America's number one shirtless comedian is headed to the small screen. Also today: Good news for a Lost actress, good news for a lost actor, bad news for CAA, and challenging news for Mel Gibson.

Budding starlet Blake Lively splits up with boyfriend and Gossip Girl costar Penn Badgley. Charlie Sheen blames his naked hotel rampage on an "allergic reaction." Boy George throws a drink at a fan. Wednesday's gossip is happy it's over.

We were too busy getting over this weekend's sunburn to watch The City last night. Good thing fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there for the season finale. The fate of Whitney and Olivia's souls hang in the balance.

Last night's season finale of The City faced the unenviable task of following The Hills. Solution? Just make everyone as unhappy as possible and let the dramatic "cliffhanger" carry over to the next season.

We were too busy haranguing Real Housewives at a Barnes & Noble on the Upper East Side to watch The City last night. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there to watch all the roommate breakup action.

We were too busy breathing in the fresh scent of post-rainstorm New York to watch The City last night. Luckily, fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there to clue us in on all the trashy cat fights.

Fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern called this morning and said she couldn't write about The City. Something to do with prostitution charges and Tom Arnold. Anyway, you're stuck with me, and I actually had to watch the show.

Roxy Olin was put in her place by Kelly Cutrone on The City after her incident at Glamour magazine in which she described an outfit as "Ballerina, gone punk rock, gone a little hooker, but in a good way."

We were so busy trying to promote our birthday party that we didn't have time to watch The City last night. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there for all the bitch-on-bitch fighting action.

[Whitney Port dining al fresco with Kelly Cutrone in Soho; image via Splash]

We were too busy crying while watching Lost last night to even bother with The City. It's a good thing fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there to fill us in on all the details.

Kelly Cutrone, the uber-boss/mentor/reality show star (The Hills, The City, and Kell on Earth) can now add "author" to her bio. Her new book, If You Have to Cry, Go Outside, offers no-bullshit advice on how to live your very own glam life.

We were too busy paying good money to see Courtney Love sleepwalk through a 45-minute set at Terminal 5 last night to watch the season premiere of The City. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was on the job.

Whitney Port hired a publicist, and it is not Kelly Cutrone.

On the season finale of Kell on Earth, Kelly Cutrone's assistants bent over backwards to shock her with a surprise party. The most shocking part of it, however, is undoubtedly these beastly shoes.

We were too busy eating a whole bag of Robin Eggs last night to bother watching the finale of Kell on Earth. Luckily our fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there for all the action, and lived to tell the tale.

We were too busy last night watching Nurse Jackie make bad decisions to bother with Kell on Earth. Luckily our very own fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was making some bad decisions of her own and has the scoop.

We were too busy winning a strawberry-shaped welcome mat at drag queen bingo last night to watch Kell on Earth. Thankfully fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was up to some shenanigans of her own.

We were too busy attending a screening of Hot Tub Time Machine so we missed the latest episode of Kell on Earth. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there with her flux capacitor to capture the action.

Sharon fantasizes about a capitalist end for her "waterbed" chest. Lil' Wayne is finally at Rikers, and now we know his real height. Kelly Cutrone saves the world with her vibrator. Tuesday gossip is climactic.