Though Kim Jong Un’s world might seem glamorous, it turns out that the life of a despotic, human rights-violating dictator is stressful. Because since ascending to the throne in 2012, Supreme Commander Kim Jong Un has put on nearly 100 pounds.

Last week, Donald Trump told Reuters he would have “no problem” speaking with Kim Jong-Un, the fellow follicular innovator he once praised as “pretty amazing.” Unfortunately for Trump, North Korea isn’t sure it can trust a guy who just makes shit up.

On Monday, the Associated Press reports, North Korea expelled three BBC journalists for allegedly insulting the country’s dignity, shortly before the authoritarian state’s first congress in 36 years bestowed a new title upon Kim Jong Un: “Party chairman.”

North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un has ordered his country’s nuclear arsenal to be ready for pre-emptive use “at any time,” Agence France-Presse reports. Tensions are high after the U.N. Security Council approved stringent new sanctions on Pyongyang last week, and South Korea passed new human rights legislation.

North Korea confirmed on Sunday that it launched a satellite into space in the early morning, calling the move “peaceful,” despite no one believing that for a second.

Donald Trump, a man who could be called equally as fascist as many a dictator who came before him, has a new hero—or, rather, a new supreme leader.

Humble Shining Sun Who Lights Our Path, Honorable Leader Kim Jong Un, has put North Korea on war footing over South Korea’s outrageous imperialist puppeteer provocations. To the barricades, fellow well-fed anti-imperialists!

Congratulations to Kim Jong-un, this year’s recipient of the Sukarno Center’s “Global Statesman” award. Past recipients include Mahatma Gandhi, Aung San Suu Kyi (a political dissident turned Myanmar’s opposition leader), and Kim’s grandfather, Kim Il-sung, the founder of North Korea.

Fellow worker: I wish you a very joyous “Struggle Against American Imperialism” month. Raise high your fists against the hostile animalistic imperialist!

A little over a week ago, North Korea claimed to have successfully launched a ballistic missile from an undersea submarine. Such a launch would have been a major step forward for the hermit country, if it had actually happened. But according to German aerospace experts, the photos supposedly proving North Korea’s technological prowess only proved that, once again, North Korea is shit at Photoshop.

According to South Korea’s chief spy agency, the head of North Korea’s military was publicly executed by anti-aircraft gun late last month for disobeying Kim Jong Un and falling asleep during a meeting, the BBC reports.

Kim Jong-un has withdrawn from reported plans to attend a World War II anniversary celebration in Moscow, according to a Kremlin rep. The trip would’ve marked the North Korean leader’s first official trip outside of his country since he assumed power in 2011.

Just days after Barack Obama vowed to hit North Korea with a "proportional response" to their (alleged) involvement in hacking Sony Pictures Entertainment, the DPRK's fragile connection to the internet has "collapsed" and gone "completely dark," the New York Times reports.

The developer of Glorious Leader!, a retro video game starring North Korean despot Kim Jong-un as a heavily armed, unicorn-riding superhero, is stoically moving forward with his game in spite of the explosion of unpaid publicity it's gained from the Sony Pictures hack.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, who has been a no-show at public events in the country since Sept. 3, appeared to return to the public eye Tuesday with photos of him touring building projects running on the front page of North Korea's daily, Rodong Sinmun. His limp of mysterious provenance was also back, along with a cane that only fuels speculation that the head of the totalitarian regime is unwell.

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is reportedly furious about a Chinese viral video that photoshops him into all manner of ridiculous scenarios: dancing, brawling, riding a pig, frolicking with Osama Bin Laden, and generally being made a laughingstock by Obama and Putin.

Kim Jong-un limped his way on stage at his grandfather's memorial ceremony today. It's not clear what his injury is — maybe he's just being dramatic — but it's surprising that state TV captured his apparent weakness.

In a bid to distract from its nuclear weapons program, North Korea announced it will send cheerleaders to South Korea. The DPRK has done this only a handful of times since the Korean War, always in attempts to ease tensions between the two Koreas. The cheerleaders will travel with athletes to the Asian Games in Incheon this September.

Last we heard from North Korea on James Franco and Seth Rogen's Kim Jong-un assassination flick The Interview, friend-of-the-regime Kim Myong-chol said it showed the "desperation of the US government and American society." The country's foreign ministry gave a much more strongly worded review today.

The Interview, starring James Franco and Seth Rogen as American talk show hosts sent to assassinate Kim Jong-un, does not look very funny — an assessment the North Korean state agrees with wholeheartedly.