Yesterday on Way Too Early with Willie Geist, boldly wrong journopundit Mark Halperin phoned in an appearance from the lavatory of a Delta airplane.

In your vivacious Wednesday media column: important media person loves puppies, a publisher's going to jail, NBC News decides to stand for something, Bloomberg View's editor is out, an NYT writer goes to HuffPo, and how to be a dick.

In your torpid Tuesday media column: Bill O'Reilly has another idiot book coming out, MSNBC is doing poorly, Salon.com relaunches, James Murdoch's flack quits, and speculation on Time Inc's next CEO.

In your magical Monday media column: Andy Rooney lives, Patch is a hard gig, Menupages sells for millions, Julian Assange lives the country life, and David Gergen lives getting naked with George Clooney.

In your hot wet Friday media column: Keith Olbermann vs. the NYO, Instapaper vs. Business Insider, everyone in America hates the media, Pinch Sulzberger's birthday party, and Time International's new editor.

In your throwback Thursday media column: WaPo reporters now required to learn about the "internet," UK tabloid journalists are unpopular, Walter Cronkite's nepotistic legacy, The Onion is leaving NYC, and Scotland Yard is coming for your video footage.

In your woebegone Wednesday media column: network news is on the ups, The Source magazine remembered, Harper's Bazaar cuts back, the trickle away from The Daily continues, and ad revenue at the NYT is bad (again, still).

Untalented but successful writer Thomas Friedman has been doing a lot of thinking lately. "I like golf," he thinks to himself, while sitting in his palatial mansion. Then he realizes his next column is due in an hour. "Manservant!" he cries. "Bring me a metaphor! Any metaphor!"

In your provocative Tuesday media column: the NYT's new Big City columnist gives us hope, Ted Turner vs. Rupert Murdoch, Utah newspaper standards war, the internet won't be free forever, and Cenk Uygur to Current TV.

In your mordant Monday media column: News Corp pays up for Milly Dowler, Janet Robinson tweets in secret, Ted Koppel could head to NBC, Americans think Fox News is "the best," and a Senator's wife finally resigns from a newspaper.

DEADLY DRUG DEATH SHOCKER: As of 2009, more Americans die from prescription drugs than die in cars. Wow. So?

The Metropolitan Police knew for years that the Sun had hacked into teen British murder victim Milly Dowler's voicemail, but sat on the information because they were in cahoots with England's tabloids. It wasn't until the Guardian broke the Dowler story that the police finally investigated the hacking in earnest. Now the cops want to know who ratted them out.

Now that Wikileaks has been forced by circumstance to release the full, unredacted archive of its 250,000-plus classified diplomatic cables, we can see what the New York Times voluntarily redacted, at the request of the State Department, from the cables that it published. Among the things it hid: Muammar Qaddafi has a bisexual son, and a Reuters correspondent is a source for State Department intelligence.

In your grudging Friday media column: Jill Abramson is complacent, the WaPo and the Daily Mail bitch at one another, investigative reporters take a hit, job changes at Conde Nast, and Reuters is ambitious.

In your workmanlike Thursday media column: Megan McCarthy to the NYO, Ana Marie Cox and Nick Davies to The Guardian, a new EP at ABC News, Jon Meacham to Time, and ruthless morning news bookers.

In your even-keeled Wednesday media column: masthead changes at the NYT, women vs. men in journalism, the WSJ loves video, Shep Smith's pad is for sale, and News Corp paper analyzes James Murdoch's future.

In your departing Tuesday media column: Sam Sifton says goodbye to the NYT restaurant critic gig (with memo!), Nancy Franklin quits as NYer TV critic, more News Corp scandalism, and Mashable expands.

When you think "Things that I, as a taxpayer, want my tax money to pay for, in regards to my local water management district," you immediately think "propaganda masquerading as news." Because the important thing for a water district is good PR for the bureaucrats that run it. Water stuff? Later for that!

In your mute Monday media column: the internet is for porn, Brian Williams gets a new prime time show, Dr. Phil's exclusive is completely ethical, dead body dog collar weatherman resigns, and The Hairpin hires.

In your finally Friday media column: the internet hordes claim another victim, The National steals stories, a foolproof new plan for online media success, an unappealing headline, and CNET's editor heads to Yahoo.