"In my secret dreams of FSU, of what FSU would mean for me, it was of course I who slept with, or almost-slept with—that would have been fine!—the Veep's handsome daughter." Bidding for the one-of-a-kind Keith Gessen middlebrow remix book stands at $660. Let's break four figures, for the downtrodden. [Previously]
Once in a rare while, an item comes along that embodies the entire cultural zeitgeist of a particular time and place. Ladies and gentlemen of the creative underclass, we have just such an item in our hands today. And it's up for sale to YOU, the public! The players in this strange saga: Harvard-educated literary it-boy and haughty heartbreaker Keith Gessen; Gawker, sworn enemy of literary culture and pimp of kittens; and a copy of Gessen's poorly reviewed but terribly important book, All The Sad Young Literary Men, with a very special twist. Here's the entire story of how this item came to be, and how you can-and must-buy it, in order to win the culture war and house the homeless:
Yesterday, a grown man threw a tantrum and stormed off the internet. Because we bullied him. It wasn't pretty. Are we proud? Well, it's a living. We spent today mulling over some wise advice we received. And, of course, it's true. We should be constructive! In the spirit of friendship, we'll explain how to survive the Internet without letting the bastards get you down. Heed our words, and you'll never have to shut down another blog. Or quit a message board, or ban yourself from a comments section. Never again will you hear the sirens of the waaaahmbulance.
Sloane Crosley, author, popular publicist, self-effacing autobiographer, HBO series subject, gossip monster assembler, big ass chronicler, partygoer, and etiquette specialist has a new video interview out, and damned if she's not commenting on us and the rest of the "snarky urban jungle." Whoa, you write about somebody 27 times and all of a sudden it's like they can't stop talking about you. It's okay though—she thinks all this vicious online gossip is a net positive(!), a view that I tried to get across to Keith Gessen at his party, without success. Perhaps he will be persuaded by listening to his pal Sloane! Watch Crosley explain why she tolerates Gawker and its commenters, but Village Voice readers made her cry, below:
Literary savior Keith Gessen responds to The Youngs: "And here, let me be a little less charming for a second [a second! –ed]: If you-all of you-get out of your 20s having done half of what we've done at one half the level of quality, I'll buy you a beer." Then he quotes Lodwick. [The Most Important Tumblr of Our Time]
The internet is full of scorn and advice for The Youngs, today. Everyone is so concerned! It's sweet. As we mentioned, Doree explores the topic of foolish Ivy League entitlement at some length in The Observer. Young-on-young violence! Meanwhile some of us are forced into oppressive internshps. An angry old man says quit bitching, basically. A sad young literary old man has advice (?) about how we Youngs are full of GUFF. Guff toward him! Of all people! This rubs some youngs the wrong way. But there is a solution! To everyone's problem! Everyone needs to drop out of school, as soon as possible. The best of the best have done it and lived to tell the tale. Including that angry old guy from before, who was, once again, ahead of the curve. He has moved on to unemployment, which is, we hear, similarly freeing. Who else is in? Update: Ha ha ha. Maybe we should all learn trades?
An epic battle for control of the Internet was waged Friday night under the shadow of the Manhattan Bridge. n+1 editor and novelist Keith Gessen threw a party to "Take Back the Internet." He basically invited everyone who has ever been mean to him online, as well as readers of his Tumblr, which is mostly aimed at hostile blog commenters. And so Hamilton, Pareene, and I had no choice but to head over to DUMBO and fight for the Internet.
As we told you Monday, one sad editrix of celebrity gossip sheet thinks her profession is living on borrowed time. It's one big void out there, the canvas is blank, there is no news. And it's not just low culture. The zeitgeist at large seems to be suffering from tired blood (maybe too much vital energy spent looking at mobile porn?). Nicholson Baker's Human Smoke was the most noteworthy book to be published so far this year, and it argued that World War II wasn't worth fighting. World War II. That's not even counterintuitive in a fun Slate-y kind of way. As for the election, we're in a massive lull until at least Labor Day, barring Israel's surgical strike on Natanz, which happened yesterday while you were updating your Tumblr page. The arts? The worst film of the year, M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening, is (tellingly) about about an epidemic that causes inanition followed by suicide. The Jewish Museum's exhibiting action painting at a time of supreme lassitude. Elsewhere the herd of independent minds has taken a collective nap: the red siren that blares in Matt Drudge's head has been as silent as the one in James Wolcott's. So what's going on?
