Crazy-corrupt former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich can't go to Costa Rica to take part in an NBC reality show, a federal judge told the Chicago poet-crook today. But what about the children?

Tina Fey is funny, sure, but she's also really rich. I mean, just look at her new Upper West Side pad. Four bedrooms, fireplace, library. Liz Lemon has hit the big time. Here are pictures:

What is Gossip Girl? Is it shadow? Is it light? Is it some dusky energy in between, full of whispers and haunts and newborn ghosts? Maybe. But it's also just a silly TV show. OK:

Gawker emeriti Alex Balk and Choire Sicha have launched their blog, The Awl ("a pointed tool for marking surfaces or piercing small holes"), which explains where I sit and features Emily Gould's advice. Welcome back.

Somali pirates are swaggering around shore like big gangsters, stealing women from the honest guys. Which is ironic, since the best idea yet to control the pirates is: make the women hit them with rocks.

Ashton Kutcher, we wish we could quit you. The model-actor-director-wantrepreneur has been racing CNN to attract a million followers on Twitter, and he barely won this morning. People are already suggesting the contest was rigged.

How did hipster grifter and fugitive from justice Kari Ferrell take advantage of so many people in two separate states? With charm! We have two charming emails from her, as proof. She's sorry, okay?

Us Weekly became the third magazine in a week reprimanded by the American Society of Magazine Editors for impure ads. It's as if Us, Entertainment Weekly and ESPN the Magazine don't care about purity!

A tipster has come through with the first solid intelligence on hipster grifter Kari Ferrell's whereabouts since news of her criminal exploits broke yesterday. She's allegedly still right here in Brooklyn!

Kari Ferrell, the crazy pathological liar and scammer now legally known as the "Hipster Grifter," is already an internet superstar! We have new stories about her from unfortunate acquaintances. And the cops are everywhere!

Republicans are up in arms over the insinuation that their historical reenactments of acts of violent vandalism are somehow extremist. So they are comparing themselves—favorably!—to the guy in Fight Club who blows up banks.

Everybody, even Ashley Dupre, thinks yoga is so great that they even make their dogs do it and stuff, but what about when the yoga instructor hypnotizes and molests your girlfriend in class? Oh it happens.

George W. Bush's daughter Barbara is following in her grandmother's footsteps. The other Bush twin is said to be marrying on-again, off-again beau Jay Blount, a 2005 Yale graduate and fraternity member, this summer.

What's this, the weekend magazine of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch has pictured miscegenation in action, and the locals are outraged! Imagine this photo, where your kids could see. Let's explore the comments, shall we? Yes:

Madonna, a song singer, paid $40 million to some lucky bastard for a townhouse on the UES. It reminds her of London, they say! Whatever. Here are some interior pictures of this rich, rich place:

It was one thing for John McCain to ignore Sarah Palin when he rattled off a list of Republican rising stars — "governors who are young and dynamic" — on the Tonight Show.

Finally, someone has combined the most puzzling qualities of Snuggies and Park Slope Parenthood into one atrocious product: the "Peekaru."

Barack Obama's daughters have named the first dog Bo, after a cousin's cat and in honor of Michelle Obama's grandfather, who was nicknamed Diddley. Also, intrigue surrounds the leak if his identity!

Martha Stewart, our arch-nemesis, has a few ideas about how to save some money during this recession: buy fewer trees, but more glitter kits. She also demands that you knit her a scarf!

Meghan McCain, the vacuous and comically self-regarding daughter of failed presidential candidate John McCain, sold a book to Hyperion for "high six figures" (that's dealspeak for around $750,000) in which she'll lay out—what, exactly?