Grindhouse director Robert Rodriguez apparently put together an early trailer for star-studded Mexploitation film Machete as a "Cinco de Mayo message for Arizona," featuring the likes of Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, and Danny Trejo fighting violently to protect illegal immigrants from racist politicians.
We were so busy gawking at Real Housewife Danielle Staub eating dinner with skater Johnny Weir in Chelsea last night that we missed the Costume Institute Gala Benefit. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there in our stead.
Did he leave because Sandy left him? Tiger's security guards against Uchitel. Charlie Sheen can't afford to quit his terrible TV show. Jessica Alba plans to adopt. Easter Sunday's gossip roundup will rise again.
The Academy Awards have become more about the clothes and less about the awards themselves. Too bad all the ensembles are bland creations some stylist picked out. It's time to free ourselves from the tyranny of the Worst Dressed List!
Uber-rich playplace Saint Barthélemy suffers from the unbearable lightness of too much fabulous; Gloria Allred aims at Shaq; Mike Tyson won't be charged for beating a paparazzo; Michelle beats Barack at tennis. New year, new gossip.
• Although Tiger Woods and his wife remain "in seclusion" at their home in Florida (and are supposedly involved in "intense" marital counseling sessions), their lawyers are still ironing out a revised pre-nup. One report suggests Woods would pay his wife $5 million immediately and then $55 million if she stays with him for another two years; all she'd have to do is suck up any semblance of pride and sign a nondisclosure agreement. Meanwhile, sources indicate that Tiger was working on a deal to pay Rachel Uchitel $1 million to keep her trap shut, she hasn't taken any money from him (yet), and canceled her press conference yesterday because she was "scared for her safety." What else do we know? That Tiger is painfully insecure about his tiny calves, for one thing.
• In an interview with Glamour, Sarah Jessica Parker says she has "enormous regrets" about filming the Sex and the City sequel since because she didn't want to miss being home with her two baby daughters for one moment. Let's all hope the millions she makes from the movie more than makes up for it. [Us]
• Is 15-year-old Tallulah Willis (daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore) dating 16-year-old Patrick Schwarzenegger (son of Arnold and Maria)? Possibly, although Bruce's rep is now denying it. [P6]
Indie mag Miller-McCune performed mathematical voodoo on a zillion movie reviews to figure out critics' favorite and least favorite actors, as well as which critics are the nicest and the meanest.
Elizabeth Edwards may have given up on her marriage. Paris Jackson knows who killed her father. Liz Taylor once tried suicide. And Palin could be trying her hand at beauty. Good morning, sunshine! Here's your Thursday morning gossip roundup!
Julianne Moore crossing a street in the meatpacking district ... Amanda Seyfried kissing boyfriend Dominic Cooper during lunch at Bar Pitti ... Carla Bruni and Nicolas Sarkozy leaving a restaurant on Madison Avenue ... Whitney Port getting out of an SUV before an appearance on Regis & Kelly ... Hugh Jackman picking his daughter up from school ... Kirsten Dunst entering a courthouse downtown ... Ellen Barkin walking in the meatpacking district ... Queen Rania leaving the Sheraton Hotel ... Sara Paxton filming scenes for The Beautiful Life ... Deborah Lee Furness riding a scooter ... Shia LaBeouf walking downtown ... and Jessica Alba leaving a Clinton Global Initiative event at Cipriani 42nd Street.
• Gossip Girl's Kelly Rutherford got a temporary restraining order against her ex-husband, Daniel Giersch, saying that he harassed both her and her nanny, which, to add insult to injury, caused her nanny to quit. [TMZ, People]
• Randy Quaid, the actor who played Cousin Eddie in the National Lampoon's Vacation movies, may be more like his character than anyone thought. He was arrested near the Mexico border with his wife on charges that he bolted on a $10,000 hotel bill. The two have already posted bail, but not before hamming it up for their mug shots and scribbling a handwritten note to TMZ. Clark W. Griswold would be proud. [AP, TMZ, P6]
• She's been married to Keith Urban since June 2006, but Nicole Kidman is still known as "the lady who used to be married to Tom Cruise" by at least two Starbucks baristas, and she's not happy about it. [P6]
Ryan O'Neal is a creepy man, Billy Joel has a sad over the breakup of his marriage, Jude Law fell for the "I'm on the pill" con, David Beckham is scared of Shaquille O'Neal and Jessica Alba frolics.
Kim Cattrall standing in front of Le Bilboquet on East 63rd Street .... Jessica Alba going to dinner at the Waverly Inn ... Jennifer Lopez on the set of her new movie, The Back-Up Plan ... Stephanie Pratt shopping in SoHo ... Bruce Willis watching Paul McCartney's concert at the Ed Sullivan Theater with wife Emma Hemming ... Chloe Sevigny walking on Central Park West ... Jesse Jackson on Fifth and 48th ... Drew Barrymore leaving her trailer on the set of her new movie ... Pierce Brosnan standing on the set of Remember Me in Brooklyn ... and Edie Falco getting out of a car.
• Just when you thought Lindsay Lohan couldn't do anything to surprise you: It seems $400,000 worth of Christian Dior jewelry went missing following an Elle photo shoot in London. The last person to see it? That would be Lohan, who is now being sought by investigators for questioning. [NYDN, TMZ]
• Despite rumors to the contrary, Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone did not get married in Provincetown last weekend. It'll go down later this summer, however. [WWD]
• Adrian Grenier was seen "getting cozy" with Twilight star Ashley Greene. [P6]
• Paris Hilton says she's just getting to know soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo. Her definition of "know" is probably different from yours. [Mirror]
Paris Hilton dumps her toolish boyfriend, Shia LaBeouf issues a statement to let everyone know he's not boning his mother, Victoria Beckham's nipples tour London, Jessica Alba is under investigation for vandalism, and Jeremy Piven preaches about mercury poisoning.
• The British paparazzi have seen it all over the years, but even they were surprised by a shopping expedition by Beyoncé in London last week. The singer required two chauffeur-driven cars/limos and a small army of bodyguards to escort her to the store. Even though it happened to be located about 15 yards from the front door to her hotel. [Telegraph]
• On-again, off-again couple Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli appear to be in "off" mode, according to People. But Us says Bar and Leo are still together and even have photos of the couple shopping yesterday to prove it. Say a little prayer and hope for the best, won't you? [People, Us]
• There doesn't seem much doubt about the status of Kanye West's relationship with model Amber Rose. West's rep has confirmed that it's over. [P6]
