When Tesla Motors launched its all-electric Roadster sports car, celebrities lined up to order one — including Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. Now we hear he's been trying to return it for months.

Here's something scary that exists: The Automotive Broadcasting Network ("Fueled by CBS"!), which beams soothing, automotive industry-friendly news into car dealerships, so as not to upset the customers. Katie Couric is a GM zombie!

Burns, the meticulous documentarian who chronicles various lives and movements in American history, has been cut loose by the extremely imperiled GM, after twenty-two years of sponsorship. He's not the only American dreamer they've dropped.

A Swiss man has confessed to extorting $10 million from Susanne Klatten, a billionaire German heiress to the BMW fortune, in a bizarre revenge attempt for her family's involvement with the Nazi regime.

Enraged by leaks at his troubled Silicon Valley electric carmaker, CEO Elon Musk cooked up a sophisticated electronic scheme to catch the blabbers. It backfired hilariously on the brilliant entrepreneur, who's a bit blabby himself.

Last year, class resentment in NYC consisted of the poors complaining about the excesses of the rich, while the rich paid no attention. But now the rich are forced to pretend to change. Slight progress!

Sunny Huang, a California woman who goes by "Asian Beauty Lily" online, wants $3 million for the story of her "glamorous and loving relationship" with Elon Musk, the CEO of troubled electric automaker Tesla Motors.

What happened to Darryl Siry, the Tesla Motors marketing chief who left the electric-car startup abruptly last December? He's turned up as a cleantech analyst. And we've learned the real reason why he left.

Here's something for conspiracy theorists: earlier this month, news emerged that the wife of financier Steven Rattner got a DUI last year, which was conveniently not reported upon. Now Rattner's Obama administration job has disappeared.

Silicon Valley is the land of dreams. Here's Elon Musk's dream: His electric-car startup has hundreds of millions of dollars in government loans and a bright financial future. Too bad that's all in his head.

Tesla Motors, the best hope of Silicon Valley's nascent clean-transportation industry, is headed over a financial cliff. The only question is how many customers the electric sportscar maker will take for a ride.

A dead body encased in solid ice for who knows how long was found—with only the feet sticking out—in an elevator shaft in a warehouse. In Detroit, obviously. By a reporter. One we know!

Would you like a day's worth of American Promise and Democracy summed up in ten brief internet videos? Yes you can click and watch the top ten moments of the Inauguration!

Always wanted to own a President's old car, but haven't been able to find one with a Hemi engine? Now you can buy Barack Obama's 2005 Chrysler 300C for a great price!

In this age of fossil fuel depletion, economic meltdown, and a dying US auto industry, how should consumers pick an automobile? By bowing to the demands of the world's most terrifying screeching red-haired brat:

German billionaire Adolf Merckle, one of the 100 richest people in the world, has killed himself by jumping in front of a train—emotionally "broken" over a bad bet on Volkswagen last year.

In public, executives at Tesla Motors, Silicon Valley's highest-profile green-technology startup, are saying there's nothing wrong with their all-electric cars. In private, though, CEO Elon Musk has chastised employees to make vehicles that work.

Apropos of nothing save the desire to inject a little cheer into your lives, we bring you now a shimmering pearl found inside the most unexpected of internet mollusk varieties: the Craigslist auto ad.

So it's happened: the Montauk Monster has sold out. This Brazilian Volkswagen ad purportedly features a "dogfish," but its true identity is clear. You've come a long way, Monty. Video proof after the jump:

Popular gay socialist Barney Frank is trying to run these auto industry bailout hearings in Congress, but he has to spend time dealing with so much unimportant crap. Here he is trying to explain speaking time limits and travel arrangements for today's hearing. One of his snide-ass colleagues chimes in to tell the auto execs that he won't ask about their travel arrangements: "I'm a congressman, not a Conde Nast travel agent." Yea, you wish you were a Conde Nast travel agent, dork. Also, are you calling Barney Frank gay? Click to watch the outrage.