• Kanye West is astounded by the lack of sober judgement and integrity in the MTV Video Music Awards. He thinks they're fixed! The cable network is shocked he would question the ethics of the "MTV Academy." [Sun]

♦ Remember last month when Gwyneth Paltrow said she was trying to be supportive of her good friend Madonna during her divorce? It seems Madge was less than moved by the gesture and now she's warning Gwyneth to keep her mouth shut and "say nothing about me or my divorce." [National Enquirer]
♦ Meanwhile, Madonna has supposedly been telling a "close pal" that Alex Rodriguez sends her poetry and "has the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body." [P6]
♦ Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are supposedly planning to "officially get engaged" while they're in Paris this week. [The Sun]
♦ Now that she's back from London (where she reportedly brought 20 pieces of luggage on a three-day trip), Mariah Carey is supposedly organizing her holiday vacation to Aspen, where her plans include rolling around in the snow in a red bikini and decorating her bedroom to look like the North Pole. [MSNBC, The Sun, P6]

♦ Jennifer Aniston is finally speaking out about her breakup with Brad Pitt. In the December issue of Vogue, she says what Angelina Jolie did was "really uncool," and that she had no idea that Brad had cheated on her until she read about it afterwards. [MSNBC, NYP]
♦ The security guard who roughed-up Brad Pitt at the premiere of his own movie on Monday night says he was only trying to protect Brad by helping him get away from a pack of aggressive photographers. [ET, NYP]
♦ Madonna is supposedly considering a career as a movie director so she can "rival" her ex, Guy Ritchie, at least according to her nutty brother Christopher Ciccone. She should have more time to pursue a directing career if she chooses to: Officials in Malawi have said she can "forget" about adopting another baby as long as she plans to bring it into a "broken home." [The Sun, MSNBC]
♦ Billy Ray Cyrus says he is trying to get Malia and Sasha Obama to appear in an episode of Hannah Montana. [NYDN]

"Based on all this information and research, hopefully you can stretch the standards to allow 'Bitchassness' to be printed." [Daily Intel]

♦ Amy Poehler and husband Will Arnett became parents for the first time on Saturday when Amy gave birth to a son, Archie. [Us]
♦ Madonna is in "meltdown mode," and asked her assistant to gather all the items she received from Guy Ritchie so she can "bury them." Guy, meanwhile, has reportedly said the couple's marriage began to disintegrate when she started planning their sex life around her workout schedule. [MSNBC, Daily Mail]
♦ Jennifer Hudson is offering a $100,000 reward for the return of her nephew, who went missing on Friday when her mother and brother were fatally shot. [People, Access Hollywood]
♦ Lindsay Lohan doesn't want people thinking she's a lesbian just because she's dating a girl. [NYDN]

Well Kanye West, we've got to give it to you. In the past we've mocked you for your blog, your anti-hippie rants, your comical self-importance, and your muppet show. But that was before you filled a room with dozens of nude women as a backdrop for your record release party. Critics who enjoy nude women loved it! Here's how these creative, out-of-the-box tactics worked for Kanye and his media friends—Nakedness below:

♦ Anna Wintour attended the presidential debate last night at Hofstra. In Hempstead. On Long Island. Also: Is it just us, or is her hair getting lighter and lighter? [The Cut]
♦ Next week, five hundred lucky students will attend Teen Vogue's Fashion University, where for three days they'll access the wisdom of Tory Burch, Phillip Lim, Peter Som, Nanette Lepore, Monica Botkier and Cynthia Rowley. [NYDN]
♦ No, the day could not pass without Marc Jacobs being in the news for some reason: He's inked a licensing deal for swimwear, which will launch in spring '09. [WWD]

♦ Now that Madonna and Guy Ritchie have officially split, the focus is now on her relationship with Alex Rodriguez: Some say he knew that the separation announcement was coming, which is why he's been "lying low" in a five-star Beverly Hills hotel for the past few days. [Us, NYP, E!]
♦ How's Guy doing? Don't worry about him: He could walk away with as much as $250 mil. in a settlement since he and Madonna never had a prenup. [NYP]
♦ A sex tape starring Peter Cook and Diana Bianchi may be out there, although Cook's lawyers are still saying he has "no knowledge" it exists. [P6]
♦ David Duchovny and Tea Leoni have officially split up. We're as shocked as you are [E!]
♦ Raffaello Follieri didn't just swindle adults. He also tricked a 15-year-old girl by promising to get her Anne Hathaway's autograph and then never coming though. Now she's suing him. [NYDN]

Kanye West is teaming up with Comedy Central for a new show "described as hip hop meets the muppets." It was only a matter of time. [THR]

♦ Not only is Rachel Maddow more popular than Keith Olbermann, she's now ahead of CNN's Larry King, too. [HuffPo]
♦ Sunday night's Emmy Awards generated the lowest ratings in history. [THR]
♦ MTV missed out on its chance to buy MySpace, but they have no plans to give up on their sixth-tier social network, Flux. [AdAge]
♦ Life magazine is back. For the third time. Time Inc. and Getty Images will use life.com to offer up "free, downloadable photos from world-renowned photographers." [NYP]
♦ Jeffrey Toobin, who says he "owes his TV career to [O.J.] Simpson," has no interest in covering him again, thank you very much. [TV Newser]
♦ Starbucks and ad agency Wieden & Kennedy are parting ways. [AdAge]
♦ Kanye West is teaming up with Comedy Central on a new series described as "hip-hop meets the Muppets." [THR]
♦ The Times recaps the service held on Monday night in memory of Clay Felker, the founding editor of New York magazine who died on July 1. [NYT]

