Now that Michael Phelps has finally won more gold medals than Geena Davis, we can get down to the real business at hand: the swimmer's showbiz future. Sure, there's bound to be an awkward SNL-hosting stint yet to come, but as the boys at THR note today, most Olympians have to reconcile themselves to appearing in Duracell commercials or baring their midriffs opposite the Village People. Thus, let's focus on more positive matters, like casting the Michael Phelps Movie of the Week:Sure, there are advocates for McSwimmin', but how about John Krasinski, who plenty of fans of The Office might like to see wearing a hydrodynamic speedo for two hours? However, if producers are willing to take a Todd Haynes-inspired flight of fancy, might we also recommend Will Smith? He's got the ears and the toned body, and we have no trouble imagining him as he mows down a fleet of zombie swimmers, accompanied by nothing but his trusty goldfish (and, of course, his loneliness).

We didn’t think it was possible, but the insanely dateable John Krasinski is not looking so hot these days. Due to an upcoming role in the Sam Mendes-directed Farlanders, John is sporting a nasty beard that resembles something one of the Geico cavemen would wear. And while we’d never judge an actor for tossing out their razors for months for the sake of their craft, this terrible beard inspired us to take a look back at the most cringeworthy facial hair in cinematic history. From one actor’s frizzy salt-and-pepper rat's nest to one mustache’s journey inside another man’s taint, our top five lie after the jump:

· Here's what we can tell you about NBC's Celebrity Circus, possibly the most significant televised amateur circus event in recent history: Joey Fatone will be ringmaster. Scheduled to appear: Christopher Knight, Rachel Hunter, Antonio Sabato Jr., Blu Cantrell, and Jason "Wee Man" Acuna, whom we'll assume will be fired at some point from the Lil' Caesar's Cannon of Doom™. [Variety]
· Fox is sitting atop the big studio heap entering into the summer box office season (OMG! It's almost the summer box office season! Who's excited?!), but Warner Bros., with its one-two-three punch of Speed Racer, Get Smart, and The Dark Knight should comfortably take the lead. (Especially when you look at Fox's roster: Eddie Murphy's Dave and The X-Files: I'm Trying As Hard As I Can To Buy This Alien Mumbo-Jumbo, Mulder.) [THR]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often—the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you catch John Krasinski cutting ahead of you in line at the airport.

Dave Eggers, the do-gooder author of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, had written a screenplay for the Kate Winslet-betrothed director Sam Mendes. "The untitled film...follows a couple, pregnant with their first child, as they travel America looking for the ideal place to settle down," says Entertainment Weekly. Will it be called "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genus? Probably not. Will it be a hit? Maybe. It's being produced by Big Beach films who made the funny-but-also-you'll-weep hit Little Miss Sunshine and distributed by Focus Films. Those things are good things. But! Not all bode wells for the film. Specifically, the cast.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time Maya Rudolph's yakking ruined an outdoor screening of her boyfriend's porn-industry masterpiece.

"John Krasinski doesn't need a woman who's well versed in the latest fashions. In fact, he says, a girl in a cardigan would do just fine. Asked by August's Glamour whether he'd be amenable to dating 'a normal girl' like Pam, his Office crush, Krasinski, 27, replies: "Yes, please! It's not about celebrity or not. It's all about, do you have that 'girl in a cardigan' in you. You gotta have that." Come on down to our offices, John. We're all wearing cardigans. Only cardigans.

Today we were going to ask you what direction to go in next as we discover Manhattan's most attractive, and therefore important, people. Shall we look for hotties among architects? Headwaiters? Graphic designers? On a particular block of 52nd street? Do let me know. But while looking for a photo to illustrate the post, we hit a snag. What image immediately communicates the concept "hottie?" Ding ding ding: The Office and bad Robin Williams movie star John Krasinski. Mmm. That's when I realized: John Krasinski is the only celebrity who, given the chance, I would really and truly want to do it with. Weird, right? Aren't we all supposed to have a list? And isn't the list supposed to include, like, Brad Pitt? Personally I wouldn't ride that taut-faced gayseemer after having adopted Angelina Jolie's pussy. And while there are other celebrities I find... compelling (Paul Rudd, and Irish hottie Aidan Gillen, and Dominic West from 'The Wire'), there's no one else I'd actually say yes to. He's my Claire Danes, if you will. Who's yours?

9 Reasons Why The Office's John Krasinski Would Choose to Star in a Robin Williams Movie [SuicideGirls.com]

Today's informed consumers of Hollywood product are so barraged with information meant to influence their ticket-buying decisions that they hardly have time to read entire reviews, much less reviews of films sure to disappoint. And so in the interest of assisting holiday weekend moviegoers wisely spend their entertainment dollars, we turn to CNN.com's always-efficient Story Highlights box, which with a mere three bullet points has tidily eliminated one unpromising option from the crowded multiplex marketplace. A quibble, however: Assigning blame to the film's four credited writers unfairly ignores the hard work of studio executives who contributed to the projects failure by giving thoughtful notes like, "Can Robin Williams be a little less priest-y? But not totally unpriesty. This is Meet the Priest, after all. Reverend! Meet the Reverend. We don't want the Catholics picketing."

· The Japanese are developing a way to make model train sets even less fun than they already are.
· John Krasinski as the new Fletch? As long as it's not Braff, sure, we're on board.
· George Clooney, cooperative citizen of the quiet Italian lakeside town his tourist-attracting presence is slowly destroying.
· Gay Bomb: The Porno Flick.
· Paris is out on Tuesday. Look busy.

Following today's much-anticipated Good Morning America appearance by Andrew "The Guy Who Decided It Was OK To Fly With a Drug-Resistant Strain of Tuberculosis" Speaker, the networks will undoubtedly be clamoring to adapt his story into the kind of ripped-from-the-headlines television product of which audiences are so fond, and so we are here, as we always are, to lend a hand in the casting process. Because we feel Speaker's tale has appeal as both the customary CBS MOW (Health Fugitives: A Love Story) and a more cutting-edge ABC sitcom (TB Guy) satirizing the way America unfairly stigmatizes the ill, we're providing choices for both comedy and drama: The Office's John Krasinski (hat tip to commenter heidiho) and crossover superstar Harry Connick, Jr, respectively. Let the frenzied phonecalls to their agents begin!