Lindsay Lohan propositions Chris Brown. Kim Kardashian "wants babies." Timberlake romances Jessica Biel again. Lauren Bush's wedding will feature a rodeo and a saloon. Tuesday gossip gets back on the horse.

Some lady broke her hand on Matthew Fox's face trying to keep him from getting on a bus. Jay-Z was not happy that Chris Brown was performing at the VMAs, Gwyneth Paltrow refused to wear makeup to her book event, and Larry David could be a home wrecker. Monday's gossip is not on the list.

Lindsay "thinks Paris is the coolest person on the planet," and wants to seduce her. Salma Hayek promises to spoil her daughter. Jay-Z tips $50,000. Tara Reid's mysterious marriage explained. Tuesday gossip yearns.

This little girl says Amy Winehouse was trying to adopt her. Miley Cyrus gets a gay marriage tattoo. Kellan Lutz still has candy from 2003, and eats it regularly. Kim Kardashian's fans freak her out. Monday gossip pulls an Angelina.

We're not hip or cool enough to have been invited to the amazing social music service Spotify. But here's what Mark Zuckerberg listens to on the service: Jay-Z, Taylor Swift and electronic music.

Sex-powered soul superstar Beyoncé brought the house down tonight at the 2011 Glastonbury Festival in Somerset, England. Here's the opening number: a pyrotechnically enhanced version of her defining single, "Crazy In Love." Reviews of the performance — which included familiar hits like "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" and "If I Were a Boy," alongside covers of Alanis Morrisette's "You Oughta Know," Eurythmics' "Sweet Dreams," and Prince's "The Beautiful Ones" — have been glowing. The Guardian declares "she never puts a foot wrong," and The Telegraph calls her "a great, sassy frontwoman."

Jen pulls an Angelina and lands a man. Selena Gomez pulls a Lohan and pleads "exhaustion." Pregnant Tori Spelling's paparazzi car crash. Liza Minnelli's fabulous yard sale. Tuesday gossip keeps its eye on the prize.

Last week, the GOOP-itrix herself, Gwyneth Paltrow, appeared on the Graham Norton Show (which is like The Tonight Show if Jay Leno was Irish, gay, and actually funny). She rapped. Yes, she did the first few lines of the NWA classic "Straight out of Compton."

Jennifer Aniston's key grip ex-boyfriend confesses he was too vanilla for her. Katy Perry's Jesus freak parents banned deviled eggs. Charlie Sheen interviews now cost $1 million. Wednesday gossip is out of touch.

Last night, Anna Wintour's charity boondoggle, the Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, brought out the brightest in the fashion world and tons of celebrities wearing their couture finest. But it wasn't easy walking that red carpet.

Like Gwyneth Paltrow before him, rapper and mogul Jay-Z thinks that he knows exactly how you should live your life. He quietly launched his new website Life and Times today, and it proposes how you should dress, what music you should listen to, and which crazy cloud pictures you should look at.

Holly Madison recommends using "body makeup to cope." Lindsay Lohan tells her dad to STFU. Justin Bieber is sorry for flipping off the paparazzi. Willow Smith falls asleep at a meeting with Jay-Z. Thursday's gossip roundup has it both ways.

Aziz was lucky enough to ring in 2011 with Jay-Z, Beyoncé and other famous folk in Vegas. His luck changed when Jay-Z called him onto the stage at 4am in an inebriated state to tell a "New Year's joke."

He's gonna do it. Maybe quickly, maybe slowly. Depends how he feels. But watch out, he's coming. Also today: lots of news about television, casting and pilots and stuff, as well as an update on that Will Smith Annie thing.

This week's Oprah Winfrey Show is being broadcast from Sydney, Australia! On today's episode, Winfrey—and special guest Jay-Z—surprised an entire school of boys (and their female teacher) with a $1 million gift of new laptops. The video, inside.

Nice guy Diddy is buying a model some new hair. Lil Wayne will do anything for love. Prince William and Kate Middleton spent Christmas apart. Does Courtney Cox really want David Arquette back? Post-Christmas Gossip Roundup is feeling generous.

Bill Clinton's 65th birthday party may be held at LA's 20,000-seat Staples Center, where the likes of Paul McCartney, Mary J. Blige, and Jay-Z could perform. And "every A-lister in town will be scrambling to get an invite," allegedly.

Jay-Z will not be opening his own Chelsea hotel after all. [99 Problems joke here.]

[Beyoncé and Mary J Blige flank a silver alien, who crashed to Earth and landed on a red carpet in New York, asking to be taken to our leader. We think she meant Jay-Z. Image via Getty]

Miley's eighteenth birthday party features bumping and grinding with her mom. Jay-Z shot his brother at age 12. Charlie Sheen's hooker gives an interview. Lenny Dykstra's dog could get repossessed. Just another manic Monday gossip roundup.