Are you broke like everyone else and in need of shelter? Would you want to live in some lady's house and sometimes do "telephone sex therapy" in exchange for free rent and maid service? Well then sexpert Susan Block (sorta maybe NSFW) has the job for you!

It's not clear what Chase Carey is thinking: The DirecTV CEO is poised to become vice chairman at Rupert Murdoch's smaller News Corp., where he has virtually no shot at the top job.

The Way We Live Now: Chewing the cud of resentment. The New York Times has assigned all of its reporters to ferret out and write up the most awkward and awful examples of opulence, as if they were news. Hey I wonder if Per Se's kitchen is nice, still?

It seems the CIA is looking for unemployed investment bankers and hedge fund managers to put their "intelligence" to work for the good of the nation and track down a few terrorists. Want more info? "Private interviews are set for June 22 at a secret Manhattan location. Don't call, the CIA says, just e-mail your information." The email address to submit your resume isn't listed in the Post article, unfortunately. Presumably you try applying using the CIA's online resume submission form. Although if you're going to be expected to nab a bunch of cunning members of Al Qaeda—and save us all from harm in the process—you should probably be able to dig up an email address, shouldn't you? [NYP]

The CIA is looking to hire a few good former hedge funders and investment bankers to put their "skills" to use on behalf of the USA. But could I-bankers really stand the rigors of the CIA lifestyle? Let's compare:

Nina Devlin was a partner with fancy financial PR firm Brunswick Group—which was great for her husband, who took information about the deals that Nina was working on and used it to help his friends make millions through illegal insider trading. Now Nina has a new job. With Edelman!

We'll give you one guess: Which is the heaviest-drinking class of "professionals" in England? If you said "the media," you are well acquainted with the media's habits! In fact, we hear that some media workers here are going into the booze business as a dependable second job:

Wall Street looks nothing like it did a year ago, of course, but here's a sign that things may be even more desperate than previously imagined: Some hedge funders are offering to work for free. Why would people accustomed to earning seven-figure annual incomes in the past stoop to this? For one thing, lying to your wife and telling her you have "meetings" to go to and then spending the afternoon playing online poker at a Starbucks in Midtown gets old after awhile. And working for free might just lead to a real job in the future. That's the thinking, at least:

In case driving a bus wasn't your thing and you're still looking for a job, please note that Ringling Bros. & Barnum and Bailey Circus is hiring. And you don't even need to wear makeup, put on a silly wig, or taunt tigers either. A job fair is scheduled for next week and the circus is looking to fill 200 ticketing, ushers and maintenance positions for its Coney Island summer run. Applications available for download! [CIDC]

Need a job, lovely lady? No, no, it's not prostitution, I swear. You just go out with a guy as his "wingwoman" and steer other girls towards him, and fend off other guys trying to horn in on his chicks. Not wanting to fuck him yourself should be easy!:

Mayor-for-life Mike "Bitches Ain't Shit" Bloomberg has all the money in the world, and he is going to spend it to beat his mayoral opponent, The Great Gazoo, a Martian Democrat only Bloomberg can see.

Looking for a job? Has anyone ever told you that you have muse-like qualities? Do you have a driver's license and 8-24 hours free each week? If so have we got the job for you!

The oldest newspaper in Arizona, the Tuscon Citizen, published their last issue yesterday, are going online, op-ed only. The Ann Arbor News publishes their last issue in July, going online, twice weekly.

Craiglist has kicked the prossies from its pages. So where's a working girl or man to go to hawk themselves off on the cheap? Oh, I have an idea: journalismjobs.com and the Hamptons.

Who in the world would bid $13,000 for the right to be an unpaid Huffington Post intern? This lady from Brazil, we think:

It's rare to hear about an industry that's hiring these days. But today is not one of these days: The MTA is currently hiring bus drivers. It seems the agency instituted a hiring freeze when it looked like the doomsday budget cuts would go into effect. They didn't, of course, which means the MTA is now looking to fill as many as 230 positions. If you worked at Lehman Brothers or Condé Nast until recently, it's unlikely that a bus driver gig is going to meet your salary expectations. (And judging by this and this, it can be a lot more dangerous, too.) But, hey, it's better than taking your chances with a sandwich board, no? [Urbanite]

Jobs! Everybody needs one to pay for booze and porcelain figurine collections and such, right? We can't all be Ben Silverman and douche our way to the top! So we've been keeping an eye out!

Would you like to pay $13,000 for the privilege of doing free work for a website for a couple months? Too bad, kid, because the next minimum bid on the HuffPo internship is $15,500.

Right-wing ideologues were apparently allowed inside CBS to help drive Dan Rather from his job. So maybe it's no surprise he helped the Daily Show mock Fox News conservatives tonight.

The Way We Live Now: In a horn of plenty. Jobs are easy. They're hiring everywhere! Did you know that? No? Well it's true, the numbers prove it! Get off your ass and work: