Though they only confirmed their relationship a short time ago, it looks like Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson may already be heading for a break-up! One of our inside New York sources, Guest of a Guest spotted the actress/deejay duo at the Waverly Inn last night, a Gotham hotspot frequented by all of the Big Apple's most in-the-know glitterati. All seemed well enough as they dashed out of a sleek black SUV and past the usual swarm of paparazzi into the restaurant. But then things got ugly! Our source tells us:

[UPDATE: The ad agency in question has contacted us to say that these spots are spoofs from an unknown source, not actual ads approved by Bayer. Please note that as you read this post]. Well. Health care giant Bayer is advertising its new burn cream [actually, is not] by reaching out to cannibal mothers, apparently. The tagline on these ads out of Egypt reads, "Heals their burn and your guilt, fast." Ha, yes, ummm, we'll just back slowly out of the room now and call the authorities. Even serial fount of outrage Copyranter is left speechless at these. Click through for the other, equally horrific cartoony ad. If you are some sort of monster:

As THR reported recently, MGM is planning a musical remake of the cult classic Valley Girl, which became the epitome of everything the magical land of acrylic nails and gum chewing addictions stood for in the early `80s. However, the remake is ruffling the feathers of many an industry insider, mainly because the brains behind this project are less interested in revisiting the infamous twang and mall headquarters associated with girls from the Valley, a group the film arguably captured better than any successor. Instead, the epic soundtrack will serve as the reincarnation's primary subject. But whether or not the idea tanks, we're just happy to have the chance to round up our five favorite on-screen Valley Girls to ever gag us with a spoon:

Oh hey, looks like now that someone knows he'll never be president, he's relaxing a bit. John Edwards, the man who became a fiery populist in 2007 or so but still could not interest voters, is in a spot of trouble! Drudge: "NATIONAL ENQUIRER CATCHES JOHN EDWARDS AT BEVERLY HILTON." Now. Matt won't say what he was "caught" doing, but we hear he was with a lady. Sigh. This is going to make us look quite the fool for being skeptical of those last Edwards rumors. Ha ha oh shit, the Enquirer story is up and it involves a LOVE CHILD.

A query from a freelancer working on a piece for CNN found its way to us today. They're looking for subjects that have traded sex for goods and services—you know, "used casual sex to get someone to assemble that Ikea shelving unit... help you move, do your taxes, edit your masters thesis, cut you a deal on the rent, or any other favor?" Personally? No; I put together my own shelving units and pay people to do my taxes, thanks. But we will not judge if you don't, especially since they'd also like to hear from those who have been offered sex in exchange for mildly frustrating menial labor. Click for the full query and see if you can help—the writer's deadline is July 24th!

When Katie Couric read a page from her "notebook" back in June, highlighting sexist media coverage of Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign, we wondered if maybe she wasn't also talking about herself. Couric was, after all, facing record-low ratings, and her bosses said sexism was partly responsible for viewer apathy. Well, Couric put to rest any doubts she identifies with Clinton in an interview with Haaretz newspaper in Israel, where she is traveling on vacation. In it, she argues that sexism is more common than racism in America, and that she has felt its effects — just like Hillary:

The tumult surrounding Project Runway continues, now with illicit spoilers. The fashion design competition show has been involved in all sorts of hullabaloo ever since the news dropped that the series would be moving from Bravo to Lifetime after the 5th season, which premiered last week. NBC Universal was pissed and threatened to sue. Then came more bad news about Nina Garcia-related woes and a much groaned-about move to Los Angeles. As this new season approached, Bravo seemed to barely acknowledge it-almost as if they were bitterly trying to sabotage the show. And now these spoilers. Some sneaky someone went onto the show's Wikipedia page and added results for the next four challenges, including who gets eliminated. Is it real, is it a hoax? Take a look after the jump at a screenshot of the "Designer Elimination Chart" and judge (heh) for yourself. Update: Most of the chart has been removed from the Wiki page, but we still have the screenshot!

Nina Garcia, the erstwhile Project Runway judge and former Elle fashion director, is truly a force of nature. We told you last week that during her final months at Elle, Garcia was getting paid a hefty fee for making public appearances for Anne Klein. But a source tells us that the Anne Klein endorsement, an angry publisher, and Garcia's own strange sense of ethics helped get her booted from Elle in the first place!

If you haven't yet done so this summer, there's no time like the present to pack a few bottles, grab a blanket and head down to park for some fresh air and a picnic. And nothing quite hits the spot like a lovely Dirt Sandwich, bringing you all the cool, replenishing nutrients of the week that was in entertainment news. You could people-watch, we suppose, but face it: The exploits of cursed Sarah Silverman, shirtless Mormon missionaries, "double-dissed" Jon Voight, Miley-courting Coldplay and bad-art magnet Howie Mandel (among other too numerous to mention) just yield too much week—ending deliciousness to pass up. So indulge! Resident culinary genius and Defamer videographer Molly McAleer can always make more!

Ok guys, deep breaths. Do you know the Fanjuls? Pepe and his lovely wife Emilia? They're maybe the wealthiest Cuban-American couple in the nation. Emilia, a socialite about Palm Beach, the Dominican Republic, and, yes, New York, is famous for her charitable work. Recently she's made a couple headlines for her newest project—"helping to finance and build a sparkling new campus for Glades Academy, a charter school in the town of Pahokee, Fla.," a town full of impoverished migrant workers and their families. So it's odd, isn't it, that her "executive assistant" and publicist is a white supremacist.

