Though his sons may have grown up desensitized to monkeys and breasts, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner can still appreciate a good celebrity rack at the advanced age of 82.

• Sean Avery may be spending a lot more time in New York in the near future: Hockey's preeminent bad boy has been cut loose by the Dallas Stars just 23 games into a four-year contract. [NYP]
• Jennifer Aniston was supposedly so desperate to have a boyfriend during the promotional tour for Marley & Me that her camp started "shopping for potential dates." [P6]
• David Paterson was not at all pleased with the impression of him on SNL this weekend. [NYP]
• Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber had a second son on Saturday. [People, E!]

• Tina Fey agreed to be Lorne Michaels' awkward circus monkey at gathering of Albany lawmakers discussing TV production tax credits. "She seemed incredibly uncomfortable... Someone said, ‘Do a Sarah Palin!' and she did a Sarah Palin." Cringe. [NYM]

A day of new beginnings: Gwyneth Paltrow SOMEHOW restored her breasts to teenage perkiness, Paula Abdul is maybe leaving American Idol and Tommy Hilfiger uncanceled his wedding.

We weren't aware that Jennifer Aniston's new dogcom, Marley & Me, was in urgent need of sexing up, but consider us duly apprised. So what is there to say about these new GQ pictures?

As all of America has no doubt been made aware of during her press tour for Marley & Me, Jennifer Aniston hates talking about Brad Pitt.

• Jennifer Aniston posed naked on the cover of GQ and inside said boyfriend John Mayer is "extraordinary" with his instrument, but couldn't name his big hit song: "Did not know much about him before I met him. I'd heard ... you know, uh 'Your Body' – that song."

• Donny Deutsch has been caught fooling around with a married woman. Or at least that's what hedge fund manager Andrew Sandler claims, who hired a private detective to follow his wife Lisa around and eventually scored pics of the two of them making out. [P6]
• Jennifer Aniston appears naked on the cover of the new GQ, and in the accompanying article she says her relationship with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is like an "insane Bermuda Triangle." Meanwhile, Brad admits to the new Rolling Stone that he fell in love with Angie while he was still married to Jen. [NYP, Daily Mail]
• Rachel Zoe's rep says the only reason she's been looking so thin lately is because she "just got over the stomach flu." Right. [OK!]

Take that! In the game of tabloid one-upmanship that is Brad Pitt vs. Jennifer Aniston, Pitt has now issued his own volley meant to counteract Aniston's recent, attention-getting John Mayer praise (he thinks thoughts!). While talking to E!'s Giuliana Rancic at the Benjamin Button premiere, Pitt extolled on Angelina Jolie's beauty. "I get up some mornings and gasp," he said. Sadly, the simple remark ratcheted Aniston's Uncool-ometer from "Just Chillin'" to "Bogus." [E!]

Though John Mayer will open up about Jennifer Aniston to any paparazzi within shouting distance, Aniston has remained relatively tight-lipped about the troubadour in the press. But again, something about those wily Brits seems to elicit confession, and so it is that Aniston did so much high-voltage gushing about Mayer to the Daily Mirror that she could power an entire In Touch office for a whole year:

♦ Either Mariah Carey is pregnant or she's determined to do whatever it takes to stay in the spotlight. The diva was spotted looking "ebullient" on her way out of an OB/GYN's office in LA, where she was greeted by a cheering entourage and seen clutching "what looked like a sonogram." [P6, Mirror]
♦ Kate Moss skipped champagne and wore a loose dress to a Vogue event in China, which means she must be pregnant, too. [The Sun]
♦ In an upcoming issue of O, Oprah says she's "fallen off the wagon" and now weighs 200 lbs. But she blames it on her "out-of-balance thyroid," which gave her "a fear of working out." [AP]
♦ Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich watching soccer at Nevada Smith's in the East Village with girlfriend Dasha Zhukova? We can hardly believe it. [P6]
♦ Steve Schwarzman insisting on remaining centerstage at yesterday's Vanity Fair photo shoot? That sounds likely. [P6]

