We're sorry, but it's coming. Rumor is that the shaggy Office star has the role of Captain America pretty much in the bag. It'd be "a multi-film deal," which means Jim Halpert is about to get big. This is bad.

Being handsome is not easy. You've constantly got people fawning over you, it's hard to find shirts that can properly contain your rippling muscles, and there's the constant threat of Matthew McConaughey usurping your authority.

Now that Sandra Bullock is riding high as a Serious Actress, how can she maintain that momentum? By doing theater, of course! And we know just what role she, and four other currently popular but gravitas-needing actors, should play.

John Krasinski and Emily Blunt hailing a cab around in Chelsea ... Cynthia Nixon running a few errands over the weekend ... Kate Hudson leaving her townhouse with her son Ryder and later walking with a cup of coffee in hand ... Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson leaving Bubby's on Hudson Street after brunch ... Chelsea Clinton leaving the Time Warner Center on Sunday afternoon ... Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell walking in Midtown ... Cate Blanchett hailing a cab with her two sons ... Ed Westwick shooting scenes for Gossip Girl on the Upper East Side and later going to lunch with Jessica Szohr ... Ben Roethlisberger getting into a car outside the Mandarin Oriental Hotel ... and John Mayer leaving dinner at Nobu.

Snoop Dogg turns 38 today. The Office's John Krasinski is turning 30. Tom Petty is 59. Danny Boyle, the man who directed Trainspotting, 28 Days Later, and Slumdog Millionaire, is turning 53. Keith Hernandez, the former first baseman for the New York Mets and now a baseball commentator, is turning 56. Actor Viggo Mortensen is 51. Conservative columnist Michelle Malkin is turning 39. Dannii Minogue, the Australian singer/actress who's better known as the younger sister of Kylie, turns 38. And psychologist and advice columnist Dr. Joyce Brothers is turning 82. And Hilda Solis, the United States Secretary of Labor, is 52.

The Office is one of those shows where you get jealous of the fun they seem to be having with each other on set, and tonight's cold open lip-dub was a perfect example.

The Office prettyboy John Krasinski was the first to get a movie based on a David Foster Wallace book off the ground, into production, and into release. The trailer's finally arrived. It did pretty well at Sundance. How's it look?

• DJ AM's overdose on Friday appears to have been accidental, according to law enforcement sources who spoke with TMZ. It seems the celeb DJ, who claimed he'd been sober for 11 years, only started using drugs again after he was prescribed anti-anxiety and pain meds following his plane crash last year. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Those rumors that Chelsea Clinton plans to marry boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky in Martha's Vineyard this summer are heating up again. A large tent and stage have been set up in the area, although no one's sure if it's for the Clinton wedding. [P6]
• Joan Rivers says Libyan leader Moammar Khadafy was thinking about renting her Fifth Avenue apartment for $200K a week, but recently changed his mind. The upshot? Rivers won't have to worry about the dictator "roasting cows in her living room." [P6]

Leading men are dead. Who are the symbols of movie male virility in 2009? Gentle, sensitive, geeky male outsiders with a love of Lou Reed and snug hoodies! It's time to sack up and throw away the sweater vest.

• Lindsay Lohan is certainly having a good week. Not only did she finally land another acting role—she'll be appearing in The Other Side, along with Woody Harrelson, and Giovanni Ribisi—but she may be getting her own clothing line at JCPenny, too. And the cops are getting closer to figuring out who broke into her house, too, which has got to be good news. [NYDN, People, NYP]
• These are tough times for Jennifer Aniston, clearly: Bette Midler is now providing her with dating advice and says Jen should sign up on JDate and find "a nice Jewish boy" with "a lot of money." [NYDN]
• Rihanna is "convinced" it was Chris Brown who leaked nude photos of her last week as payback for not attending his birthday party. [NYDN]
• Chelsea Clinton has a six-pack! [P6]

LA police, responding to an alarm at Lindsay Lohan's home, thought the house had been "ransacked," when in fact it was merely the dwelling of a slob. George Clooney parties like an fratty ibanker.

For most swag PR teams at Sundance, snagging John Krasinski for an interview or picture with their product would be a high-profile get. This is not the case for Timberland, however.

