As you stretch out on your carpet, recovering from yesterday's stuffing and cursing yourself for bringing up the abortion issue at your family's Thanksgiving dinner (for the third year in a row!), you may be pondering some of life's bigger questions. Or, you may be Style.com's illiterate stylist Blair. In that case you'd be thinking, "Hilary [Clinton] is going to have to have a make over if she is going to be our president for 4 years". And if you were lucky enough to be Blair (noted author of The hotest glasses you we ever come across in the univers), you could then publish your horribly spelled and poorly thought out slideshow on Style.com for all the world to see. Not that Blair doesn't raise some pressing points! What will Hillary wear at her "Inagaration Ball," or while "shoping for furniture for the White House?"

One night after Brad Womack made The Bachelor history by throwing his final rose into a blender with some ice chipped from his cold heart and whipping up a rejection smoothie for the two lovestruck finalists with whom he had no intention of pursuing a relationship, ABC lured him back before their cameras to further explain his controversial decision not to enter into the easily reversible, faux betrothal that's supposed to end each season of the series.

Got questions? Blogger and author and radio personality Tionna Tee Smalls has answers, and, to be blunt, a large chest! All you have to do is ask, and she'll give you the former, not the latter. Today, an advice-seeker learns whether the married man she's seeing is ever going to leave his wife.

In an unprecedented move that threatens to undermine the sacred premise of future installments of ABC's blockbuster TV-matchmaking franchise The Bachelor, America's heart was cleaved in twain as Brad Womack (billed repeatedly as The Sexiest Bachelor Yet!) refused to pretend that he'd fallen for any of this season's desperate-for-companionship contestants and offer one of the show's trademark, temporary-commitment-affirming engagement rings to either finalist, walking away from the the series finale as a single man.

This morning, Atlanta internet-dater John Fitzgerald Page added another item to his impressive resume: he has now appeared on CBS's Early Show! Julie Chen looked on in horror from her side of the split-screen as John revealed that he still doesn't understand why that girl turned him down on Match.com. "Basically, if you hit on somebody on Match.com and you find them attractive, and then you find out that they have a good job with a good company and they live in a good part of town in a nice area and they take care of themselves ... that's not the time you'd reject them, I'd think," he retarditerates. "Every blog in the country" has covered him, he complained. Also, "people I've gotten roles have taken me off their 'friends' page." Ouch! But: "I know who I am and I'm just going to keep living my life and enjoying myself."

Last night's episode of VH1's America's Next Most Smartest Model—easily the most damning basic cable exposé on the insufficient intellects of the mannequin class since E!'s 101 Best 'I Can't Believe That Pretty Dummy Just Said That Stupid Thing!' Fashion Show Moments—asked the age-old question: how shitfaced is too shitfaced to network in a bar stocked with people from the industry who can potentially help one achieve his or her dreams of stardom?

No, not you, Tyra Banks! You are looking positively svelte on this cycle of ANTM, even adroitly covering up your "vagina arms" most of the time. (Your stank attitude is another story—that moment on last night's episode when you corrected Twiggy's pronunciation of "Bianca" was salty. She has a British accent, okay?) Anyway, Intern Mary has compiled the body mass indexes of every contestant on every cycle since the dawn of America's Next Top Model. A BMI of below 18.5 is considered underweight, fyi.

In honor of Project Runway's return tonight (and just in the nick of time, as the prospect of nothing but new episodes of The Rachael Ray Show made us want to plunge the closest shish-kabob skewer into the spongy centers of our brains), we thought we'd salute the competition's unsung heroes: The models, blank canvases called upon week after week to strut down the titular thoroughfare looking far sexier and more confident than anyone forced by a mentally unstable designer to wear a chain-basket hat has any right to be. And with a nod to our previous Runway guessing game , we'll throw out another puzzler: Which of these models loves the New York Mets, is addicted to chick flicks, and simply abhors tardiness? The answer is here.

Periodically an advertiser gives us (well, someone here!) a lot of money to run a contest. This time around, the advertiser is the sketch comedy show, The Whitest Kids U'Know. Since issues of race are interesting to us anyway, we were happy to create a contest. We're asking you to send a photograph of (wait for it) the whitest kid you know. A couple of things: First, you must actually know this person. We won't accept photographs of, for instance, Sir Harry Evans, unless you actually know Sir Harry Evans! Secondly, the person doesn't have to be white. Race is a social construct. Whiteness can be interpreted in any way you wish. But just like in college, your reading of whiteness must be bolstered by robust argument! Thirdly, you can be the whitest kid you know. Entirely possible, possibly likely! Also, there's a prize and rules.

Do you need advice? Author and blogger Tionna Tee Smalls has some for you. Just ask! Today: what's up with incest?

If there's one potentially happy side-effect of the strike-hobbled, reality-TV-riddled primetime schedules that will soon be necessitated by the writers strike's shutdown of the script pipeline, it's that Richard Simmons will probably enjoy a much-deserved career resurgence as his personal services become coveted by producers desperate for a hit from the stunt-cameo crackpipe.

