♦ Although her life looks like it's finally back on track, a new documentary suggests Britney Spears thinks her new life is like prison and lacks "excitement" or "passion." Hopefully she'll be in a better mood in two weeks when she makes an appearance at the Rockefeller Center tree lighting ceremony. [The Sun, OK!]
♦ Could Anna Wintour be planning to retire? Page Six says the Vogue editor is thinking about leaving the mag once her contract is up, and she's even been recommending possible replacements to Si Newhouse. [P6]
♦ Kiefer Sutherland may be planning to move to NYC so he can be closer to his girlfriend, Allure style director Siobhan Bonnouvrier. [Daily Star]
♦ Madonna is reportedly making $10 million to appear in her new Louis Vuitton ad campaign. [P6]

Kelly Ripa jogging in Central Park ... John Mayer pulling up to the Bowery Hotel in his Porsche Cayenne ... Natalie Portman sitting down on the set of her new film ... Leighton Meester on the set of a new ad campaign for Reebok ... Philip Seymour Hoffman walking home after having brunch in SoHo ... Russell Brand leaving the Four Seasons hotel on East 57th Street ... Salma Hayek and daugher Valentina standing on the set of 30 Rock ... Debra Messing walking down Madison Avenue ... Katie Holmes leaving her apartment in the East Village ... Jessica Alba filming scenes for her new movie in the Bronx ... and Justin Timberlake arriving at Dos Caminos for the SNL afterparty, which Jennifer Aniston attended, too.

[Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer heading back to their Manhattan hotel, from here. Click for the full version.]

Uncool, America. We realize it must have been a rough week for Jennifer Aniston, so we were hoping we could pass along some great news that her guest appearance on 30 Rock last night as a...woman who likes to do a lot of things but is ultimately crazy but not in a particularly ha-ha funny way?...boosted the show's ratings. Unfortunately, a season low of 7.5 million tuned in for the episode, which also happened to feature three Night Court cast members. Anthony Edwards's return to ER, however, boosted the show by 1.2 million viewers to 9.8 million. The moral? We're not really sure. Put Michael J. Fox on Kath & Kim and see what happens. [E! Online]

With hazmat-suited Harpo workers running Geiger counters over Jennifer Aniston on her way out of the Oprah Winfrey Show studios and failing to find even the slightest traces of irradiated uncoolness, we thought we were finally in the clear with regard to the deadly sexual politics meltdown to contaminate America's superstar love triangles. Alas, a new uncool hot spot has been identified in the Brangelina household, where Aniston-dumping Brad Pitt is reportedly fuming over his ex's totally uncool calling out of his current partner's uncoolness:

John Mayer shopping at Paragon Sports on Broadway and later leaving Gold Bar in SoHo with Jennifer Aniston (left) ... Jeff Daniels riding around town on a tiny bike ... Miley Cyrus arriving at the Sirius studios in Midtown for an appearance on Howard Stern's show ... Matthew Broderick walking son James to school in the West Village ... Regis Philbin and Don Rickles arriving at ABC's studios ... Famke Janssen crossing the street with her dog ... Leighton Meester hanging out on the Gossip Girl set ... Katie Holmes talking on her cell phone ... and Natalie Portman leaving her trailer on the set of her new film.

• Brad Pitt said it was uncool for ex Jennifer Aniston to say his wife Angelina Jolie is uncool. Or, as he puts it, he was "totally thrown." [Sun-Times ]

At last, after having nothing but a meager pile of magazine clippings and hearsay to rely upon throughout this entire ordeal, we have Jennifer Aniston in the flesh to set us straight on what Angelina Jolie's adoptive people have already dubbed L'affair uncool. On trusted confidante (who doesn't mind spilling your private business on America's TVs for her own ratings gain) Oprah Winfrey's show today, the host hoisted a Post-It-littered Vogue bearing the five words heard round the world. It was a coverline so powerful, it managed to push Obama off the front page of the NY Times, who instead ran a 30-pt headline that read, "Amid a Climate of Hope, Tensions Between Warring Starlets Flare." In her trademark stammer, the former Friends star it admits she indeed said, "What Angelina did was very uncool," but it was just one of many responses she answered "as honestly as I could. I don't go there. I mean, it's 100 years old, for Christ's sake." If ever we wanted a girl to go, it was Aniston, at that moment. [Oprah]

