Laura Ling and Euna Lee, freed from North Korea. David Rohde escaped from the Taliban. Kidnapping is a constant danger to journalists—and an awesome career opportunity! Here's how to take advantage of the scarynewsiest moment of your life.

In your motivational Tuesday media column: CNN sensibly bans Lou Dobbs types, Tina Brown spans the Atlantic, America's stupidest magazines flourish, and Times Square is getting .03% less irritating.

The New York Times ran a big story last weekend about Hank Paulson's contacts with Goldman Sachs, but they couldn't get a quote from Paulson because he was too busy writing his memoirs. Really? No, not really.

Jill Abramson is technically the managing editor of the New York Times for "news," but in response to this wild modern media age, she has been transferred to the "puppies are cute" beat, full time.

Daniel Radosh, the New Yorker contributor and blogger who exposed a cooked New York Times Magazine story and wrote a book about Christian pop culture, is jumping from real journalism to fake-journalism-that's-realer-than-real journalism by joining the Daily Show's writing staff.

How will the Huffington Post turn around its much-criticized health coverage? With a doctor who consults for the likes of McDonalds, PepsiCo and Mars Inc., the candy maker. Dr. Dean Ornish is already at work plugging his clients.

Hot-tempered, wild-eyed, self-pimp Vincent Gallo will have you know that he does not do cocaine.

Do you buy the cover story about the New York Times firing heroic famous person Ben Stein over a "conflict of interest?" You are so naive. This was a preemptive hit, to protect Barack Obama, our dictator.

Only some sort of sicko would see these NYT stories next to each other and go, "Uh, related?"

In your sweltering Monday media column: Don Imus may be back in the big(ish) time, one reporter gets arrested in pursuit of Deion Sanders, another reporter narrowly escapes beheading by the Taliban, and you kill photojournalism.

The migration of print and TV journalists to the Web has turned into a rush. Welcome, all of you, but we're starting to wonder: have you been paying any attention at all to internet publishing over the past 10 years?

The Air Force announced the creation of a new "consolidated" nuclear command today. Well actually, they briefed reporters on it Wednesday, but asked them to embargo it until today. Why? Because yesterday was the 64th anniversary of Hiroshima.

In your good old-fashioned Friday media column: A legal tiff over SEXTING (are your kids doing it?), the looming end of magazine subscription cards, Dana Milbank needs help, and thieving Oprah is sued, for $1 trillion. Yes.

We're getting tips that NBC Universal is laying off the creative services staffs—the people that make those awful "news at 11" promo spots—at all of its stations nationwide, and will start producing all promos out of New York.

Current TV journalist Laura Ling did actually momentarily, for a second, "very, very briefly" cross into North Korean territory before she was arrested there last March, her sister said. Kim Jong-Il was right! Let's go to the official record.

Ben Stein's TV ads for a scuzzy "free" credit product have finally caught up to him: The New York Times has fired Stein as a Sunday business columnist for violating ethics guidelines.

Oh shit. Dylan Ratigan aired an embarrassing clip of Jonathan Capehart scarfing a bagel. So this morning Capehart's mom called in and chewed Ratigan out for mocking her son. She is cool, but somehow we think this isn't making Jon look cooler. [Jon Capehart is actually cool!]

It's truly heartening to see Laura Ling and Euna Lee back safely on American soil. But the questions about the Current TV journalists will soon turn beyond the sentimental now that they're out of harm's way. What, exactly, happened?

In your leaky Wednesday media column: A DC editor accidentally forwards an email convo with a reporter about Blackwater, which we reproduce for you in full; layoffs come to Newhouse; the WSJ ends embargoes; and Jack Shafer abhors The Butt.