorneys? Their identities (and some of their more notable clients) after the jump.

• It looks like Pat O'Brien might be back off the wagon following his email rant about Lara Spencer to the staffs of both The Insider and ET. [R&M, P6]

• Susan Sarandon says she's moving to Italy or Canada if John McCain is elected President in November. And she's not voting for Hillary Clinton just because she's a woman, because that would be sexist. [Liz Smith]
  

Ja Rule is the platinum-selling hip-hop artist who rose to fame with the hits "I'm Real" and "Always On Time" in the early 2000s. He is also famous for his numerous feuds with other rappers and, as of June 2011, for landing himself in jail.