Godless Gothamites, meet GodTube, which according to the Times was the Web's fastest-growing site when unveiled in August and which just garnered a $30 million hedge fund investment. It's sort of like YouTube, except all videos are pre-screened by site operators in Plano, Texas; you can't promote religions other than Christianity and you can't mock Christianity, which makes sense since "God" is obviously synonymous with "Christian God" (*cough*). The whole operation is of course destined to implode when the new hedge fund investors push for less censorship to goose traffic and ads for items a bit more risque than "Bible software and degrees from online universities," but in the meantime enjoy this GodTube clip of a man "caught" looking at porn by Jesus. (In the interest of religous plurality I did run a seach for "porn" on JewTube and the only hits remotely responsive included one titled "Neil Diamond And Carol Burnett", which I refuse to watch, and this video of two Jewish supermodels in bikinis backed by a Biggie Smalls song.)

Shirley Phelps-Roper is the spokeswoman for Westboro Baptist Church, the truly execrable fringe group of psychos known for picketing the funerals of dead US soldiers because they believe their deaths are the result, somehow, of God's hate for gays. Josh Kilmer-Purcell is a gay New York author, ad executive, and veteran of the drag queen circuit under the name "AquaDisiac." But Kilmer-Purcell is busy being friends with the crazy lady [Ad Age]! "Like any good gay person, I'm trying to render her powerless by turning her into an anti-diva," he says. "She thinks I'm going to hell, and I think she's a bit overzealous, but beyond that, we have a surprising amount of things in common." It's the oddest couple since Devito and Schwarzenegger! Seriously, we have no idea. After the jump, a clip of Shirley Phelps-Roper being too insane for even Sean Hannity to bear:

On March 23, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch ran an uplifting story about "Virginia Gillis," who had lost her perfect life when her husband started using methamphetamines, burned down their house, and attacked her with a straight razor, cutting her throat "almost all the way through." After a stint of homelessness, she slowly rebuilt her life, and now works as a chef at a homeless program, feeding hundreds of people a week who are stuck in the position that she once was. The paper compares her story to the resurrection of Jesus Christ—this was an Easter-themed feature. But further investigation revealed that, like Jesus, Virginia Gillis' story had a bit of mythology in it. Such as: her name, her age, her location, her outstanding warrants, and everything else about her story! It might have been easier if they just told us what was true in the original, rather than false. The entire, and truly epic, editor's note from page one of yesterday's paper [via Romenesko], after the jump.

Anne Rice, the author of all those books about Vampires (including the one that they turned into that Tom Cruise/ Brad Pitt movie with the twin themes of latent homosexuality and glorification of the dark side), has opened up to the world about her bizarre and stunning deity worship [WP]. The famed creator of monstrosities publicly proclaims her allegiance today to a strange "God Man" who supposedly performed impossible miracles in days long past. Now, the Dracula-loving storyteller has "consecrated" herself to this mythical "Jesus"—who can die and revive himself at will—and nothing will change her mind about his magical powers. The bloodsucking aficionado will not abandon her hallucinatory reasoning for anyone!

I tuned into "The McLaughlin Group" this morning all giddy about the prospect of panelist and Chicago Tribune writer Clarence Page (who is black) getting into a sweet shout-off with MSNBC talker Patrick Buchanan over Buchanan's recent column calling for blacks to show some "gratitude" for the way America has treated them. But moderator John McLaughlin threw me a Christian curveball for Easter, asking his guests, "Would Jesus support the death penalty?"

• So. Monday was a big day! They canceled Tucker!
  

Or maybe he's for real, in which case, seriously: Do not call the number.

According to Radar, disgraced former Page Sixer Jared Paul Stern has been hired by BlackBook as books editor. EIC Steve Garbarino rationalizes it for you:

This has got to be our favorite press release of the young week:

You guys so came through and did our work for us today! Many thanks. Jesus lives to poo on our hand another day. In fact, He pooed just now. And it looked like Jesus.

Okay, we realize we re basically talking to ourselves here, but Yom Kippur is no excuse for the paltry amount of readers tips coming in today. For shame, Unchosen Ones, for shame. We know you're there at your desk not doing any work (because we can see you — you may want to rethink that shirt, by the way). Therefore, we re taking matters into our own steepled hands to encourage you to send us more juicy emails. Since it just so happens that one of us has a parakeet named Jesus, we ve decided that unless the tips starting rolling in, Jesus is going down. You have till the stroke of 5:00. What would Jesus do? He would send us links to Britney's homemade porno and guesses about which rapper likes to eat manloaf. So start acting more Christ-like or the 'keet gets it.

With only two weeks to go till New York City's primary-election day, the Sun has uncovered rampant fraud in the registration rolls. "Dozens of voters," says the paper — and, yes, that's not just a handful, but entire dozens — are claiming to reside at demonstrably false addresses. And it gets worse, reports Meghan Clyne: