You may have heard about the latest dustup between Jeff Jarvis, a media futurist and journalism professor, and his satirical online alter-ego, @ProfJeffJarvis, who was created several years ago by a software developer named Rurik Bradbury to mock the jargon-laden prognostications for which Jarvis and his ilk are known. The two Jarvises have butted heads in the past, but the most recent incident—in which the real Jarvis, after airing legal threats on Twitter, successfully forced Esquire to delete a satirical essay carrying @ProfJeffJarvis’s byline—shows that, for all of his bluster about the power of free speech, Jeff Jarvis is a cringing hypocrite when it comes to the offensive but entirely legal speech of others.

Yesterday, Esquire.com published a piece of commentary by the author who goes by the Twitter handle @ProfJeffJarvis. @ProfJeffJarvis is not the former TV Guide critic and journalism professor Jeff Jarvis, but his online persona satirizes a mode of thinking that the real Jarvis is known for. After the real Jeff Jarvis complained, Esquire deleted the story. It runs below as originally published, with permission from @ProfJeffJarvis.

Restaurants in New York City have been tweeting their Sunday brunch offerings, not their structural damages reports. Mayor Michael Bloomberg is declaring "the worst" to be over. A few city streets were flooded, but it wasn't that bad, and the vast majority of people who live along Irene's blustery path up and down the East Coast have survived. How can this be?

In your precipitous Monday media column: HuffPo's hefty bus price tag, the Tina Brown-to-Newsweek deal seems very close, a Jarvis-Weisberg Twitter feud, the Chicago Tribune's editor consoles his staff, and our boss is finally in a real magazine.

A programmer sold his iPad abroad; a reporter auctioned his mom's iPad on eBay; and a media consultant ceremoniously reboxed his iPad. The Twitterati were saying goodbye to their not-so-magical Apple slates — or watching people who did.

Zach Klein and Megan McCarthy tried to hustle their way out of Austin; Brian Stelter and Ana Marie Cox wished bourbon on their audience; and Jeff Jarvis helped an old-media addict escape denial. South by Southwest changed the Twitterati.

Chris Lehmann traded place with his wife Ana Marie Cox; Molly McAleer traded places with Rahm Emanuel; and Alex Payne's messages to Twitter.com traded places with Twitter.com's messages to Alex Payne. The Twitterati got the old switcheroo.

Martha Stewart prepared for a shocking quantity of egg nog; Lindsay Lohan got into a race thing; and Sara Gilbert reveled in old media. The Twitterati overindulged on tradition.

CNBC's one-time "money honey," Maria Bartiromo, turns 42 today. Moby is turning 44. Marie-Josée Kravis, the wife of billionaire Henry Kravis, is 60. The rapper Ludacris is 32. Brokerage founder Muriel Siebert is 77. Hedge funder David Tepper is turning 52. Political operative Bill Cunningham is 59. Singer Harry Connick Jr. turns 42. Director Brian De Palma is turning 68. Daily Kos founder Markos Moulitsas is 38. Actress Taraji P. Henson turns 39. And hockey player Mike Comrie, who may be better known for being Hilary Duff's boyfriend, is turning 29. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

Web-journalism evangelist—and Huffington Post admirer—Jeff Jarvis has announced on his blog that he has prostate cancer. We wish him well. So does HuffPo, we imagine. But isn't that a weird photo to choose to illustrate that story?

New York's restaurant advice rubbed Make's editor the wrong way; Kurt Andersen's praise rubbed Alex Balk the wrong way; and Cablevision's insults rubbed Jeff Jarvis precisely as intended.

Roundups of Cronkite-death reactions are bound to include the President's personal memories, and Dan Abrams trashing personal memories. Also, Shaq's sword, Clooney's sad, Jeff Jarvis is so over this, Sarah Palin's rainbows, and Kelly Bundy has something to say.

Jeff Jarvis tweets: "WaPo access program sounds like a Dan Abrams production."

David Gregory was recognized by a confused fan; a Wall Street Journal editor was flummoxed by Twitter and Martha Stewart was rattled by an accident. The Twitterati were flustered.

Why has the Gray Lady assigned full-time reporters to communities in Brooklyn and New Jersey? Even a Times editor admits the paper will never make money on microjournalism. But they could market software to bloggers.

For the media, Twitter is the new confessional. Xeni Jardin admitted to watching an illicit movie, Peter Kafka overcharged his boss, and Jeff Jarvis admitted to being an all-around fraud. Today's crimes against Twitter:

The Twitterati did not have a good day. Professional web personality Amanda Congdon hates racists, crackpot visionary Jeff Jarvis still hates the media, but TechCrunch editor Michael Arrington is hated most of all!

The editors and writers of the Los Angeles Times could shut off the presses tomorrow and live off its website, media pundit Jeff Jarvis claims. But the numbers don't add up.

Twitter is supposed to save journalism 140 characters at a time. Media people love it, and we love media people, so let's take a look at what the Twitterati have to say for themselves.

Obviously we live in a cruel and absurd universe of well-rewarded idiocy and undeserved second chances, but if we didn't, these are the ten people you'd meet in the nu-depression's breadlines.