Hey, wait a second: Why am I the only one working at SXSW? For everyone else in the Valley, the Austin conference is just a sanctioned spring break party. Clearly, I'm an idiot. I just spent three hours snapping photographs at SXSW's Bit 16 opening-night afterparty, without so much as a beer touching my hands. The Scoot Inn, a dingy dive bar east of downtown, hosted the event. I ran into Julia Allison first thing. I heard Kevin Rose was there, too, but I never spotted him. (Curious.) I chatted up Automattic's Matt Mullenweg, and Mashable's Pete Cashmore, as well as Glenda Bautista, Mullenweg's ballsy Bronx belle (pictured here with friends). It was a good time. But the ROI on SXSWi? Hard to spot, if you don't run an Austin bar, restaurant, or convention center.

Or will be soon. Her post ("I may have overreacted") is boring so here's a funnier fake version by the blog that's been analyzing every post of hers for the past few weeks.

Comments were great this week. People were very angry about some posts, very happy about others, and very funny about everything. Finding the best five is always a difficult task, but it was especially hard this week. So I enlisted the help of my fellow Gawker editors and reporters. I think we did well. Just remember that everyone's a winner. Except, um, those that aren't. So, after the jump find what we've cobbled together.

The good news: one of the most prolific of personal journals went off the air, yesterday. The bad news: so many people went to make sure the site was truly on hiatus; it drew record traffic. Says the author: "I should stop blogging more often!"

In other news, is former Gawker Joshua Stein assaulting Julia Allison's dog, Lily, in this photo? We can't tell! [Home of the Vain]

It's over. For now.

A tipster sends us this shot of Digg founder Kevin Rose clambering up a palm tree during the Future of Web Apps conference. You know, the one in Miami, where quasi-professional geek paramour Julia Allison drank his milkshake. Allison is beautiful, and if bright lights are your thing, plausibly charming. So why would Kevin flee? Maybe like Allison's last beau, he doesn't want to shell out for a MacBook Air, either. Leaked emails on that whole mess, below.

Mary Rambin is a fashion designer who is all about "liberating women" and who is the sister of actress and social hand grenade Leven Rambin, friend to sex columnist Julia Allison and recent recipient of a hilarious joke from her father in which a filthy starving homeless woman sets up a punchline about the importance of privileged wealth. Rambin illustrated the joke with the picture at left of the funny-looking brown woman. The joke is after the jump, along with a brief story about what Rambin said at this one party to this one girl who was all, "Bitch!"

["And another thing ..."]

Star talking something Julia Allison recently shared that it wasn't until she was 24 that she first enjoyed the pleasures of a vibrator &mdash "huge mistake, btw." The prompt for this admission: Julia Allison's recent speaking engagement at the NYU "Sextravaganza!" (There is no audience on Earth to whom she will not overshare.) A tipster writes in to say she repeatedly asked the presenter to whip her. After Julia's past brushes and bruises with Men's Health editor Dave Zinczenko, we predict she'll be showing her prized welts to any group of six or more by week's end. Full tip after the jump.

Julia Allison went to sunny South Florida for sunbathing and a geekfest this weekend and got, perhaps, more Gawker coverage than she bargained for. A bunch of people leered at her nipple, there was rampant speculation about her connection to Digg founder Kevin Rose, and after the whole thing was over Allison posted some angsty words on her Tumblr. Then, today, Allison entered into some impromptu unlicensed counseling with, we are reliably informed, Gawker blogger Nick Douglas, in a chat Allison posted to her blog. Douglas' advice? At the moment Time Out New York columnist and Star editor Allison's fame is at new heights, she should "step away from the camera" and "run everything by Rachel Sklar," the Huffington Post editor. Hmmm. Given Allison wrote she finds blogging "FUN!!!" even in the wake of having her chest ogled on the Web, why retreat now, when a big media gig, trophy husband or both could be right around the corner? Read Douglas' advice and post your own after the jump. Read at least the last couple of lines of the Allison chat, they are priceless:

