Chris Pratt has made the leap from everyone's favorite friendly, loyal, but not-so-bright human puppydog on Parks and Rec to a be-muscled Hollywood action hero in Guardians of the Galaxy and now Jurassic World. "But what if he hadn't?" asked no one, "What if Andy Dwyer had to save us from the killer mutant dinosaur?"

The 20-second Jurassic World teaser released last week was notable for its lack of the one thing everyone really wanted to see: Chris Pratt. We didn't get a glimpse of our Star-Lord and savior until the last of its 20 seconds.

Because you monsters continue to insist we need these bloated, thinly-plotted blockbusters based on previous blockbusters you liked two decades ago, the latest rumored plot details of the new Jurassic World are definitely not surprising, but absolutely sound dumb.