Since Owen Wilson was hospitalized on Sunday, TMZ has done five posts about the world's saddest clown. This is a bit odd, considering that on the single day that Lindsay Lohan got caught with cocaine in the pants that weren't hers, the site did 24. Why aren't they updating us on his every move? Why haven't they talked to "friends" and his brothers and anyone who ever took a crap within a 12-mile radius of him? Something's fishy. Is TMZ suddenly all sensitive because Owen attempted suicide? Maybe. But doubt it. Any ideas? Do let us know.

Anyone who's been watching MTV's sorta-reality show The Hills this season knows that Audrina—the kind of hanger-on in star Lauren Conrad's orbit who managed to worm her way into Lauren's life and become her roommate and new BFF once former BFF Heidi spread those nasty rumors about her and started dating the spawn of Satan—has this kind of vapidness that either indicates she's really, really stupid, or she's just decided to play the stupid one on the show. Because really, it boggles the mind to think that she actually believes that her loser ex-boyfriend just magically decided to reappear in her life during the third season of her wildly successful reality TV show! But that seems to be what she's throwing down.

The other day, a magazine arrived addressed to a former occupant of my apartment. It was a copy of The Nest magazine, which is published by theknot.com. The thinking seems to be that women go to theknot.com and buy The Knot magazine to prepare for their weddings, and then once they're married, they move on to The Nest. If there was ever a reason to want to avoid becoming a "married," as they refer to themselves, this would be it.

Each season on Project Runway, "Fashion Director for Elle Magazine" Nina Garcia gets bitcher and bitchier as she gets more famous. She's enough to remind us why we never worked for a fashion magazine. That, and we're not a size 2. Nina has a new book coming out after Labor Day called The Little Black Book of Style, where she imparts her wisdom about the world of fashion unto others for the low, low price of $17.95, or just $3.95 more than a year's subscription to Elle. Money well spent, undoubtedly. In Chapter Two—"The Basics"—Nina teaches us about juxtaposition. Because it's still the 80's where she is.

Utter nuttiness in the Voice today concerning Dr. Brad Jacobs, the Upper East Side plastic surgeon who's been accused of everything from purposely giving patients outsize boob jobs to smoking crystal meth with a patient, having sex with her while she was recovering from a nosejob and "deforming her face." Gross. So what's Dr. Brad got to say in his own defense? Well, it's 2007, so he's got an open letter up on a website. It's kind of a Crap Email From A Dude!

Tired of dealing with your ish all by yourself? Starting right now, you can ask Tionna Tee Smalls, the author of Girl, Get Your Mind Right, and of the blog Talk Dat Ish, about love, relationships, life, and who is the best contestant on 'Making The Band.' We finally found an advice columnist! (She was in Brooklyn.)

Yesterday, we learned about former cripplesex-beat Voice reporter Mara Altman's inability to orgasm with a 31-year-old Muslim man named Rafiq. Today, we go deeper—get it? Like, deeper into her vagina?—and learn about how, in Bangkok, she "learned to pay for human contact."

Remember Page Six The Magazine? The first issue, helmed by Jared Paul Stern, was a glossy brand extension of Richard Johnson's fiefdom. The second issue, published months later, was another decent, if seemingly random, attempt to further monetize the paper's gossip sheet. It was also presumably to give the celebrity weeklies a run for their money—though coming out once every eight months or so isn't the best way to instill fear in your competitors. But multiple sources confirm that Page Six The Magazine is coming back on Sunday, Sept. 23 as a weekly, and it won't look very much like its predecessors. Instead, it'll be more like the New York Times money-minter T. But can a glossy lifestyles magazine make it attached to a gritty tabloid?

Each week, the 'New York Times' publishes wedding announcements from the newsworthy set. While it's true that you'll never find love and eventually you'll wind up settling for whoever's left, your sad little dreams put to a terrible end in some dingy rented hall that was the only place you and the schmuck you wound up with could afford, it's still nice to know that good things can happen to other, better people. Intern Alexis tallies the score from Vowland.

This week, Michael Winerip's New York Times Parenting column focuses on a wild phenomenon. It turns out that when you work at home, sometimes you actually have to, like, take care of the house! Crazy. (Seriously, this guy makes their online-life columnist Michelle Slatalla look like Frank Rich.) You remember Winerip; he's the Times writer exiled to the lonely Regionals section, where he can safely muse about the fact that his kids aren't getting into Harvard from his comfortable Long Island perch.

Each season on Project Runway, "Fashion Director for Elle Magazine" Nina Garcia gets bitcher and bitchier as she gets more famous. That eternal tan! That perfectly highlighted hair! That little smirk every time they mention that she is "Fashion Director for Elle Magazine"! The way she plays favorites! It's all enough to remind us why we never worked for a fashion magazine. That, and we're not a size 2. Anyway, Nina has a new book coming out after Labor Day called The Little Black Book of Style, where she imparts her wisdom about the world of fashion unto others for the low, low price of $17.95, or just $3.95 more than a year's subscription to Elle. Money well spent, undoubtedly. In Chapter One—"Be Your Own Muse"—we learn that it's about confidence, not style! Except that confidence influences style? And style is part of confidence? And that Nina Garcia might not have passed logic. And if you have a fat ass, wear tight clothes. Especially if you want to be her assistant!

Each season on Project Runway, "Fashion Director for Elle Magazine" Nina Garcia gets bitcher and bitchier as she gets more famous. That eternal tan! That perfectly highlighted hair! That little smirk every time they mention that she is "Fashion Director for Elle Magazine"! The way she plays favorites! It's all enough to remind us why we never worked for a fashion magazine. That, and we're not a size 2. Anyway, Nina has a new book coming out after Labor Day called The Little Black Book of Style, where she imparts her wisdom about the world of fashion unto others for the low, low price of $17.95, or just $3.95 more than a year's subscription to Elle. Money well spent, undoubtedly. In the Author's Note, we learn that Nina's style was formed not just by her glamorous Colombian parents, but also by the frumpy girls at her prep school outside of Boston.

The article in the Times today about "inappropriate yoga guys," as immortalized in one of the funniest YouTube videos we've ever seen (seriously, watch it and see if you don't spit out your coffee when he does that Ujjayi breath), rips off all our blinders and reveals the shocking seamy underbelly of the yoga world. Just kidding, nothing in it will particularly shock any lady who has ever a) taken a yoga class that wasn't women's or prenatal or b) familiarized herself with the work of Gawker bete noire Eric Schaeffer, who prowls gyms looking for spandex-clad ladies at their most vulnerable. But we wonder if even he has pulled some of the heinous stunts described in this article.

We were just noting how it's a bit of a wackier day than normal in Defamerland—what with the Gay Pride float oracles, acupuncture needles on the red carpet, and Swedish golf cart joy rides—when what should appear in our inbox but a series of truly glorious and mind-boggling photographs, taken not but an hour ago on Melrose by a highly placed operative. Yes, that is a completely naked man, strolling down the street with a leopard flung around his neck. Our witness explains:

According to an article in The Stranger, "Smoking pot is a guy thing. Guys are the ones who deal, buy, and smoke. In 2005, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services stated that adult males were 50 percent more likely to have smoked marijuana in the last month than females." Could be! Or maybe it's just that women lie more about their stonerosity because it's so much less acceptable for women to look lazy.

Dana Vachon is parlaying his short-lived stint at J.P. Morgan and brief moment in the literary spotlight into a career writing about Wall Street for women's magazines. Take this month's effort, a 5-page spread in Marie Claire called "A Field Guide to Wall Street's Women": the Social Commando, the Ivy Beleaguered, the Nuptialista, and the Big Swinging Chick. What does each of these women tell us about Dana?

Hey, remember when were were all sort of disgusted but secretly aroused by those o-face pix of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo in a Mexican hot tub? Well! There's more where that came from. Don't you hate it when you get breast implants that make it look like your tits are glancing in opposite directions? Yeah, we imagine Vanessa does too. Also: bushier than you'd think!

We started getting the emails in April, as far as we can tell. At first, they seemed to simply be curious about a woman who had been in the news. "Since she was all over the papers in January 2007 with her boyfriend Todd Thomson.....I haven't read or seen a thing. Your gawker stalker would be doing me a favor if he sees Maria with anyone other than Jonathan.......that would be news. Remember CNBC SAYS MARIA HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG." Okay, a little incoherent, but not glaringly! We filed the point away in our minds. The emails kept coming.

In a recent interview, The Brave One star Jodie "Without a Y" Foster was tenderly prodded by More magazine about her long-rumored, but never outwardly acknowledged, personal leanings. (If you're still in the dark as to what is we're talking about, perhaps Out's cover story "The Glass Closet," or her ranking as #43 on a list of Hollywood Power-Gays, can provide further insight.) After the reporter inquired about the shiny piece of hardware gracing her ring finger, Foster deflected the questions by instead discussing her symbol-laden dream life:

Hey, we're getting surer that new Gawker nemesis Suze Yalof Schwartz is the Glamour editor who thinks black "political" hairstyles like afros or dreadlocks are an office "don't." (We're all interested in confirming the identity of this mystery editor, by the way. Go on, chime in!)