Months of sex with pop crooner John Mayer is enough to kill anyone's sense of humor, but Jennifer Aniston appears to have survived it tolerably if her 30 Rock guest spot is any indication. In tonight's episode Aniston plays an old friend of Liz Lemon who becomes an extremely clingy accessory to Alec Baldwin's Jack Donaghy. Of course, we can't help but connect the cameo with the real life Vogue cover story where Aniston lashed out at Angelina's poor manners. Since there's been some extremely unsourced talk about Aniston joining the series as a regular, so now is the time to figure out from these three hot preview clips if Desperate Jen is funnier as a character than she is in real life.This W photoset showed us what life is probably like in the Pitt-Jolie household, but we never got to be a fly on the wall in the early days. This month's Vogue cover story featuring Aniston takes us as far back as the beginnings of Brad's affair: "I felt those details were a little inappropriate to discuss. That stuff about how she couldn’t wait to get to work every day? That was really uncool." Amazingly in the same interview she relates her feelings about whining and complaining, with Vogue providing the emphasis:

We can tell by your reactions to Jennifer Aniston's recent Vogue indictment of Angelina Jolie (e.g. "She needs to build a bridge and get over it") that there remains plenty of demand for Aniston to swing away at her spouse-snatching archnemesis. So off she went to visit Oprah Winfrey, who, in an interview to be broadcast later today, wouldn't let Aniston out of the studio without claiming her own stake of the fuss. Hint: That bridge may be on the way! To Pitt, anyway:

♦ Remember last month when Gwyneth Paltrow said she was trying to be supportive of her good friend Madonna during her divorce? It seems Madge was less than moved by the gesture and now she's warning Gwyneth to keep her mouth shut and "say nothing about me or my divorce." [National Enquirer]
♦ Meanwhile, Madonna has supposedly been telling a "close pal" that Alex Rodriguez sends her poetry and "has the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body." [P6]
♦ Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are supposedly planning to "officially get engaged" while they're in Paris this week. [The Sun]
♦ Now that she's back from London (where she reportedly brought 20 pieces of luggage on a three-day trip), Mariah Carey is supposedly organizing her holiday vacation to Aspen, where her plans include rolling around in the snow in a red bikini and decorating her bedroom to look like the North Pole. [MSNBC, The Sun, P6]

• Jennifer Aniston has an "unbelievably warm and respectful" relationship with ex-husband Brad Pitt, but that skank new wife of his? Who recently told the Times she and Pitt fell in love on the Mr. & Miss Smith set, while he was still married to Aniston? She's a piece of work. "That stuff about how she couldn't wait to get to work every day? That was really uncool."

♦ Jennifer Aniston is finally speaking out about her breakup with Brad Pitt. In the December issue of Vogue, she says what Angelina Jolie did was "really uncool," and that she had no idea that Brad had cheated on her until she read about it afterwards. [MSNBC, NYP]
♦ The security guard who roughed-up Brad Pitt at the premiere of his own movie on Monday night says he was only trying to protect Brad by helping him get away from a pack of aggressive photographers. [ET, NYP]
♦ Madonna is supposedly considering a career as a movie director so she can "rival" her ex, Guy Ritchie, at least according to her nutty brother Christopher Ciccone. She should have more time to pursue a directing career if she chooses to: Officials in Malawi have said she can "forget" about adopting another baby as long as she plans to bring it into a "broken home." [The Sun, MSNBC]
♦ Billy Ray Cyrus says he is trying to get Malia and Sasha Obama to appear in an episode of Hannah Montana. [NYDN]