Novelist Keith Gessen, having been ridiculed here and elsewhere on the Web over the past week, is still trying to take back the internet from mean people. But he just had a sudden, happy epiphany, in which he realized that these vicious critics are not really being mean to him but toward their own caricature of him. They're just "bored at work" and are trying to have fun, so they imagine Gessen to be the juicy target they crave and lash out. "So, it's cool," the very important intellectual wrote. (He later rephrased this as, "You know, whatever.") Gessen is so relieved that the internet meanies don't hate him (just the distant, imagined "him") that he's invited us all to his place, or at least his workplace, for a big Friday night bash! Our nice, in-person selves will "take back the internet" from our anonymous-behind-a-keyboard selves! Bring your kittens and so forth!! Time/place, along with a longer explanation of why Gessen is so totally over you, after the jump.
Beloved brilliant genius intellectual novelist Keith Gessen seems a little stressed out! He freely admits that he's losing, or has lost, his mind. (Just when the world needs it most!) He wants desperately to take back the internet, from the geighs, and he speaks for the elite trees. But he promised, last night, to do some things that will help. He will live an admirable life, and he will "adopt the kittens and date everyone." Ok, Keith! Here is your kitten. She is a stray from beautiful Ocean Hill, Brooklyn, right off the J. She lives on your Day Editor's stoop and loves people. Right now her name is "Sammy Davis Mewnior" but you could name her "George Meorwell" or "Mrs. Keith Gessen" or whatever if you wanted to. More adorable photos after the jump!
We don't know Keith Gessen and haven't read his book (and never will!), and obviously we're biased because Gawker turned us evil and we like Choire (and Emily!) but he has a very important essay (THE MOST IMPORTANT TUMBLR RANT OF OUR TIME) that he tumble logged about how people need to stop being mean to him because THEY ARE WHORES INFECTED BY THE STAIN OF WRITING GOSSIP and HE WRITES ABOUT CANCER, CANCER GODDAMMIT. Also stop calling him a blinkered, privileged asshole because that is EXACTLY WHAT REPUBLICANS DO and also, and we quote: "Everyone went to the same six schools. Everyone has dated everyone." It's funny because it is insanely incorrect! Oh my god we haven't even gotten to the worst part.
And how many more lives will it ruin before it's finally shut off? n+1, the most important literary magazine of our time, came to the sad conclusion that the internet will never "blow over," in the words of one panelist, n+1's Mark Greif. And so they organized a forum called "The Internet: We All Live There Now." I swallowed a Xanax, along with my pride, and checked it out.
The gossip has been coursing into our emails in various forms and tones for several weeks now: former Gawker editor (and newly minted NYT Mag essaysist) Emily Gould and n+1 editor and newly minted novelist Keith Gessen are no longer boyfriend-girlfriend. OK? We'll spare you the overlong analysis of possible root causes. So all you ladies who have been whispering about Keith's hotness from the back of his readings (I was there, I heard you!) can now say it to his face. Gessen's take on the situation? It was casually buried in his article in The Stranger last week:
Taco Bell's Value Menu slogan is "Why Pay More?" But if a rapper were to say it, they would say, "Why Pay Mo'?" Because black people can't talk right, ha! Cannily tapping into urban culture, the fast food chain is running a "Why Pay Mo'?"online promotion, complete with a Rap Name Generator (mine is Super Fly H. Nach!). Taco Bell's beef tastes like dog food, and their ad agency is making them look like a bunch of tone-deaf racists. But I can almost forgive them for all that, because their site's "Why Pay Mo' Rhyme Generator" allowed me to create a hip hop supergroup featuring evil columnist Andrea Peyser, Spitzer hooker Ashley Alexandra Dupre, drunk Post editor Col Allan, and author of the year Keith Gessen, all kicking rhymes about the fat value menu. Action photos below!:
N+1 founder and sad young literary man Keith Gessen sat down for a Big Think interview last week. He touched on everything from "Dating as a Historical Phenomenon" to "Is political writing political activism?" But the only bit I was curious enough to watch was his response to the question, "Why does Gawker hate you?" According to Gessen, it's because Gawker types once read a lot of books, then we gave up on the value system of books, but we're wrong and we will lose! I don't know, man; I just think it's annoying how much you talk about Harvard. The full clip of this latest volley in New York's most frivolous cultural clash, below:
