In your perplexing Wednesday media column: Mort Zuckerman's eying Newsweek, movie stars are creeping off our magazine covers, the owner of the Cubs knows news, and people at People are out the door.

Looking to add a little celebrity star power to your upcoming teen abstinence conference? Why settle for some preacher dork when you could have famous teen ma Bristol Palin as your headline speaker? For a modest fee.

If there is one common current that runs throughout all of humanity, it is that everyone Googles themselves all day, every day. Humans are vain creatures! Copywriter Alec Brownstein used this fact to get a job via Google AdWords.

In your wet Wednesday media column: Peter Chernin assembling a secret empire, John Carney gets a new job, pay TV is far from dying, Jon Meacham meets Steven Rattner, and Vanity Fair joins the electronic age.

We all have jobs now! Let's spend beyond our means. Although, actually, before you go out and buy an iPad in celebration of the inevitable boom — unemployment still climbed from 9.7 to 9.9 per cent. [USA Today]

America is abuzz with the news that NBC Universal head Jeff Zucker—who has methodically and predictably destroyed the NBC brand during his tenure there—is considering running for elected office, once he gets canned. He's destined for politics.

The only way to "make it" in the media now is to pay a huge bribe to secure a coveted "intern" slot at a failing media outlet, where you can begin sleeping your way to the top. The going rates?

Every season, at every company, there has to be that one terrible intern. Usually they just fall asleep at work, or show up drunk. Allow us to introduce you to one intern candidate who sounds much, much worse.

The Washington Times, America's creakiest newspaper, started off 2010 by boldly firing 40% of its staff. Now, the paper has boldly fired its publisher. Which may be the smartest thing it's done this year.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs appears to have sent a new email to a fan, which we've obtained.

School districts annually admonish Take Your Child to Work Day as disruptive to education. They're missing the point: This holiday sucks because the only thing more boring than their schools is your job.

The Way We Live Now: Half-ass. Why do things properly when they will inevitably crumble with the next economic collapse? Our jobs are all short-term. Our schools are short-staffed. And now they want our booze. Is this how revolutions begin?

Media is not the only glamorous field in which you can work for free. The entertainment industry wants your free labor as well. Break into the prestigious world of HBO comedy, using only your own wits and indentured servitude!

We hear YouTube is preparing a new blog, and the video-sharing site is apparently seeking one or more professional journalists to write it. Google doesn't need to wait for bloggers to take videos viral when it start the process directly.

Unemployed techies, take heart: At least your soul isn't being shredded by an awful job. It sounds like that's the case with Macintosh co-inventor Andy Hertzfeld, who says acclaimed employer Google has smothered him and drained him of creative joy.

In your comment-free Monday media column: Tracy Morgan sits at the fancy table, rumors of a departure from Vogue, the WSJ targets NYT advertisers, everyone wants student newspapers to shut up, and black reporters are disappearing fast.

In your dangerous Thursday media column: a serious criminal charge for leaking to a reporter, Marie Claire goes all natural, the WSJ steals an AP reporter, and a new editor at In Touch.

Message from the economists at the Federal Reserve Bank of New York: although the recession is mostly over here in New York, our economy won't recover until Wall Street starts hiring again. So fuck everyone except Wall Street, as usual.

The Way We Live Now: Forcing the world to cater to our every selfish whim. Hey, the world does it to us, so why not? Charity must bring us profits! Vacations every week! Love thy neighbor only maybe! No hobo.

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