We already know Jennifer Aniston thinks Angelina Jolie's spouse-theft is the very picture of "uncool." But a little context couldn't hurt in understanding the true depth of Aniston's lingering antipathy over her split from Brad Pitt — like that whole part about Jolie's "detailed timeline" of their illicit courtship on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith? Definitely uncool, says Aniston:

As if slow-motion footage of filmdom's most adorable puppy wasn't enough to make you race to see Jennifer Aniston's holiday movie season entry Marley & Me, the star has Phase 2 of the film's heart-tugging marketing campaign set to launch any day now. And we hear it's a good one, too, with new promotional partner Vogue signing on for Aniston's first public thwacking of husband-stealing Angelina Jolie.The Daily Mail reports that Vogue's December issue features cover girl Aniston posing along with the quote, "What Angelina did was very uncool" — one of the decade's more reserved understatements, no doubt, coming almost four years after Jolie's trysts with her Mr. and Mrs. Smith co-star Brad Pitt led to his and Aniston's divorce. The rest is clan-breeding, burger-photographing history, but an insider says Vogue will do what it can next month to restore Aniston's pride:

♦ Madonna's neighbors in her Central Park West building aren't happy that she has turned her seventh-floor apartment into a music studio. (It was originally supposed to be an office for Guy Ritchie.) Now she stays up all night blaring music and practicing for her shows. [NYDN]
♦ Alex Rodriguez is thinking of following Madonna on tour next month when she plans to make stops in Brazil, Chile, and Argentina. [R&M]
♦ Is Jennifer Aniston secretly leaking pregnancy and marriage rumors about herself to the tabloids as a way to steal attention away from Brangelina? [MSNBC]
♦ Friends of Padma Lakshmi want everyone to know she is not a gold digger. She's a "hard-working, self-made woman" who just happens to only date extremely wealthy, older men. [P6]
♦ Peaches Geldof and Max Drummey's 97-day-old marriage may already be on the rocks. [The Sun]

• Fameball and celebrity spawn Peaches Geldof, 19, was shocked to learn her secret wedding to musician Chester French, 24, may not, in fact, "last forever." In fact it may not last 100 days, pending the results of yet another secret getaway. [Sun]

♦ Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker are apparently incapable of getting along: A day after Kim confirmed that there will be Sex and the City sequel, Parker told fans "not to get their hopes up" and that "Kim is excited, but all the deals are not yet done." [Daily Star, People]
♦ It looks like spending time in court, soup kitchens, and sanitation departments hasn't helped Naomi Campbell much. She infuriated passengers on her flight back from London on Tuesday by cutting in line while going through customs at JFK. She swears it wasn't her fault because it was the airline that offered her an escort. [R&M]
♦ Ian Schrager is getting married next Saturday. The bride-to-be is a ballerina named Tania Wahlstedt. [P6]

• So Anderson Cooper told Ellen DeGeneres "Honey, I don't even know where to begin" with NeNe from Real Housewives of Atlanta. That was Tuesday. Now NeNe is inviting the CNN anchor to ogle her chest and "get down and dirty" and have some "brown sugar." Her husband, an obvious CNN viewer, is totally fine with this.

♦ You weren't the only one who stayed up to watch election results. Brad Pitt and Oprah watched the festivities from Grant Park in Chicago. Harvey Weinstein had a party at Public House attended by James Franco, Josh Lucas and Jessica Alba. Robin Williams and Billy Crystal watched Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert live. And in LA, Courteney Cox and David Arquette hosted an Obama victory party attended by Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer and Sacha Baron Cohen, among others. [R&M, E!]
♦ Star is standing by its Jennifer Aniston pregnancy story. The mag claims she's undergoing fertility treatments so she can get pregnant by her 40th birthday in February. [Star]
♦ Are Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes planning to have another baby? [OK!]