kids-these-days
Rich Girl Not Going to Pretend She's Not Rich Just to Make Poors Happy
Hamilton Nolan · 10/17/13 02:16PM
Today, a rich girl college student takes to the internet to voice her displeasure that "bitter and unhappy" poors are looking at her sideways just because she is, to reiterate, a rich girl. Thought Catalog? Thought Catalog.
Mother Assaults Teen Over Too Much Rap Music at School Dance
Neetzan Zimmerman · 10/16/13 11:54AMScience Proves That Teenagers Don't Give a Damn About Anyone
Hamilton Nolan · 10/16/13 08:42AM
There is not one demographic group, including current prison inmates, more sociopathic than teenagers. The average 15 year-old private school student is more naturally inclined to antisocial acts than the average member of the Shabaab. Don't take my word for it—let a scientist tell you.
Japanese Kindergartners Sing the Dayman Song from It's Always Sunny
Neetzan Zimmerman · 10/14/13 06:12PMWhy is a chorus of Japanese kindergartners singing the Dayman song from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? A better question would be, "why aren't all choruses of kindergartners everywhere singing the Dayman song from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia?"
Fifth Grader Convicted In Murder Plot of Fellow Classmate
Max Rivlin-Nadler · 10/12/13 02:42PM
A fifth grade boy in Washington state was found guilty on Friday of conspiracy to kill one of his classmates, following a trial the presiding judge declared as “the most serious of my career."
Gabrielle Bluestone · 10/12/13 11:49AM
At least one of the nine teenagers missing from a troubled youth camp in New Mexico has returned safely home to his parents, the AP reports. Authorities are investigating claims that staff members of the unlicensed program beat and shackled teenagers for minor rule violations.
Never Before Seen Super-Potent Meth Found in Texas Middle School
Neetzan Zimmerman · 10/11/13 03:19PMMIT Frat's Beer-Pong Table Is the Nerd-Broiest Thing in Nerd Broville
Camille Dodero · 10/11/13 03:10PMNerd Broville, a mesh-shorted seaside town with Call of Duty casinos and a high-speed party monorail, has a new Mayor. His name is Christian Reed, he's a member of MIT's Phi Beta Epsilon fraternity, and he has solved a problem that's plagued nerd bros for eons: the sticky balls (heh) and constant spillage (heh heh) that come along with those long, arduous nights of Olympic beer-pong feats.
Students Suspended for Posting Photo of Principal 'Choking' Classmate
Neetzan Zimmerman · 10/11/13 09:55AM
Ten students were suspended from Pittsburg High School in California this week after posting a photo to Facebook and Instagram that appeared to show their principal, Todd Whitmire, putting a classmate in a chokehold.
This Toddler's Birthday Message for Her Mommy Is a Gift of Pure Joy
Neetzan Zimmerman · 10/10/13 09:40AMWith his wife's birthday coming up in a hurry, Dan Konkel had to come up with something special, and fast.
Little Boy Provides Adorable Potty Commentary After Eating Way Too Much
Neetzan Zimmerman · 10/10/13 08:37AMWe've all been there: You've had way too much apple. And poutine. And cheesestring. And pickle chips. And peanut butter and raisins. Ugh. And chocolate thingies. And more chocolate thingis. And gummies.
America Is Below Average, But Not the Dumbest Country!
Hamilton Nolan · 10/08/13 12:06PMTeachers Ban Students from Quoting Geico Hump Day Commercial
Neetzan Zimmerman · 10/04/13 01:52PMKids today with their flesh-eating drugs and their butt-chugging wine and their...incessant quoting of a Geico commercial featuring a talking camel who loves Wednesdays?
Kids Who Start Dating Young Are Trouble, Just Like Grandma Said
Hamilton Nolan · 10/01/13 10:46AMJustin Bieber Orders Bodyguards to Carry Him Up China's Great Wall
Neetzan Zimmerman · 10/01/13 08:09AM
It seems Justin Bieber needs another whipping courtesy of Zach Galifianakis because it seems like that little punk hasn't learned anything. Anything.
What "Sellouts" Were
Hamilton Nolan · 09/30/13 02:00PM
Once upon a time not so long ago, there was an idea: that some things in this world should be able to exist free from the influence of money—that these things should be done because of their own intrinsic value. You would be forgiven for scoffing at the notion that this idea was ever taken seriously at all.
Good Son Returns Cash Stolen by Bad Dad
Neetzan Zimmerman · 09/30/13 12:08PMWhen Christian Lunsford of Moore, Oklahoma, received a call from the county jail last month he didn't answer it. It was obvious that his father was in trouble with the law. Again.
Hamilton Nolan · 09/24/13 08:54AM
"Millennial males are rebelling against the mass culture they grew up in," marketers say. Also: "One in three say they are 'sneaker obsessed.' And nearly 80% said American brands are cool again."
Teen Faces Expulsion for Playing with Airsoft Gun in Own Front Yard
Neetzan Zimmerman · 09/24/13 08:16AMA Virginia teen has been suspended from school and is facing possible expulsion after he fired an airsoft gun outside his own house.