Joe Jackson, horrible father and slightly-less-horrible manager to the Jackson 5, has been hospitalized in São Paolo, Brazil, after suffering a stroke, USA Today reports. He was in the country to celebrate his 87th birthday. Michael Jackson, the son whose talent and fortune sustain Joe’s continued existence as a shambling, womanizing wax figure, died in 2009 at age 50.

Blake and Ryan do nothing but stay home and walk their dogs. Kelly Rowland says Beyonce is having a girl. Jamie Lynn Spears makes her country singer-songwriter debut. And can you guess who Lindsay Lohan's Playboy pictorial is "inspired" by? Tuesday gossip wears a Slanket and eats soup.

Kanye West's Twitter apology shocks a nation on vacation. Chelsea Clinton: smooching. Sam and Ronnie: Also smooching. Justin Bieber: dancing with Will Smith's son. Sunday Gossip Round up is like a flower petal caught in a wild stallion's mane.

Praise be the gods of tabloid: Brad Pitt's chin scraggle of horror is gone. Lindsay Lohan's paid appearances are increasingly desperate. Joe Jackson blames his wife for Michael's death. Monday gossip starts the week with a clean slate.

Brad and Angelina enjoy a DGA date, and it didn't involve screaming. Julia Roberts' love advice. Diddy's default position. Tracy Morgan's awesome, wack Chinatown hijinks. Hipster Birdwomen, SJP, Diane Sawyer, and coconut shrimp. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup.

Today at Gawker.TV, we inspect Michael Bay's 360-degree "hero shot," the remaining members of The Jackson Five do reality TV, Million Dollar Listing finale, Gilly gets her own SNL Christmas special, and we take a look at the frequent-flyer obsessed.

• The feud between Al Roker and America's most despicable couple continues. After the Today show canceled an interview with Spencer and Heidi Pratt, Spencer took to Twitter to air his rage: "I thought you were out of town getting your stomache [sic] staped [sic] again... Do you always look like your [sic] about to die?" One thing that's clear here: Spencer should have paid more attention in English class. [Us]
• Brat Packer Anthony Michael Hall—who is about to kick off a guest stint on NBC's Community—has been ordered to stay away from his ex, Diana Falzone, a "relationship expert" who writes for the Huffington Post and hosts a show on Sirius. Falzone was granted a restraining order after Hall allegedly broke down her door last week and "bashed her head against a wall." [P6]
• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden secured a restraining order against two paparazzi who Richie says have been harassing her. Is it just us, or are restraining orders becoming all the rage? [TMZ]
• MTV has premiered Beyoncé's new video for "Video Phone" featuring a special guest appearance by Lady Gaga. In a surprising twist, it's Lady Gaga who looks fairly normal and Beyoncé who looks a little freaky. [MTV, NYP]

Michael Jackson's death continues to form effortless metaphors for his life. At his private family funeral the remaining Jacksons were charged $35,000 for 'burial garments', $21,455 for food and $3682 for a framed picture, among other ludicrous inflations.

And you think your parents are bad? This Is It comes out this weekend. To celebrate, Joe Jackson isn't remembering his son's life. He's telling Extra that Michael Jackson's worth more dead than he is alive.

Last night was the premiere of This Is It, and there were galas in 16 cities around the world. Most of them were huge, ornate affairs. Except in New York, where barely anyone noticed.

Lindsay Lohan's career brings out the worst in Jewish Mother impulses. Brad Pitt busts himself up on a motorcycle, LADIES. The Rock shows true colors: stone cold asshole. Sienna Miller, Roman Polanski, Morrissey, Musicals: presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

A&E purchased the reality show The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty which will feature appearances by the late Michael Jackson's three kids, Prince, Paris, and Blanket. Thankfully, at least one Jackson thinks this is a bad idea.

70 days after his death, Michael Jackson has finally been laid to rest. At once somber and extravagant, the event boasted sorrowful celebrities, a fleet of limousines, ushers dressed as cadets and even a conclusion of sorts.

Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow trash Katherine Heigl, Joe Jackson confirms Michael Jackson's Norwegian lovechild, Britney mocks K-Fed's weight gain, Robert Redford dislikes Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Simpson has an expensive new reality show and Sienna Miller needs love.

• The mother of Jude Law's baby has been revealed: She's some actress/model named Samantha Burke. [TMZ]
• Jon Gosselin is shopping around a new reality show since he has a couple hundred kids to support and could really use the cash. [P6]
• Joe Jackson is confirming that Michael had a "love child" who is now a Norwegian dancer named Omer Bhatti. Welcome to the family, young man. [NYDN]
• Kanye West is the "new King of Pop," he says: "First there was Elvis, then there was Michael. Now in the 21st century it's Kanye's time to rule." [NYDN]

Not even three weeks after his son's funeral, Joe Jackson is sullying our fair city with his partying ways. The Beyoncé concert and the Hard Rock Café are not safe. What institution with an accent in the title is next?

It's a big birthday for Jennifer Lopez. She's celebrating the big 4-0 today. Other people who will be blowing out candles this fine Friday: Broadway star Kristin Chenoweth is turning 41. Anna Paquin is 27. Director Doug Liman turns 44. Director Gus Van Sant is turning 57. Billionaire investor Nelson Peltz is 67. Artist Alex Katz is turning 82. Senator Claire McCaskill is 56. Governor Charlie Crist of Florida is 53. Barry Bonds turns 45. Retired basketball stars Rick Fox and Karl Malone are turning 40 and 46, respectively. Michael Richards of Seinfeld fame is turning 60. Actor Dan Hedaya is 69. And Wonder Woman—actress Lynda Carter—celebrates her 58th birthday today. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

Jon, Kate, and the Cabal of 8 hit the streets of New York and their crew's already beefing with people. Also, Robert Pattinson's a shitty tipper, 50 Cent's a shitty real estate buyer, Mischa Barton's sad and crazy. Happy Sunday!

• The New York Times Co. is selling its classical radio station WQXR to WNYC Radio and Univision as part of a "complex deal." One thing that isn't complex: The sale will pump a much-needed $45 million into the paper's coffers. [NYT]
• Is Rupert Murdoch planning to buy the Daily News from Mort Zuckerman? That's what some are suggesting, although Mort is denying it. [DailyFinance]
• McGraw-Hill shouldn't expect to make much from the sale of BusinessWeek. In fact, the company may be forced to give the magazine away. [FT]
• Neil Patrick Harris has signed on to host this year's Emmy Awards. [NYDN]
• Russell Brand will be the host of the MTV Video Music Awards. [Vulture]

Details for Michael Jackson's public memorial service on Tuesday are shaping up right now at a press conference. What's important: it's going to be broadcast live on TV and streamed, and tickets can be applied for online right now.