Without lip gloss, will we even recognize her? Tiger Woods consults Buddhist prayers on his Blackberry. Michael Lohan pops the question to Kate Major. Whoopi Goldberg is on Team Jesse James. Wednesday's gossip roundup has seen a ghost.

His cousin is officially a Scientologist—but terrified of being associated with Tom. Lady Gaga's sister trains to take the stage. Bombshell McGee sells stripper videos. Phil Spector gets beat up in prison. Come and get your Sunday gossip.

Today at Gawker.TV, Jessica Simpson discovers the true Price of Beauty, Johnny Weir's sexually-charged Pilates stretches, Law & Order uses Project Runway as its defense, NatGeo dresses hundreds of folks up to reenact the life of sperm.

The first stop on the beauty train for Jessica, her stylist Ken Paves, and her buddy CaCee was Thailand, where they ate fried cockroaches and spoke to a woman who suffered permanent scarring.

Jessica Simpson wants everyone, including The View hosts, to know that if she isn't knocked up by the time she's 40, she's having her best friend/stylist Ken Paves' baby. Sounds like those mom jeans will come in handy after all.

Jessica Simpson refuses to call Billy Corgan her boyfriend, but "If I am going through a hard time I definitely would talk to Billy." She has fallen for the oldest romantic gambit in the book: the Sneaky Nice Guy Lover.

Jessica Simpson does not brush her teeth. Like, ever. The Celebrity Industrial Complex thinks this is big news you want to know. Really, do we have nothing else to talk about?

Today at Gawker.TV, Jessica Simpson admits to not brushing her teeth, The Office teaches us how to be men, Sarah Silverman snorts coke alongside Andy Samberg and invisible friends, and our version of Greenzone starring 30 Rock and David Schwimmer.

In what looks like a bad Proactiv commercial, acoustic guitar plucks away as Jessica Simpson admits to not brushing her teeth. This is met with nervous laughter. She then repeats this fact. Again, more nervous laughter. What is going on?

An "intuitive psychic" healer named Aiden is her new manager. James Brown's body goes missing from its crypt. Socialite shocked to discover racism, anti-semitism, homophobia make you unpopular. Corey Haim died of a too-big heart. Friday gossip is so alone.

As soon as the words came out of Gerard's mouth, he regretted them. Corey Feldman defends Corey Haim. Jessica Simpson misses Tony Romo's "cute butt." Pattinson used to get beat up all the time. Thursday's gossip roundup has no filter.

With her latest stab at relevancy—a new single and a VH1 show—Jessica Simpson is yet again being shoved down our collective gullet. It's time for this uninteresting, talentless person to take a hike. Forever!

LiLo is tardy to the party. Gabourey Sidibe says 'no' to Oprah. Nicole Kidman loses a role to a 17-year-old Disney star. Sandra Bullock prepares for the Oscars by stocking up on tissue. Saturday gossip deals with rejection.

He thought he could call her "heavy" if he said "top," first. Ke$ha makes fun of Britney. Kendra Wilkinson's baby weight gave her postpartum depression. "Jessica Simpson weighs in on fat jokes." Thursday's gossip roundup was teased as a child.

Weir explains his creative process. Jessica Simpson cries on Oprah's couch. John Mayer can't get a date. Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson grope each other in public. Johnny Depp fears mirrors. Tuesday gossip is the window to celebrity souls.

• Have Madonna and Jesus Luz gone their separate ways? That's what report today indicates, suggesting it was the couple's "overall lack of mutual interests" that caused the split and it was Luz who called things off. [CST]
• Rip Torn appeared in court yesterday and was formally charged with trespassing, burglary, and possessing a firearm following his arrest over the weekend for breaking into a bank because he thought it was his own house. In all fairness, though, Torn was in rural Connecticut and the "bank" is located in a two-story colonial, so this could have been a mistake that anyone could have made, no? Maybe not. Either way, Torn is now headed to rehab upstate. [NYP, NYDN, TMZ]
• Charlize Theron recently split up with her longtime partner, Stuart Townsend, but she may already have a new man in her life: Theron was spotted in LA last week on what appeared to be a date. [P6]
• Haven't the people of Haiti suffered enough? Hot on the heels of John Travolta's trip to the devastated nation to spread Scientology to the masses and now Michael Lohan and Kate Major say they, too, are planning to head to Haiti to "help" quake victims. [Radar]

Is Kate Moss so old that this is elegant, or so young that it's ironic? Michael Lohan is in trouble with the law again. Ashley Dupre's Playboy carousing gets an ominous write-up. Suri Cruise throws an adorable tantrum. TGIFriday gossip.

It's a shame the Pulitzer Prize nominating committee annnounced the other day that it won't allow weekly tabloids to compete for the most coveted award in journalism: Us Weekly could have really had a shot with this riveting piece of investigative reporting. But at least Jann Wenner can look forward to taking the stage at the National Magazine Awards this spring. [Us]

• Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods may remain married, after all. Tiger supposedly wants to keep the relationship together because he "wants to go back to being a golf star with major endorsements," and is hoping to convince people he's "a good family man." (Good luck with that.) As for Nordegren, she'd like to make the marriage work for the sake of their two kids and is willing to stick with Woods "even if she and Tiger live together as friends instead of lovers." This all sounds incredibly promising, doesn't it? [People, NYDN]
• Exciting news, Jersey Shore fans: MTV and the cast of the hit show are said to be close to ironing out their differences over pay, and the fist-pumping and fake tanning may return to the air as soon as this summer. [Variety]
• In other Shore news, someone is shopping around naked photos of Jenni "J-Woww" Farley despite the fact that there's very little of her body that we haven't already seen. And Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi thinks of herself as "too classy" to be seen in the vicinity of Jerry Springer. [Radar, P6]
• What's going on with Brad and Angelina? According to one report, the couple did meet meet with a lawyer last week, but it was to do a little estate planning and "protect their children and property in case there's a rift in the future," not because they're actually planning to divorce. Then again a source tells E! that Brad Pitt hasn't been showering much recently and smells "like a wandering homeless person," which probably doesn't bode well. [NYDN, People, E!]

• Conan O'Brien's final Tonight Show airs tonight. Then he'll head off to count the enormous pile of cash that NBC just gave him while he waits until September 1, which is when he'll first be permitted to host another talk show as part of the deal he signed with the network. As for NBC, it will air reruns of The Tonight Show until the Olympics start, with Jay Leno officially returning to his (very tarnished) throne on March 1. [TMZ, THR, WSJ]
• It looks like things are going from bad to worse for Mischa Barton. Her landlord has filed a lawsuit against her for failing to pay three months of rent on her $7,000-a-month Tribeca apartment before moving out of the place late last year. [NYDN, P6]
• Lady Gaga looked pretty banged up when she appeared outside her "Monster Ball" show last night to sign autographs. She she had bizarre cuts and bruises all over her arms and legs. And those mustard-colored extensions she's been wearing as of late aren't helping matters. [The Sun, 3am]