Conservative savior Sarah Palin swooped into liberal Massachusetts yesterday for a rally on the Boston Common. There were lots of old white people, some stupid signs, and a bunch of boring speeches. We mingled. Here's what we saw.

Yesterday we shared a bunch of excerpts from Kitty Kelley's gossipy new Oprah biography. Today: Another batch of potentially scandalous snippets from the book, provided you're willing to believe a 68-year-old woman who still goes by "Kitty."

There seems to be a similarity among individuals I've spoken to (and myself) who have got into a routine of watching Modern Family. It rubs us the wrong way. We continue to watch it.

Meddling college students from California State University, Stanislaus dug the hospitality rider for Sarah Palin's upcoming speech at the college out of the trash. Good job, students! Now we learn Sarah Palin likes to drink America's milkshake with bendable straws.

Celebrity profiler Kitty Kelley's unauthorized Oprah biography was released today. But who has time to sit down and read a 544-page book? We spent the afternoon going through the exhaustive tell-all to bring you the juiciest bits.

While drunk Republicans in impoverished cities that their party allowed to be literally drowned just might deserve whatever the fuck they get, there's no indication that a Republican couple was beaten up in New Orleans last Friday for political reasons.

Disgusting lesbians aren't the only things ruining prom these days. Stupid school administrators and awful parents are also doing the rite of passage a great disservice. The latest trend is scheduling the dances on school nights, to curb after-partying.

It was the Big Day on America's favorite teen remake of Husbands & Wives last night, with couples breaking up and fighting and maybe some new ones being formed. Oh, plus there was a wedding for some lady.

The Pulitzer Prizes came out today. One went to a columnist who wrote two years ago that Barack Obama was ethnically unequipped to understand America, and another went to the greatest songwriter of all time. Both of them were mistakes.

Well, he is very funny. But otherwise, this seems peculiar. Starting in November the jilted carrot top will do a Monday-Thursday 11pm laffer/talker on TBS, pushing George Lopez's little program to midnight. Updated

Just friends or bust friends? America's most respected scandal sheet reports that our nemesis Martha Stewart is trying to horn her way in on Hillary Clinton's man—Bill Clinton, former prez! Martha, you cad, allegedly!

The New York Times announces the weddings. Phyllis Nefler pits the couples against each other in that weekly battle royale we call Altarcations. This week: Creative class cage match and a Real Housewives cameo.

Not only is Michelle "Bombshell" McGee a large part of Jesse James' public shaming for cheating on Sandra Bullock, but she's also going through a custody battle of her own. She just filed court papers declaring she's not a Nazi.

Hey, universally hated baby-killing congresscreep Bart Stupak is retiring, too. For some reason the "Tea Parties" are taking credit for this, even though they are just the noisiest group of people who dislike him. (These guys deserve some credit too!)

Malcolm McClaren, manager for the Sex Pistols, punk rock pioneer, composer, and fascinating character, died in New York today. He was 64. Attached, Malcolm takes (far, far too much) credit for inventing punk rock and The Sex Pistols.

She still hates her castmates, though! At least that's what she told us last night at The Park at the premiere party for indie film Happythankyoumoreplease. We got the scoop on the show's upcoming season.

Anna Wintour: "Just Being Near Her Will Make You Chic." Did you know that? Now is your chance to bid on a "priceless week-long experience" with Anna, for charity. It's just as worthless as an internship, but costlier!

A crazy has been arrested for making threats against Nancy Pelosi. I am guessing the eventual details of this one will be a doozy. "One official said the man is believed to have spoken directly with Pelosi at least once."

Remember when Ricky was gay-ish on My So-Called Life and it was sort of a big deal? Well those days are over. There are several gay teen characters currently on the air, and no one's saying boo.

In last night's episode there was a violent game of Assassin, while other people warred with each other in their own way, and, inevitably, something died.