Silicon Valley heiress Meghan Asha, the daughter of an original investor in Sun Microsystems, needs to stop fraternizing with the plebes, a longtime family friend warns. "Her choices in friendships, recent or otherwise, aren't serving her well," this friend writes, singling out ex-boyfriend Michael Arrington — "an unattractive offering" — and fellow geek addict Julia Allison:

Looks like Kevin Rose and Julia Allison had a nice time in Miami at the Future of Web Apps conference. The pair were photographed sharing an ice cream shake by Fusebox founder Bryan Thatcher — a photo that subsequently was hidden from public view by Thatcher, but not before we got ahold of it. Here's the full pic:

I can barely see the faintest outline, and if there is anything I think it has more to do with a powerful camera flash than voluntary exposure. But an email tipster swears Allison, the Star "editor" and Time Out New York dating columnist, is showing a little nipple in this photo in an attempt to take "the next step in attention whoring." Really? If anything, she's just staying competitive in a cutthroat celebrity market. A CSI-style closeup of this critical and very important development after the jump. You are welcome.

Time Out New York columnist Julia Allison's geeklust hardly began or ended with her romance to Vimeo founder and general crazy person Jakob Lodwick. Last year she and a friend flew out to Silicon Valley to find tech boyfriends, or at least a geek willing to tweak their websites, including by licking any security issues and biting the best new technologies. They also spent time with (shudder) TechCrunch editor Michael Arrington. The latest nerd on Allison's radar screen: Kevin Rose, founder of Digg.com and friend to hot female journalists everywhere. Rose asked Allison out on a date a few months ago, then he maybe set her up with an account on his Twitter clone Pownce. Now Allison is at the Future Of Web Apps conference in South Beach, and it's not all "blunk drogging" and wearing bikinis: she's also been working the geek crowd, in particular Rose, according to one source, who writes she's been seen "partying and all up on Kevin Rose." Valleywag is hearing the same thing, and even has a couple of innocuous cell phone shots, one of which follows after the jump, along with some scenes of how Allison prepares for the brave future of the Web (hint: it involves many short skirts and bathing suits):

Why is Digg founder Kevin Rose clambering around the inside of Miami's Carnival Centre, the site of the Future of Web Apps conference? Perhaps the conference is literally climb-the-walls boring. Or Rose is indulging a newfound enthusiasm for buildering, the indoor version of rock climbing. Or, most likely, he's trying to impress Julia Allison. Suggest your own caption in the comments; the winner of the contest has their suggestion turned into this post's new headline. (Photo by tantek)

"The moment that normal people have normally takes a couple of cocktails first, to have a Julia Allison moment that she has every day because they are so much fun." (Designer Mary Rambin's sister, actress Leven, stole the dating columnist's last boyfriend, and now dates another estranged friend, Beatrice barfighter Hud Morgan of Men's Vogue. But Mary remains on Team Julia. You've seen their awesome joint birthday party; now watch the bestest friends go crazy in Florida. This Julia Allison moment was brought to you by Pink vodka.

A tipster emails from the Future of Web Apps conference in Miami with a Julia Allison and Kevin Rose sighting. Guess that Pownce invite worked on Julia. The conference was described by one attendee as "basically a war between PHP and Ruby on Rails." Well, it seems like some are having a good time. Check out the tipster's email and full-size pics below, enhanced slightly for clarity.

The second animated installment of Jim Behrle's epic, award-winning Kreepie Kats Saga has arrived. Enjoy sticker-on-sticker love and a special birthday tribute to Kreepiest Kat of all, below.

If you weren't blonde enough to make it to Julia Allison's 27 and Still Single extravaganza last night, there was the free Apes & Androids show at Hiro Ballroom. There was no caffeine-infused vodka, alas, but for an hour the Hiro Ballroom was offering free warm beer. It was classy.