Six years ago, before John Krasinski was John Krasinski, his crazy dream of filming the story collection Brief Interviews With Hideous Men was little more than just that.

In the latest roundup of news from the frozen, overcaffeinated Park City frontier, Sony bets on black, Ashton Kutcher gets it on (and on) and Uma Thurman revolutionizes Sundance fitness.

Sundance affords as many opportunities for career setbacks in 10 days as it does for meteoric advancement — not even Robert De Niro or Dakota Fanning could get out of Park City alive.

John Krasinski is a true renaissance man: in addition to his work on The Office, he can count a Sundance directorial debut and a facility for Muppet arms to his credit. Still, one thing that may need a little more work is his incipient singing career, which he humbly debuted this past weekend in Los Angeles.

♦ Guy Ritchie and Madonna's marriage came to an official end in the High Court of London courtroom this morning. Neither "Ciccone ML" or "Ritchie GS" actually showed up in person for the proceedings, but Madonna had drinks with ex-husband Sean Penn on Wednesday night, possibly as part of an early celebration. [People, The Sun, P6]
♦ The longest pregnancy in history is finally over: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz welcomed a son named Bronx Mowgli Wentz into the world last night. Yes, that's Bronx Mowgli. [People]
♦ According to The Sun, Michael Jackson has converted to Islam and has changed his name to "Mikaeel." [The Sun]

This edition of Hollywood PrivacyWatch brings a very special Stallion sighting, an especially social Office star, a veritable galaxy of airport celebrity and other high-wattage fruits of your spying labors. Remember, each and every PrivacyWatch relies on your restless, roving eyes, so keep those tips coming with either "Sightings" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line. We appreciate all of your surveillance and couldn't contemplate leaving any of it behind. Among those observed in this installment: Owen Wilson, John Krasinski, Amy Adams, Ryan Phillippe, Neil Patrick Harris, Jared Leto, John Legend, Jonah Hill, Martin Landau, Chloe Sevigny, William Fichtner, Ron Livingston, Mekhi Phifer and more.SATURDAY, SEPT. 20 Went to see The Women (the play, not the movie) in a theater near downtown, when I saw MARTIN LANDAU (looking dapper for 77) talking with JACK STEHLIN from Weeds. I was going to list some Martin Landau credits but imdb has 155 of them and I didn't know what to pick. Loved him in Ed Wood, though. THURSDAY, SEPT. 25 Sept. 25 [At the] Aloud event at the LA Central Library, I spotted ERIC IDLE and a companion enjoying the battling accents of ARIANNA HUFFINGTON and BERNARD HENRI-LEVY. Looked like ALAIN GIRAUD may have been there as well, but I can't be sure. Idle and the Giraud lookalike repaired to Cafe Pinot for a post-talk meal, I expect to be joined by BHL and AH, since they were chatting on stage after the event. FRIDAY, SEPT. 26 It was a transatlantic Dundler-Mifflin meetup on Friday (9/26) at the Magic Castle as JOHN KRASINSKI was hanging with STEPHEN MERCHANT (from The Office UK and Extras). The former looked way hotter and less goofy in person and the latter is a good seven feet tall and was chatting up AIMEE MANN. I was dancing up a storm during the MSTRKRFT show at the Henry Fonda Theater when a guy walks right up and blocks my view. He turns around to face me and starts to mess around with his phone. I’m just about to call him out for being in my ‘personal space bubble’ (the dance floor was pretty empty by that time) when I realize that it’s JARED LETO! He looked a little rough: hair slicked back into a pony tail, scruffy facial hair, black army boots and red flannel shirt tight around his waste. '90s style flashback. I felt kind of sorry for him; Jared seemed a kind of bummed about not getting any celeb-like attention. SATURDAY, SEPT. 27 A day earlier on Sept. 27, we saw RON LIVINGSTON and MEKHI PHIFER at the Shane Mosley-Ricardo Mayorga fight in Carson. They weren't together, dammit; Ron had his usual stubble and a third-row seat, while Mekhi was up on the concourse chatting with former fringe NBA player CHRIS MILLS before the main event. SUNDAY, SEPT. 28 After watching my best friend perform an acoustic set at Level 5, someone commented "Hey, there's Jim from The Office." Sure enough, I turn around and there's JOHN KRASINSKI chatting it up with a very cute redhead and an equally cute blonde. OWEN WILSON at The Other Room during the Abbot Kinney Festival. Fairly inconspicuous. He sat and texted the whole time, probably an hour two. I never saw him look up once. My trashed friend asked him what was going on with all the texting. Owen didn't understand the question. I think he left before the guy was killed outside. I saw that happen, pretty messed up. Saw JONAH HILL at the Abbot Kinney Festival on Sunday the 28th. He was in the line for Sausage Masters but didn't seem to purchase anything. He must be on a diet as he's looking a little more svelte than usual. He was very sweet... Saw BRENDAN SEXTON III at Sabor y Cultura cafe in Hollywood today. It was kind of dorky/endearing, there was a group of middle-aged gamers there and he went right over and was totally into it. He was with a tiny blond who was then forced to observe the gaming as well. I don't think anyone else knew who he was, I was just really into Welcome to the Dollhouse back in the day... It feels like cheating to submit sightings from the A terminal at the Burbank airport, since celebs and plebes alike have to walk down that same narrow hall to exit the sad old barn, but what the hell. On Sunday night around 9 p.m., the following people walked by separately in a 4-minute span, presumably all coming off the late JetBlue flight from JFK: WILLIAM FICHTNER of Prison Break, wearing athletic-type clothes and walking so fast his hairline receded; NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, looking awesome in a black T-shirt and gaily chatting with some dude; CHLOE SEVIGNY, mousy-haired and depressingly dressed like a normal person; and finally AMY ADAMS, toting her own overstuffed Louis Vuitton bag and staring grimly ahead while marching with an entourage of at least two other chicks. No smile, no eye contact, still smoking hot. Just got off AA115 from LHR to JFK. JOHN LEGEND was traveling in first class. A wee bit shorter then I anticipated. Saw everyone’s favorite ex-lazy postman WAYNE KNIGHT at the Vendome Liquors in Toluca Lake on Sunday evening. Would have liked to say hi, but he was busy getting advice on red wine from one of the employees. Oh well. MONDAY, SEPT. 29 RYAN PHILLIPPE with BFF and business partner BRECKIN MEYER at Nate 'n Al's in BH on Saturday morning.

