Meet "Carla," who earned her law degree a decade ago and actually used it, unlike some people we know. In 2009 she was laid off and couldn't find another law job, because they've all been outsourced or backsourced or stolen by the Olds. So she found what her law school's Office of Career Services might call "an alternative career."
In a spirited, 32-minute address that demonstrated he still has some fire left (but not so much fire that he would dare pre-empt the Republican debates or 2011 NFL kickoff), President Barack Obama called for Congress to "stop the political circus" and approve a $450 billion defibrillation of the flatlining U.S. economy.
After last month's wild stock market fluctuations, Americans are all hoping that the various investment indexes calm down and return to a modest, steady climb. Right? Hahaha, no. Americans are all hoping to scrounge a nickel's worth of aluminum cans.
Last week, President Obama announced he'd reveal his plan for job creation before a joint session of Congress at the same time as tomorrow night's Republican presidential debate. John Boehner wasn't happy about this and asked the President to push his speech back a night; a few hours later, Obama acquiesced. No big deal, right? Or as Jon Stewart put it on tonight's Daily Show, "non-crisis averted!"
We've got to apologize. We at Gawker did not give you any advance preparation for Mitt Romney's big economic speech at McCandless International Trucks in North Las Vegas this afternoon! Alas, the strippers and illegal fireworks portion of the program has already concluded. So you're better off just sneaking out of work early to go home and read his 160-page economic plan, on the toilet.
In August, the United States of America, the mightiest economic power the world has ever seen, created the following number of jobs for its citizens: zero. Zero new jobs, according to the very latest jobs figures released this morning, which "show an economic recovery that appears to be puttering out."
There's something charming about Andrew Mason's goofiness. "I feel like clout is something that builds up on your teeth," the Groupon CEO once told Today in response to a question about his influence. But with two top lieutenants out the door in as many weeks, you have to wonder if the antics are starting to grate.
Did you know Saturday Night Live pays freelancers $100 per joke for Weekend Update? You can't just tie them to a rock and hurl them through an 8th floor window of Rockefeller Center, however. You must first get your name on something called "the fax list," which is a list of standups and comedy writers who have been vetted by a comedy writing establishment hopelessly mired in outdated modes of communication.
The classic corporate law firm business model involved hiring top law school grads and charging clients for their "work" these kids did, which involved learning how to be a lawyer, because of course recent law school grads are completely incompetent.
There's an art to shit-talking your co-workers. If you are to indulge in it, there's a certain checklist of precautions you'll need to take:
Brady Harrington, who last November was elected to his second term as mayor of Sodaville, Oregon, isn't mayor anymore, because his city council peers were tired of him never showing up for meetings and replaced him. Available job alert!
In your brave Wednesday media column: the journalism job outlook is... okay, another News of the World arrest, Tavis Smiley is peeved at Obama, an editor flees the HuffPo, and Dick Cheney interview time approaches.
Should Mike Moradian get a Harvard MBA? Or should Mike Moradian forever change education with his awesome web startup? Mike Moradian is tortured by this decision, so he has asked the nation to think about what will make the brightest possible future for Mike Moradian and then to get back to Mike Moradian with a recommendation. Don't you already want to help?
It's the first Friday in August! This means two things: The nice, brisk days of autumn aren't too far away, and the latest jobs report has come out. Employers added 117,000 jobs in July and brought the unemployment rate down one tenth of a percentage point to 9.1%. This is kind of good?
Welcome to August, everyone! It's the month where not one single thing gets done at anyone's job anywhere in the world. But just because there is nothing to do doesn't mean you can just sit at your desk and do nothing. Here's a guide to making yourself look busy without troubling with any actual work.