Metro, the free paper best known for causing track fires on the NYC subways, ran a cover story yesterday that is totally indefensible, even by the lowly journalism standards of free morning papers. Radar spotted it: a front page splash about an innocent grad student girl who was supposedly attacked by four wild young black females because she was wearing a t-shirt with the slogan, "OBAMA IS MY SLAVE." The paper's one and only source? The untalented media whore designer who sold the mystery girl the shirt. (We would feel dirty giving him more PR than necessary, but it was this prick). But guess what, Metro: we got that press release too. And if this whole story isn't a hoax, I will personally buy one of those shitty shirts.

Click to viewIt's shaping up as a cruel summer for drunk, high or otherwise messed up celebrities trying to stay on the straight and narrow. Comedian Andy Dick was arrested this week for groping a 17-year-old's breasts while in possession of marijuana and Valium, in something of a reprise of his bust last year for doing blow in a nightclub. Actress and teen rehab veteran Drew Barrymore is now reported to have boozed her way to a breakup with actor Justin Long. Heather Locklear fled "depression and anxiety" rehab in Arizona after barely two weeks. Even a Rolling Stone, Ronnie Wood, surrendered himself to rehab again after leaving his wife for a 19-year-old cocktail waitress — and two bottles of vodka per day. Maybe all that summer daylight is pushing everyone over the edge! In any case, it's tough to keep track of who's where on the customary arc of high-profile substance abuse: embarrassment, criminality, rock-bottom desperation, rehabilitation and then either another trip around the circle or a break into the freedom of sobriety. That's why we've compiled a guide to once and future inebriated celebrities: 20 actors, singers, models and socialites who hog way more than their fair share of space in the gossip pages — and here on Gawker. We'll update and expand this list over time as a sort of encyclopedia of shame; your comments and tips are encouraged. (The arrows, by the way, indicate trends in drunkenness, so an upward arrow means getting drunker, downward means getting more sober.)

Click to viewLured as much by its illustrious roster of Hollywood comedy power-players as we were by Quebec's notoriously lax champagne-room laws and the promise of a poutine stand on every corner, Defamer dispatched editor Seth Abramovitch to Montreal to take in a few days of the 2008 Just For Laughs Festival. Now a quarter-century old, Just For Laughs has grown into the largest comedy festival—two weeks of stand-up, sketch comedy, movie screenings, and street performances. Tonight we'll be front and center for the much-hyped Apatow For Destruction, billed as "a unique night of stand-up comedy as writer/director/producer Judd Apatow assembles a veritable all-star team with one of Canada's biggest exports, Seth Rogen, Craig Robinson, Russell Brand and a line-up of some of the most buzzed about film and TV stars in comedy."

Kristen Schaal-are we all in agreement that she is the best?-did a great segment on The Daily Show last night that managed to perfectly parody a Tonight Show dangerous animal act and satirize the irritating and sexist "cougar" thing that's become the worst kind of bullshit trend. So watch it after the jump!

Forbes lays on the Cosmo when it comes to finding wives for the rich: "Today, there are just 110 eligible 10-figure bachelors, including divorced men, in the world. So what does it take to marry one? For starters, looks are great—but brains are even better." Take Melanie Craft, the romance-novelist wife of Oracle CEO Larry Ellison. A wife with her own career can stay busy and well-off. The more successful she is on her own, the more time her guy has to hire girls for rides in his Love Copter. And the less money he'll have to hand over in a future settlement. Everybody wins! (Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images)

In light of Pierce Brosnan's brave, warbling turn in Mamma Mia—as well as recent news that Kate Hudson would veer off the Bongo Romcom highway to explore the musical theater side roads in Rob Marshall's Nine—Defamer videologist Molly McAleer has compiled a countdown of 10 Classic Musical Crossover Performances. We've ordered these from least to most successful; some of these actors-who-sing are arguably better singers than they are actors, and have gone on to cut their own records. Some are clearly better actors than singers. And some should probably just give up both and become something sensible like a dental hygienist or insurance broker. We have no doubt you have your own strong opinions on notable omissions; feel free to post video in the comments.

It must really kill Dov Charney not to be able to advertise his hipster robot clothes via hardcore porn movies starring himself and a bevy of 18-year-old Eastern European beauties recently unloaded from a shipping crate in the dead of night. So the pervy American Apparel CEO and hero to the downtrodden keeps edging as close to that vision as possible. His latest effort: a foreign ad featuring a model licking some dude's boxer shorts-and some believe the dude in them is Dov himself, based solely on the hairy legs. Full ad that will haunt you, below:

Everyone's nervous about the Olympics this year. The Chinese government's politicization of the ceremonies reminded sponsors and spectators alike of its human rights record, particularly in Tibet. Broadcasters are pushing back against restrictions on TV reporting. Athletes are concerned about air quality. In short, the Olympics are the same politicized mess they've always been, and more commercial than ever. How to keep everyone focused on the athletic action? Easy, just keep the cameras pointed at the lithe young hardbodies that flock to this competition every four years. And if that seems like a lecherous degradation of a noble event, remember this: the Olympians themselves are notoriously bad at keeping their hands off one another once they get eliminated from competition. Remind yourself by browsing this photo gallery of hot Olympic athletes past and present, curated by intern Nicola Gherson.

Were you confused when you woke up Monday and some members of the elite were outraged about something and other members of the elite were not outraged? Internicene elitist warfare! Confusing! If you were like everyone on the internet, your reaction to that New Yorker cover satirizing the rumors about the Obamas went through five steps, from shock on Sunday to acceptance earlier this afternoon. Let us explain!

Times columnist Joe Nocera is a busy man, and he doesn't have time for flackery and foolishness. But he recently got one press release "so brazen, so craven, so mind-bogglingly inane" that he had to put it on his blog for the world to revile. And coincidentally it's from a flack who also blogs at Huffington Post! Do you need to make sure all the other moms in the park are insanely jealous of you and your stylish little drooling brood? Let Amanda Christine Miller tell you how to turn your children into mere fashion accessories!