Earlier this week, Gawker received a series of emails forwarded from an employee of a well-known New York media nonprofit. For the woman who wrote them, they are a record of the Universe's single-minded objective to deprive her of her kombucha. For the people who read them, they are a six-month documentation of one woman's descent into madness.

Breaking kombucha news! When Whole Foods pulled the vile fermented tea from its shelves due to concerns over high alcohol content, millions of pampered shoppers were dismayed. Now, feds say kombucha should be treated like a lowly Budweiser.

Lindsay's favorite non-alcoholic beverage is alcoholic! Lady Gaga shocks another sports stadium. Snooki throws a drink. Good Morning America has a gay kiss double-standard. "Kidnapped" Jeremy London's story keeps getting dumber. Saturday's Gossip Roundup is advancing to the next round.

When you're in Whole Foods tomorrow to pick up your organic free-range sustainable humanely slaughtered coconut chicken skewers, you might see some people staring forlornly at an empty shelf. Why? The kombucha's gone! Oh, overpriced fermented tea. Where'd you go?