A vast number of the states in our fine union are facing deep and painful budget cuts, thanks to the ongoing not-having of money, combined with lots of spending of money that we didn't have in the recent past. Education, social welfare, health care—the entire social safety net will have to be slashed. But with a little ingenuity, we'll be able to preserve our prison-industrial complex!
Gather round, children, and listen to the terrifying tale of New York City Housing Authority employee Anthony Dingle: in his workplace of woe, poor Anthony lived in a constant state of dread, fearing the evil cackle of his shrewish supervisor. Career—or calamity? This, we tell you, is a story of the darkest depths of distress and dejection. The story of a man whose boss's voice made him puke.
The ongoing War on Smoking, having already eroded your inalienable right to smoke in various public locations of your choice, is taking things to a whole nother level: they are going to quite literally blacklist smokers, refusing to hire them and even mandating piss tests for tobacco, to ensure that smokers remain unemployed, depressed, and smoky.
A US Airways flight from DC to Hartford was all set to take off Monday when—hey, do you hear a sort of muffled, thumping, screaming sound? Yes. Yes, definitely. The passengers did in fact hear that sound. It was a baggage handler who'd been locked in the cargo hold under the plane, by one of his colleagues, by accident. Whoops! Could be a very tense situation at the workplace, after that. The baggage handler got out though, and was fine (physically). The plane got off on time! It could have been worse.
The Way We Live Now: freezing our balls off. And by balls we mean "a metaphor for jobs," because jobs are what give Americans of all genders, thank you, the "cojones" to keep on truckin'. Castrated, economically, by a snowblade!
CNN laid hands on some internal FBI documents rounding up the Bureau's disciplinary actions since 2008. Guess what? Putting your wife in the hospital gets a 45-day suspension, but fudging an expense report or smoking marijuana gets you fired.
What would you do for $15 an hour? This "syndicated columnist" is looking for hired help with everything from "improving my image" to "dance instruction," to yardwork. Only omni-talented super geniuses need apply.
Here's depressing news from our nation's most depressing state. Residents of Flagler County, FL are eagerly awaiting the opening of a two-in-one Red Lobster/Olive Garden restaurant, hoping it will provide much needed jobs and revitalize a struggling community.
