Chipotle, the chain Mexican restaurant that proudly boasts a menu of food “with integrity,” and in several instances, “with E. coli,” has a new affliction to fight off: A lawsuit alleging the company defrauded its investors with regard to its food safety, or lack thereof.

Conventional wisdom holds if you want to be skinny, eat a bunch of celery. Here’s why: It’s not because chewing it requires more calories than a single stalk contains—a fact I learned in middle school but have not, in fact, ever verified.

Fall’s crisp days are quickly drying out into a spooky, bitter cold as Halloween approaches and small, masked children gather in mobs. But this Hallow’s Eve promises to be even more frightening, as something truly macabre awaits us: it’s the sweet taste of death and it’s coming from inside the house.

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, unless it weakens us with severe stomach pains, diarrhea, fever and cramps.