A human who has been molded into a tool used to distract the working class from its state of economic penury yesterday publicly flaunted a tangible symbol of grotesque inequality in a manner that demonstrated a complete lack of fear of looming class war.
Madonna takes a passive-aggressive swipe at Lady Gaga. Ryan Gosling makes out with Eva Mendes. Jake Gyllenhaal snuggles a Twilight star. A wild man breaks into Celine Dion's home and pillages for pastries. Wednesday gossip is mad for madeleines, moonstruck for doughnuts, cuckoo for choux.
Kate Hudson and half-porcupine baby daddy Matt Bellamy (How did they make the baby? Carefully!) named their child "Bingham 'Bing' Hawn Bellamy." Best Microsoft product placement ever? "For those wondering, Bingham is my mum's maiden name and Bing Russell was Kurt's dad. Family connections all around," Matt explained. [@MattBellamy, ABCNews, image via Getty]
Congratulations are in order! Victoria Beckham, former Spice Girl and clothing person, gave birth to a baby girl on Sunday, just a day after actress Kate Hudson gave birth to a baby boy. (The fathers are soccer star David Beckham and Muse frontman Matthew Bellamy, respectively.) Both mothers gave birth in Los Angeles, so maybe, just maybe, there was some kind of mix-up and the Hudson kid will turn out to be a fantastic soccer player and the Beckham kid will look exactly like Goldie Hawn and they'll meet in their 20s and fall in love after a series of mishaps? (Neither kid has been given its obligatory weird celebrity name yet, by the way! The Beckhams are world-champion weird kid-namers, but Hudson's other son is called "Ryder" so she could be a dark horse here.) [AP, People]
Celebrated Matthew McConaughey costar Kate Hudson is with child and thus needs to get a new house to accommodate her growing brood. She's been on the real estate hunt for some time now it seems, looking all over Los Angeles, not realizing that the perfect house was right under her nose the whole time.
First the cowboys, and now the dinosaurs. Well, actually the dinosaurs probably came first, timeline was. But whatever. The aliens are coming for 'em, and a big movie is in the works! Also today: Alec Baldwin does something smart, Al Pacino does something dumb, and, of course, Hunger Games.
If you criticize Vanessa Hudgens' weight, she will pop a cap in your ass. Kate Hudson is engaged. Beyonce gets sued for ruining Christmas. Will.i.Am cleans his butt with baby wipes. Wednesday gossip takes it to the streets.
Evan Rachel Wood wants you to know that she sometimes dates women. Lindsay Lohan uses Good Friday to get out of court. Lea Michele pulls a bitch move at Coachella. Nic Cage goes back to work. Tuesday gossip is single and ready to mingle.
Joe Jonas' relationship is a charade. Suri Cruise plays with penis candies. Jodie Foster is desperately in love with Mel Gibson. Thursday gossip is living a lie.
Kim tithes to a church her mother founded with a wayward Rick Warren disciple. Countess LuAnn gets a job. Jennifer Aniston isn't adopting a baby. Jenna Jameson calls Chelsea Handler a "whore." Thursday gossip sends mixed messages.
Russell Brand is in trouble! Marc Anthony is in debt! Brad Pitt is in the hospital! (Not for anything serious... unless you consider charity serious, which I do.) Friday's gossip is ringing in the new year!
Aguilera was a sexy cop for Halloween. Paris Hilton and Rachel Zoe were sexy Native Americans. Fearing his client's impending death, Charlie Sheen's manager makes a home visit. Portia de Rossi once weighed 82 lbs. Monday's gossip roundup needs candy.
Goldie Hawn tells an awkward story about her daughter's birth. Beyonce might be pregnant. Jean-Claude Van Damme has a heart attack. J.Lo's babies are Gucci models. Wednesday gossip is a photo album of embarrassing baby pictures.
Jessica Simpson has a new boyfriend. Geri Haliwell has a bad boyfriend. Christiano Ronaldo has a mysterious baby-mama. Kate Hudson's boyfriend has a date with Goldie Hawn. George Clooney has a court date. Tuesday's gossip is all about meeting people.
Praise be the gods of tabloid: Brad Pitt's chin scraggle of horror is gone. Lindsay Lohan's paid appearances are increasingly desperate. Joe Jackson blames his wife for Michael's death. Monday gossip starts the week with a clean slate.
