The World Health Organization just raised the pandemic alert to Level 5! That is is the second-highest level! We will literally all be dead by the end of the year, it is now 100% certain.

Oh, good, Sarah Palin is going to be on the show about people who make motorcycles. Here is angry motorcycle builder Paul Teutul Sr. with the Governor of Alaska, on her famous "giant bearskin couch."

The Mexican Swine Flu outbreak and it subsequent media coverage: what does renowned Life Stylist Blair French have to say about it? Enough to issue an ill-advised press release, astoundingly!

FriendFinder Networks, the publisher of Penthouse and operator of adult-classifieds websites, is facing a sexy legal scandal. A former top executive who went public with her grievances has now filed a lawsuit.

Now is the perfect time to make movies about the economy, because it's all anyone can talk about, so they must want to watch it, too. Specifically, someone should really do a Wall Street sequel.

On the day you're the guy who switches parties and potentially gives Democrats a super-majority in the U.S. Senate, there are certain perks. Like making people read your boring New York Review of Books piece.

Peter Thiel, foremost among Silicon Valley's loopy libertarians and the first outside investor in Facebook, has written an essay declaring that the country went to hell as soon as women won the right to vote.

During his presidential campaign, Barack Obama made audience members faint on a near-daily basis with his astounding coolness. Now that he's president, he's turning his swoon-inducing powers to federal employees.

Gossip Girl!! What did you doooo??? Last night's episode definitely stepped on some toes, what with its swift plotting and actual things happening. Josh Schizzy must be pissed, yo. Queller, was this your doing?

Here we are two days into the Swine Flu Panic of '09, and dead bodies have yet to be stacked up like cordwood on the streets of American cities. Face it: this story is dumb.

It's been 12 days since the story of hipster grifter Kari Ferrell swept the world, and here's an amazing thing: she's vanished! Here's a more amazing thing: she's still in NYC!

Gawker has some questions for Jesse B. Watters, the Fox News producer that Bill O'Reilly likes to send out to ambush his enemies. So we're outside his building in Long Island. Right now. (Hi, Jesse!)

Lauren Conrad's most recent and, let's face it, quite possibly last appearance on the Late Show was an odd cocktail of passive-aggressive barbs and ribald, lusty commentary from host David Letterman.

The Tonight Show is a no-show tonight. Host Jay Leno has checked himself into the hospital, and NBC is airing a rerun instead of the planned lineup featuring actor Ryan Reynolds.

Meghan McCain guest-hosted on The View today. It was a veritable salon. It reminded Meghan of Columbia, the "high-brained" school that she desperately wants you to know she attended. It didn't take, Meghan.

Men who were problem-solving machines in finance have been laid off, and are now forced to do "family" activities. Silver lining: finally some dudes with real smarts to clean up these "PTA meetings" and shit!

What happened on Larry King Live last night? Why was Larry panting over and fondling Levi Johnston's tattoo? What was with the creepy "sheep sex in the woods" undertones?

Oh, good, Arianna Huffington is using her "Huffingtontowne Evening Post-Gazette" to promote the idiotic vaccine conspiracy nonsense of Earth Girls Are Easy star Jim Carrey.

This month's Washingtonian features a four-month old paparazzi photograph of our president in a bathing suit. This is apparently an occasion for outrage, or concern, or an excuse to run a picture of Obama shirtless.

This is what Rachel Kramer Bussel, a sex writer, argues on The Daily Beast today. Because, you know, David Karp touches other boys and, um, I Love You, Man came out. There's only one problem: