All of us working stiffs who have to report to the office on this slowest week of the year hate those people who are on vacation this week, right? And who could we hate more than celebrities, who are on vacation every damn day of the year? Well, here they are rubbing our noses in their beach vacations and lives of luxury. What assholes. Let's make fun of them, shall we?
• Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods' alleged mistress, is calling the allegations that she had an affair with the golfer "dumb," "stupid," and "ridiculous," and says "it's like asking me to comment if there are aliens on earth." Worst of all, she's bummed that as a result of this whole saga some "nice, normal guy" that she might eventually settle down with is "going to have a tainted view" of her. Meanwhile, friends and former colleagues of Uchitel say the party-promoting, celebrity-wrangling widow and divorcée has been obsessed with getting close to celebrities for years, is a "drama queen" and "fire-starter," and has had numerous run-ins with her employers in the past. [NYP, NYDN]
• What's Tiger up to? He bailed out of a golf tournament in California later this week and still hasn't come out of his house. [Us, NYP]
• Troubled Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson was arrested yesterday for stealing jewelry, clothing, shoes, and even underwear from a model pal. The really disturbing part: Johnson allegedly left a wet towel and "used vibrator" at the scene of the crime as her "calling card." [NYP, TMZ]
• Tareq and Michaele Salahi, "the most infamous party crashers in the world," appeared on the Today show this morning to tell Matt Lauer they did nothing wrong. The couple claim some mystery evidence—to be released at a later date— will prove they were invited to last week's state dinner. [MSNBC]
• Did you catch dethroned beauty queen Carrie Prejean's hissy fit on Larry King Live last night? It was awkward TV at its finest. [TMZ, YouTube]
• Mike Tyson had a meltdown of his own yesterday. When a paparazzo got a little too close for comfort at LAX, Tyson dropped the photog to the floor with one punch to the face. Both men were later arrested. [LAT, NYDN]
• The latest recorded phone call courtesy of Michael Lohan has Dina Lohan telling her ex that "time is running out" for Lindsay and she's started drinking again. As for how LiLo feels about having her dad air the family's dirty laundry: "My father knows nothing other than now to sell stories for money instead of getting a real job like normal people do, including myself." Lindsay is a normal person with a real job? Who'd have guessed? [Radar, MSNBC]
• Marc Jacobs and Lorenzo Martone were supposed to get married over the summer. But it never happened and now Martone says the couple's decided to wait until after the holidays to tie the knot. "Who wants to get married during a busy season like this? I don't want my friends having to use their lunch break to get me gifts." How thoughtful! [P6]
• Former General Electric CEO Jack Welch has closed on the purchase of an apartment on the 46th-floor of One Beacon Court. It's located next door to the apartment he already owns. And the legendary exec—who just got out of the hospital a couple of weeks ago—scored a pretty good deal, too: Welch paid $8.3 million for the apartment, or nearly $1 million less than what it was first listed for back in February. [Cityfile, previously]
• Kimora Lee Simmons has dropped the price of her blingtastic mansion in Saddle River, NJ. The four-acre estate, which first went on the market for $23 million last year, is now listed for just $16.5 million. [NYP, Sotheby's]
• Restaurant mega-publicist and Iron Chef America judge Karine Bakhoum has put her co-op at 205 East 69th Street on the market. The three-bedroom pad with fireplace and chef's kitchen is listed for $2.35 million. [NYP, Halstead]
• Kimora Lee Simmons is looking to unload a decidedly modest home she owns in East Hampton. The 2,300-square-foot home, which Kimora picked up for $690,000 in 2003, is currently listed for $800,000. Don't expect to find any evidence that the Queen of Bling has spent much time there: In addition to the much larger estate she owns nearby, she also has a $20 million mansion in Saddle River, NJ, which has been on the market since 2007. [Real Estalker, PDE]
• Retired tech exec Lawrence Mueller and his wife Mary Kay have dropped the price of their three-bedroom condo at 15 Central Park West five months after first listing it for $16.5 million. The 25th-floor condo, which the couple bought for $5.99 million in late '07, is now priced at $15.5 million. [Curbed, PDE]
Kimora Lee Simmons owns the word "fabulosity." (Really, she does.) The definition, though, appears to have changed a bit. Back when the going was good, such fabulosity might have included a Perrier-Jouët champagne pedicure. Now? "Fabulosity is being able to buy an outfit for under $100," she explains WWD. Fortunately, her attorney appears to be one step ahead of her. In addition to "mesh shopping bags" and "imitation leather key chains," in the future she will also be free to stamp the "Fabulosity" name on such items as "vinyl and leather pouches for holding disposable bags to place pet waste in."
For whatever reason, this morning's opening of the new JCPenney store at the Manhattan Mall in Herald Square brought together Michael Bloomberg and Kimora Lee Simmons. Stylist dutifully reports that Kimora wore a "royal blue and orange colorblock top that tied at the back with a slim black pencil skirt" for the occasion. Alas, no word (yet) on Mayor Bloomberg's wardrobe particulars, although the tie certainly looks familiar. [Stylist]
• The romance between Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez is heating up. How does People know this? Well, A-Rod supposedly introduced Kate to some of his friends and Kate has been telling people she's a baseball fan, so it's pretty obvious, no? [People]
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou have come up with a name for their new baby: He's Kenzo Lee Hounsou, in honor of the Japanese designer by the same name. [P6]
• A woman is claiming she was attacked and left "crippled" by Sacha Baron Cohen (playing the role of Bruno) in 2007. [TMZ]
• Eminem had thousands of dollars worth of items stolen from his L.A. hotel room on Sunday night, including his diamond necklace and laptop. [NYDN]
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou had a baby boy over the weekend. [Us]
• Susan Boyle checked into a clinic on Saturday after suffering a "mental breakdown" following her loss on Britain's Got Talent. [NYDN, NYP]
• Kate Hudson successfully avoided Madonna at Saturday's polo match, which is a good thing since an encounter could have led to a "girl-on-girl showdown." [NYDN]
• Bill and Hillary are househunting, apparently. Per a friend: "There are some really massive estates that are incredibly cheap. Plus, it's a fun way to spend a weekend." [NYDN]
• As for Barack and Michelle, they spent Saturday in NYC, eating at Blue Hill before attending a performance of Joe Turner's Come and Gone. [NYDN, NYT]
• Eminem stormed out of the MTV Movie Awards after Sasha Baron Cohen landed in his lap, either because he was offended or because it was part of a pre-planned stunt. [P6, NYDN]
• Billy Bob Thornton's daughter has been arrested for child neglect. [People]
• Rumor has it Jennifer Hudson is pregnant. [People]
Spencer and Heidi implode on the set of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, Madonna and Kate Hudson kinda almost get into a catfight, Billy Bob Thornton's daughter is charged in an infant's death, and Lori Petty spent the weekend in the slammer after getting arrested for DUI.
Kelly Bensimon's a glutton for punishment, thespian Whitney Port's nuanced acting critiques, two babies, two 90s stars, a Clinton house (hunting) party, and some Communist dick is always just some Communist dick: presenting your Sunday morning gossip roundup.
Kimora Lee Simmons has good reason to munch on some cupcakes today. It's her 34th birthday. Given the events of the past year, former AIG chief Hank Greenberg probably isn't in the mood to celebrate, but it's his 84th birthday all the same. Others turning a year older today: Comedian Will Arnett is 39. Lance Bass is turning 30. Columnist George Will is turning 68. Actor Richard Jenkins is 62. Former SNL castmember Ana Gasteyer is turning 42. ESPN reporter Erin Andrews turns 31. Pia Zadora is 55. Gallerist Jeanne Greenberg Rohatyn is 42. And two of the city's top lawyers, Ed Herlihy and Paul Roth are turning 62 and 70, respectively.
• Ravi Singh, who retired from Goldman Sachs late last year, appears to be having a tough time unloading the four-bedroom apartment at 15 CPW he picked up last March for $15.87 million. Since listing the home for $32 million in September, Singh has cut the price three times, and it now has an asking price of $22.5 million. [Cityfile, BHS]
• Hess Corp. chairman and CEO John Hess has paid $5.5 million for a condo at Tribeca's 101 Warren. [Cityfile]
• Ira Lipman, the head of the security firm Guardsmark, has paid $2 million for an apartment at the Sherry Netherland. [Cityfile]
• Folk artist Thomas Langan and his wife Penelope have put their waterfront home in Roslyn Harbor on the market for $2.9 million. [Newsday, PDE]
• Kimora Lee Simmons has lowered the price of the manse in Beverly Hillst hat she first listed for $7.75 million in June. It's now yours for $6.9 million. [BTL]
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou are married. Sort of. The couple reportedly traveled to Africa last summer to tie the knot in a secret ceremony, but the marriage isn't valid in the US since Kimora was still married to Russell Simmons at the time. But Djimon went shopping for an engagement ring last week, so they'll sort it all out soon enough. [NYDN]
• An escort who claims she serviced Eliot Spitzer has lots of details to share about the encounter, if you're feeling brave this morning. Among other things, she claims he liked to choke her during sex. [R&M]
• Jeffrey Toobin doesn't believe that he's the father of Casey Greenfield's baby, although she's asking for a paternity test to know for sure. [R&M]
• Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have split up. Again. [People]
• After a handful of false alarms (and after claiming they were weren't even engaged) Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen finally got married yesterday, tying the knot in a small ceremony at a Catholic church in Santa Monica. [Us, People]
• It looks like Jeremy Piven won't be penalized for walking away from Speed-the-Plow, since officials from Actors' Equity and the Broadway League couldn't come to a consensus at his hearing yesterday. [NYT, NYP]
• Russell Simmons has agreed to pay Kimora $40,000 a month in child support until their daughters turn 19. [People]
• Derek Jeter is supposedly dating a 22-year-old FIT student. Given she enjoys playing his voicemails for her group of friends, you probably shouldn't expect the relationship to last very long. [NYDN]
A recap of the shows, parties, and gossip you've missed at Fashion Week thus far after the jump.
• Richie Rich is back. Traver Rains won't be by his side, but Richie will show a solo collection during Fashion Week, and muses Amanda Lepore and Lydia Hearst will be in attendance, natch. [WWD]
• Proof that bling really is dead: Kimora Lee Simmons says she's toning down, since "now's not the time to be running all over and flaunting the money that we don't have." [WSJ]
• André Leon Talley's interview with Michelle Obama from the March issue of Vogue is now online. [Style.com]
• A roundup of what's left of the fall/winter collection at various stores. [MAS]
• A list of Valentine's Day-inspired goodies. [Pipeline]
• Remember Rachel Zoe's lawsuit last week? Yea, well, t-shirt designer Christopher Sauvé isn't putting up with any of it. [NYM]
• You can rest easier now. Jessica Simpson is launching a luggage line. [SW]
• Martha Stewart is so distraught over the death of her chow chow and her break-up with Charles Simonyi that she's been adopting cats left and right (and throwing them parties, too). Or at least that's what the National Enquirer says. [NE]
• Brooke Shields says the Lipstick Jungle stage manager who stole props from the set swiped cash from her wallet, too. [NYDN]
• Amy Winehouse's house in London was robbed yesterday. [People, The Sun]
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Russell Simmons have finalized their divorce. Good thing, too, since she's pregnant with Djimon Hounsou's baby. [Us]
• Kanye West employs a resident "shoekeeper" to keep track of his 450 pairs of shoes, which is what you'd do, too, if you were Kanye West. [The Sun]
Get ready to see nine months of fab, phat maternity wear: Kimora Lee Simmons and boyfriend Djimon Hounsou say they're having a baby. Kimora reportedly spilled the beans to her employees last week. No word on whether it's a boy or a girl, or if they've come up with a name yet. Clearly they'll have some work to do to find a name that goes along with Kimora, Djimon, Ming, and Aoki. [E!]
