• Britney Spears might be a repeat offender when it comes to child neglect. Spears' other repeated offenses include releasing albums, wearing scrunchies, and humping K-Fed. [TMZ]
• Courtney Love reportedly has her shit together and was acting, yes, like a lady at the Chateau Marmont. Unfortunately, she's so reformed that we're not sure New York will ever get her back. Time to start auditioning replacements. [Page Six]
• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban give one another cold, Aussie glares. [IOL]
• Jay-Z is reportedly at work at another album. No surprise there — everyone knows that when speaking Hova, "retirement" means "new record." [Page Six]
• Mario Batali's landlord thinks he's a orange-clogged pirate. [Lowdown]
• Ralph Fiennes ends his 11-year romance with Francesca Annis. 'Tis the season, after all. [R&M]

• Irate supermodel Naomi Campbell, having had more than her fair share of niceties on Tyra Banks's show, turns her wrath on Nicole Richie, who "disobeyed" Campbell by hanging out with Nicky Hilton. Wait — Nicole is still friends with Nicky? Does Paris know? And how do they acheive such a dangerous balance? [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• As it turns out, Long Island's body armor king David H. Brooks — he who just gave his daughter a $10 million Bat Mitzvah with 50 Cent and Aerosmith at the Rainbow Room — is under investigation by the SEC. But at least his little princess is happy! [Fox411 via Page Six]
• Rapper Jay-Z spends two years writing his memoir with writer Dream Hampton, only to freak and refuse its publication. We appreciate being thus spared. [R&M]
• Jayson Blair overheard at a hotel bar in Columbus, Ohio: "I kept rooting for Judy [Miller] to fuck up the paper more than I did, but not even she managed that." At least someone's rooting for Judy. [Page Six]
• Houseboy Kevin Federline refuses to see a therapist with wife Britney Spears, opting instead for a far more traditional session with a psychic. [Scoop]

• Once-It boy Fabian Basabe has no problem with the suggestion that he's a complete flame-thrower. But suggest that he doesn't come from money, and he'll sue you for defamation of social class. [Page Six]
• Jay-Z continues to encourage speculation over whether or not Beyonce is carrying his baby. If so, we need to get on a baby name, stat. Roc-a-fetus is just too predictable. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• LA nightlife beast Amanda Demme heads east, spreading her decadence to Las Vegas. If she continues in that direction, it won't be long before she's scheduling a cage-match with our own Amy Sacco. [Page Six]
• Nicole Kidman found out about ex-husband Tom Cruise's crazy baby with Katie Holmes just like the rest of us, via television. And NOT EVEN SHOPPING CURED HER PAIN. [Scoop]
• Lizzie Jennings, daughter of late anchor Peter, will run this weekend's marathon to raise money for cancer research. At this point, we're more interested in who's running the marathon without a pet cause. Someone's got to be running for their own selfish reasons. [Lowdown]

• The blissful union of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline continues to crumble, as the rules of the universe dictate Federline's inability to remain devoted after procreating. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, has Beyoncé Knowles been talking about carrying Jay-Z's baby? We hope so — a baby Hova would be so gangsta! [Gatecrasher]
• Departed Roc-a-feller Damon Dash still knows how to show his dominance: Instead of drive-bys, he'll just roll up in his luxury sedan and yell at you. It's a whole new level of street cred. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Martha Stewart is putting Turkey Hill, her Westport, CT home, on the market, meaning that Bedford Gray is now all she'll ever need. [Page Six]
• Apple CEO Steve Jobs doesn't like being half-Syrian. But who does, really? [Lowdown]
• Sharon Osbourne speaks of poor old twats other than her husband. [Scoop]
• Will Paris Hilton leave America? PLEASE?!? [Radar]