With so many unemployed people searching for jobs, you'd think that there would be some clever way of exploiting their desperation for financial gain, right? Actually, there are many ways, the Journal reports today. Seemingly legitimate job ads can lead to nothing more than a sales pitch for an expensive career service. Filling out a series of job applications forms on the internet might earn you an ad for an online university.

How bad is the recession? So bad that it's 'eroding' the 'foundation' of real estate in the Hamptons! No seriously, a billionaire's beach house is literally sliding into the ocean. And it gets worse!

Sure, Caitlin Kelly was desperate when the freelance writer took a shopgirl job 18 months ago. But you know? It beats the endless, stupid drama of the newsroom in many ways.

Just as we try shattering everyone's hopes about landing that editorial dream job, mythical Vogue editor Anna Wintour goes looking for some new assistants! This is the launching pad to success, right? Ha.

You were thinking there weren't any jobs left in media? Think again! Two of Anna Wintour's three assistants are reportedly heading out the door and Anna is looking for replacements. "Some experience in fashion or media is good." Indeed. [NYM]

Parade magazine may be "highly profitable," but it's apparently considered so downscale within Si Newhouse's magazine empire that merely being considered for a job there is a bad omen.

Michael Precker was a seasoned foreign correspondent and family man, "the last guy anyone would have expected to become the manager of a topless joint." The job just seemed more sane than journalism.

"Met: Are you hiring?????" That's the question a Bank of America worker pasted on his office window in a midtown-Manhattan skyscraper. The giant, troubled bank's building is next to MetLife, a more solvent insurance firm.

Dear seasoned, aggressive newspaper reporter: Time to let go of that precious "dream" and learn to see the virtue in, say, running a titty bar. The Wall Street Journal's underminers think so, anyway.

Barack Obama is in Elkhart, Indiana, one of those towns where there aren't any jobs left, to shame the Senate into passing his damn stimulus bill already.

Too bad you didn't go into politics. Working on Michael Bloomberg's reelection campaign may be the last cushy job in town. "Aides to Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg hopscotch around the world on two Falcon 900 private jets, where wine and sushi are served. They stay at the Four Seasons in London (about $400 a night), the Intercontinental in Paris ($320) and the King David in Jerusalem ($345). Room service? The mayor pays for it all. Even the laundry. And invitations to dinner parties at Mr. Bloomberg's Upper East Side town house rarely disappoint: Kofi Annan and Nora Ephron are regulars." [NYT]

Oh shucks, now there are layoffs at Bloomberg. Which brings the number of remaining media companies with good job security to, hmm, let me check here... none.

In case you were somehow under the impression that every last dispiriting ramification of the recession had been investigated, analyzed, and pontificated about already, Time would like to draw your attention to the ubiquitous but unsung phenomenon of post-layoff survivor's guilt. That's right, if you've clung on to your job, the fact that co-workers have lost theirs means that far from being relieved, you should be depressed: "[D]ealing with guilt that it wasn't you, anxiety that you might be next, exhaustion from the extra work you must take on and even envy of those who get to leave such a sullen environment—that's not much cause for celebration." Add this to the enhanced possibility of getting murdered at your desk and the likelihood that the office is ruining your health, and it's probably best to just give up and go and sell shell necklaces for pocket change on a distant island.

American companies spare no expense making their employees pay for the recession! Today's cuts: lunchtime, rubber bands, your, uh, job, and a full memo from Reed Business about everyone getting closer, and closer:

Were you looking for a job, maybe with President Obama? Hah, you just got identity thefted! USAJOBS, the government's online job database, has been hacked.

Your stupid corporate cost-cutting tips are pouring in, like the free water you used to enjoy at the office. Today's cuts: food, water, light, computers, trash cans, and everything at Harper's Bazaar. And dignity:

Have you been laid off recently? Are you so depressed about the state of the job market that you find yourself sleeping all day? Have we got a job for you! The New Museum says it's looking for women ages 18 to 40 to take sleeping pills and sleep on a bed in the middle of the museum from 12pm to 6pm daily as a part of a new exhibit by artist Chu Yun. Even better: The museum is paying $10 an hour for the gig, which is a lot more than you're getting for sleeping in your own bed. Insomniacs and people with a fear of exhibitionism need not apply! [New Yorkology]

Interview magazine parted ways with co-editorial director Fabien Baron just one year after re-hiring him. Baron, who helped relaunch Andy Warhol's title in 1990, may be launching his own publication.

Your stupid corporate cost-cutting stories (and photo, above) are getting worse better and better! Today's cuts: plants, scanners, entire offices, and all appreciation of employees, period:

The ongoing collapse of the American economy means middle-class college grads must behave like coddled aristocratic twits and secure internships through their parents' largesse.