• Jennifer Lopez competed in a triathalon in Malibu, then flew to New York to throw Marc Anthony a birthday party at the Bowery Hotel. It's unclear, though, if she ever had an injured foot, which was the reason she gave for pulling out of the Project Runway finale last week and now some are wondering if a fight with Harvey Weinstein over a movie role was the real reason she cancelled. [People, NYDN, MSNBC]

Once upon a time a guy said he was a ghostwriter for Kanye West's blog, which Kanye denied as outrageous. Yesterday Kanye West was arrested in LA. His blog: updated normally all day. Hm. [Animal]

Having been struck by how much Kanye West looked like a fearsome Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle battling villainous paparazzi ninjutsus in his LAX arrest video—and then transported by a commenter via YouTube time machine back to our honey-sunlit childhoods, when Vanilla Ice dared to ask of the Caucasian hip-hop community, "Have you ever seen a turtle get dowwnnn?"—we were struck by inspiration. Moments later, Defamer video mixographer (with a minor in scratchology) Molly McAleer had composed a mixed-media masterwork, fusing the best of all pizza-loving, nunchuk-swirling worlds. Cowabunga, dudes!

As fearsome and adorable as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (his Gucci knapsack is his shell!), Kanye West showed little mercy today as he and a fellow attack-tortoise went about the business of destroying a variety of photographic equipment at the American Airlines check-in line at LAX. His reptilian vigilantism would ultimately get him arrested, but to us, he's just a hero on the half shell! PIZZZZZZZZA!!! [TMZ]

TMZ is reporting that Most Awesomest Presence in the Universe Kanye West—who just wanted to board his flight (wait, he doesn't have his own jet?) and relax with some electronic Connect Four and freshly baked First Class chocolate chip cookies without being hounded by the vulturous media—has been arrested for felony vandalism at LAX following a dust-up with paparazzi:

Crazy old Kanye West, the retiringly modest Best Rapper In the World Ever, has been arrested at LAX. It seems the college dropout said hoof! to some paparazzo's camera, smashing it to the floor like so many California dreams. Other than this being a curious example of an attention hog dissing attention, this isn't exactly shocking, given West's history of getting mad at people. Well, at least he didn't break a damn MacBook Air over some damn hippie's head.

Kanye West was arrested this morning at the American Airlines terminal at LAX for felony vandalism after he smashed a photographer's camera and got into a scuffle with the paparazzi, including a videographer from TMZ, naturally. Maybe he should have borrowed Diddy's private jet instead? [NYDN, TMZ]

Naomi Watts doing some pre-baby shopping with a friend in Union Square ... Sarah Jessica Parker taking a walk downtown ... Petra Nemcova walking into the Diesel show ... Rosario Dawson crossing the street outside Balthazar ... Julia Stiles shopping in the West Village ... Bette Midler hugging her daughter outside the Bryant Park tents ... Betsey Johnson walking through the rain in Midtown ... Jessica Alba carrying her baby ... Mary-Kate Olsen sitting front row at the Proenza Schouler show ... Adrian Grenier having lunch outside with friends ... Jessica Simpson getting out of a taxi with pal Ken Paves ... Kanye West and Jay-Z making their way into the Marc Jacobs show ... Natalie Portman showing up to the front row at the Derek Lam show ... Martha Stewart leaving Bryant Park after attending Marc Jacobs' show ... and Marc Jacobs and Victoria Beckham leaving the Waverly Inn.

♦ At Marc Jacobs, there were lots of celebs like Helena Christensen, Elijah Wood, Nicole Richie, Stephanie Seymour, Kelly Osbourne, Sofia Coppola, Winona Ryder, and Jennifer Lopez, and the elaborate, adventurous, world travel-inspired clothes got high marks—but all of the above was entirely eclipsed by the presence of Posh Spice's new gamine haircut. [WWD, Telegraph, Hello]

VMA FYI: In news that will surely please his favorite white girl Scarlett Johansson, Kanye West has been picked to close out this year's VMAs (which will be opened — in some fashion — by Britney Spears). Since it's the ceremony's 25th anniversary, the network says we can expect winks to MTV's past including Christina Aguilera returning to reprise "Genie in a Bottle," and Katy Perry essaying Madonna's "Like a Virgin." And just like at this year's MTV Movie Awards, we'll be live on the red carpet Sunday evening causing havoc and liveblogging our hearts out. But unlike the '07 VMAs, this year's event looks like it might actually be able to hold our interest, thanks to the addition of the unpredictable Russell Brand as host. Let's just hope they don't let Eva Longoria Parker near him — MTV couldn't afford the FCC fine if those two got into water sports again. [MTV]