A Rosemeade, Ca. man lost out on $1 million last night after the deadline passed for him to claim his cash from the state. Fucking idiot lost his winning ticket.

In what can only appropriately be described as a heavy metal fight, the lead guitarist of Slipknot was rushed to the hospital Wednesday after his own brother stabbed him in the head with a knife.

In a disturbing lesson about not talking to strangers, a six-year-old boy was forced to endure four terrifying hours of being "kidnapped" by his family members. The boy's mother, aunt, and grandmother allegedly conspired with a gas station employee to abduct the child, hold him at gunpoint, and threaten to sell him into sex slavery.

Anthony Cumia, one half of the SiriusXM's comedy show The Opie & Anthony Show, claims to have been assaulted by a woman in Times Square Tuesday. According to his Twitter feed, he was apparently trying to take photos of the area when the woman was caught in the frame. When she objected to being in the photos, she allegedly starting punching him. He responded by calling her a cunt. Cumia then took to Twitter—for hours—for a racist, violent tirade.

In an interview with New York magazine, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia sat down with Jennifer Senior and shared his feelings about words, women, homosexuals, the Devil, Jesus, and Claire Danes.

All the good superheroes are used up, so the next fun entertainment for Americans will be various sequels and spinoffs from the Holy Bible. A lot of Americans still claim to believe in the Christian religion: 77 percent say they still follow the breakaway Jewish sect, which remains a huge demographic even if it's down considerably from its 90 percent market penetration a half century ago.

Creole-language pop star turned North Miami mayoral candidate Anna L. Pierre, RN, says she has God on her side.

Earlier this week, a "formerly homosexual" blogger for the Christian Post was "outed" as a hypocrite for denouncing the "homosexual lifestyle" as immoral on the one hand, while using the other hand to actively search for guys to hook with through the social networking app Grindr.

It would be really nice if there was no use for this headline, but here we are. Men in power at religious institutions can still be gross, awful, perverted people — though that often seems to be inherent to "men in power."

People kept asking me on Wednesday whether I was going to go to a Chick-Fil-A to stare at the evangelicals on Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day. "You live in Florida," they said, "it's probably gonna be awesome." I guess because they were going to be evangelical outside, in lines.

"Musical Phenominal Whitney- The light of Christ shines upon Whitney Houston and she is new again and at peace," writes artist Jeffry Lynne Hawk. "I felt so moved to draw this picture of Whitney in the hands of Jesus to make a statement that God can forgive all those who turn to him. Whitney was once a beautiful song bird who lost her way, but will sing again for her Father in Heaven." This 18" x 24" pastel can be yours for only $300.00.

Praise Frosty! That's the name of the 73-year-old man who had a priceless portrait of Jesus Christ sitting in the closet of his Tennessee motor home.

Happy Rapture, everyone! Are you still here? We're making a list of everything that has been taken to Heaven to kick it with Jesus, and we need your help.

Poor Jesus Christ only gets half the presents! This spurs Stephen Colbert to launch his annual "War on War on Christmas," in which he goes after sparring atheist-vs-religious billboards outside the Lincoln Tunnel. Watch inside.

A small Polish town today has finished building what they claim is the largest Jesus statue in the world, even bigger than Rio's Christ the Redeemer. New Jesus is 167 feet tall, while Rio's stands at 125 feet. Pics inside!

[The Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, was lit up in pink on Tuesday to raise awareness of the Pink Panther movies. No, wait, breast cancer. To raise awareness of breast cancer. Pic via AP.]

An unemployed woman in Colorado Springs spent $1,200 on 10 bus bench ads heralding Christ's return on May 21, 2011. "There are things... I always wanted to do," she said. "But it's not about what I want." [Gazette]

Aaron Jamison has terminal colon cancer and expects to die within nine months. Despite this, his spirits are high; he hands out bracelets that read "Cancer Sucks ... Life is Good ... Choose Joy." And also...good lord...

Is that a distended abdomen, or are You just happy to see me, Lord? Oklahoma churchgoers are not very pleased with a new crucifix that appears to grant Jesus a rather sizable dick. Crucifixion? More like "Cruci-dick-tion," am I right?