For someone whose interview rider now includes stipulations like, "Three (3) bottles of Evian, one (1) bowl of peeled grapes, and absolutely no (0) questions about uicide-say," Owen Wilson couldn't have picked a better comeback vehicle that the innocuous dogcom Marley & Me. After all, what journalist could bluntly work in a query about wrist-slitting after asking tossing Wilson this softball: "Was there any specific moment when you realized you [and co-star Jennifer Aniston] had great chemistry?" Wait, did we ask what journalist? How about the one from the notoriously hard-nosed, er, USA Today, who tried nudging up to the elephant in the room in increasingly Wilson-unfriendly ways:

• Fran Drescher announced a run for Hillary Clinton's senate seat, on the basis of being "authentic and honest" and "getting a bill passed in Washington." Presumably having Anderson Cooper in the tank is a plus, too. Pray she's joking. [NYM]

♦ It's not just creditors going after Donald Trump these days: An employee of Trump's golf course in LA says in a lawsuit that the club prohibited her from taking lunch and bathroom breaks. She's only asking for $15,000, though, so obviously she didn't learn much during her stint working for the real estate mogul. [TMZ]
♦ A lawyer for Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos says there's "not a shred of truth" to the rumors the couple is splitting up. [OK!]
♦ Britney Spears' birthday party didn't exactly go as planned. None of her close friends showed up and onlookers say she spent the whole time looking "vacant" and "empty." [R&M, P6]
♦ NBC is furious that news of David Gregory's Meet the Press promotion leaked earlier this week. The likely culprit? NBC political director Chuck Todd. [P6]

Brad Pitt still has some work to do in New Orleans before he can attend to those areas of America hardest hit by the ravages of UncoolGate. Meanwhile, the woman who started it all—this week's EW covergirl, Jennifer Aniston—emerges a stronger woman, if forever a far less trusting magazine-profile subject:

Jennifer Aniston's face adorns the cover of this week's New York Times Magazine. Despite her current remarks in the interview therein about how annoying it is when people take camera phone pictures of her and sell them to feed their family, Ms. Aniston would like to reassure you that she loves images of herself as much as you do. After all, she's done photo shoots with about 8,000 magazines this month, most of which have already folded. Is she a hypocrite? We'll give her a break, and let the author of The Rules give her some helpful advice about dealing with her anger:Despite posing for Vogue and every other magazine imaginable, Aniston only likes it when the mainstream media profits for her image, as she relates in the NYT interview:

It really is about time psychologists gave a name to whatever personality disorder Angelina Jolie suffers from, because "narcissistic control freak with a Mother Teresa complex" (see also: Princess Diana, Mia Farrow) is a bit of a mouthful. Anyway, Angie must have pissed off someone at the Times, because today the paper does a mild hatchet job on her, raking over various details that we already knew: She micro-manages all aspects of her tabloid interviews especially her coverage in People; she supposedly doesn't employ a publicist or agent; she and Brad make a big song and dance about giving the proceeds of their media deals to charity, but only a small slice seems to reach the beneficiaries; and, most importantly, when that bitch Jennifer Aniston is winning the hearts and minds of US Weekly readers, all Ang has to is don a headscarf, be photographed helping the tragedy-stricken in a third world country, and she's back in the game.

♦ Guy Ritchie and Madonna's marriage came to an official end in the High Court of London courtroom this morning. Neither "Ciccone ML" or "Ritchie GS" actually showed up in person for the proceedings, but Madonna had drinks with ex-husband Sean Penn on Wednesday night, possibly as part of an early celebration. [People, The Sun, P6]
♦ The longest pregnancy in history is finally over: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz welcomed a son named Bronx Mowgli Wentz into the world last night. Yes, that's Bronx Mowgli. [People]
♦ According to The Sun, Michael Jackson has converted to Islam and has changed his name to "Mikaeel." [The Sun]

When she's not dancing through her Malibu mansion belting "Single Ladies (Put a Ring On it)" into her hairbrush, Jennifer Aniston likes to curl up with a good book and a bad singer and watch a little TV (Stars! They're just like us — well, not us us, because we've got a cobwebbed DVR list that still includes episodes of this exciting new show called "Presidential Debates" that we have yet to finish. Don't spoil us!). During her sojourn on the sofa, Aniston has rediscovered all twenty-eight seasons of her hit tee-vee show Friends, an exciting development that her actual friends are quick to poop all over:

• Anne Hathaway's new actor boyfriend "went after all the young heiresses" when he was at Brown University, which makes him as terrible for her as jailed fraudster Raffaello Follieri, according to Page Six's tipster. [P6]