Last night the big Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation gala at the Marriott Marquis had an endless program of award-giving to the likes of Meryl Streep and Bob Woodruff. But notes an attendee: Whenever the guests could get up and mingle amid all this honoring, a "a big black guy" in a tan suit would emerge from the side of the room and stand behind Anne Hathaway and her scandal-ridden boyfriend, Raffaello Follieri. Did Meryl Streep have a bodyguard? No. Did Diane Sawyer, Barbara Walters or Robin Williams? God no. And we've seen the delightful Ms. Hathaway out and about plenty, and she does just fine without any security. "The weird thing," writes our spy, "was no one was approaching the guy anyway and, since it was a multiple-thousand dollar-a-plate event, my money is on the off-chance that it is not terribly likely that a crazed Raffaello fan will get through security, secrete a razor blade from his sphincter and slit his throat." Oh, I dunno. We wouldn't put that past any of the people the young Italian has apparently done wrong—least of all the Pope, Ron Burkle and Bill Clinton.

New research indicates that curvy women are smarter than skinny women—the very skinny host of "The Morning Show," which airs on Fox, says so! Except in doing so, she gets confused and turns to co-host Michael Jerrick for help. He doesn't. An hourglass figure means "your waist is smaller than you waist and boobs." Then he makes a hand gesture that is supposed to represent a woman's "bamamama." Huh? After that he mentions Marilyn Monroe. "What size dress did she wear?" asks Juliet. "8-9," replies Michael, semi-correctly. Underminerly Juliet replies, "Oh, I thought she wore a size 12." Nope! You're just skinny and you don't know how to count!

Last night on the morally vexed television show "Kid Nation," viewers were introduced to members of the upper class: Natasha from Miami and Mingle from Illinois. According to Alex, a nine-year-old from Reno who is never seen without sunglasses, they're like the "Paris and Nicole." Later in the conversation, Alex confesses he doesn't really know what that means. Of course he wouldn't! His favorite movie stars are Gene Kelly and Ginger Rogers. You stay gold, tiny unicorn angel!

Nightmare online dater John Fitzgerald Page isn't going to sink back down to the bottom of the boggy internet-lake quite yet. He's still trying to puzzle out why people had such a strong negative response to his braggy, hatefilled email to a girl who had the audacity to turn him down on Match.com. "The problem was [her profile] has six pictures of her head," he reiterated recently in an interview with Atlanta alt-weekly Creative Loafing. "If you Internet date, you realize that means she's trying to hide something... I didn't harass her. I just sent her an e-mail saying basically 'I have these statistics and you can't hang.' They're threatening my life because I blew off a fat chick on the Internet." The bright light of semi-selfawareness might be beginning to penetrate the murk, however: "During our conversations, he asked repeatedly, 'Do I seem like the worst person in the world?'"

If only all guests of The View carried on with the candor of a Damon Wayans, whose folksy take on such hot-button topics as Don Imus's return to radio ("When he called them 'nappy-headed hos,' I went, 'Wow. He's right!'"), and the lack of available women possessing the basic, barefoot culinary skills he demands in a partner, energized the typically moribund proceedings.

Amy Fisher—sassy lacy lover, snooty wife-shooter and would-be porn film star—had just told Page Six that she was ready to forgive her once-estranged and now-embraced husband Lou Bellera's filming and distribution of their sexual exploits. But according to TMZ, that's not so. Now the Long Island Lolita has filed suit in a misguided attempt to maintain her honor and block the release of the video.

Got ish? Our advice columnist, the author and blogger Tionna Tee Smalls, is here to help you handle your problems in a mature and reasonable fashion. Ask her anything! In this week's installment: How to approach a woman who has dated the same man as you in the spirit of sisterly solidarity, and how to beat her up when that doesn't work out.

Affairs of the heart are never easy for outsiders to understand. But when they stray into the office, they, alas, become everyone's business. Which is why we asked, a while back, which Googler had put his marriage at risk over an affair with a coworker. As commenter notelling correctly guessed after we ran a blind item, it's Omid Kordestani, Google's top sales executive. Kordestani's no mere sales guy, however. For one, he's worth $2.2 billion, thanks to his Google shares. And inside the Googleplex, he's referred to as the company's "business founder," responsible for the fabulously successful money machine that is AdWords. With his stunningly beautiful and intelligent wife, Bita, shown above to the left, Kordestani might seem to have it all. But all was not enough.

There's nothing like good-natured competition amongst cofounders. So which Google founder topped the other with the best wedding locale? Sergey Brin and Anne Wojcicki of 23AndMe conjoined their gene pools at magician David Copperfield's exclusive Musha Cay, and it's rumored that Larry Page and fiancée Lucy Southworth have reserved Richard Branson's Necker Island, pictured above, for a December 7 wedding. A complete comparison of the private islands after the jump. Who splurged the most? You decide.