Our country is self-destructing before our very eyes. Banks are collapsing, wars are raging, politicians are canceling their appearances on Letterman, but at least we can still rely on true love. That’s right, on last night’s hour-long season premiere of The Office, we finally got the satisfaction of seeing ... um, well, something that can only be described as an epic spoiler. Fans of The Office who dutifully tuned into NBC last night, please follow along after the jump to continue the conversation. Those of you who DVR'd it, well, you might want to continue along to another post.Where were we? Ah yes, we finally got to see ... Jim pop the question to Pam! And don’t let the fact that it happened on a dingy highway rest stop in the middle of a rainstorm fool you, it was totes romantic. Not quite as romantic as that Tim and Dawn kiss from the original British Office Christmas Special, but still, pretty good. Get your Kleenex ready and check it out.

· Last night on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, John "Leatherheads" Krasinski broke out his heretofore unheralded ability to demonstrate his "Muppet arms." Which, naturally, reminded us of Eric Stoltz's legendary (at least to us) "Muppet walk" from Mr. Jealousy. Whose impression is better? We'll leave that for you to debate in the comments. [CBS, YouTube] · Don't hit the beach this weekend unless your will is up-to-date. Because, if you haven't already heard, sharks are developing legs. [BuzzFeed] · In order to help ensure the Academy Awards don't befall the same fate as the Emmys, burgeoning comedy writer Nikki Finke makes an uproarious recommendation for who should produce next year's Oscars: the Chinese government! With a few more zingers like that, she just might land herself an offer to join Bruce Vilanch's writing team. [DHD] · Aspiring reality show participants, pay heed: Slate has cobbled together nine ways in which you can ensure you're not the first contestant to get kicked off your show. [Slate] · Finally, we can think of no better way for you to end this evening than by spending the next 30 minutes watching Dave Eggers interview Chris Elliott. You are welcome. [Goldenfiddle]