In a special edition of #stalker, Michael "Kramer" Richards was spotted this evening in the Union Square subway station. What he was doing there is a mystery, though:

• Santa Loses It by aweekofkindness.com [YouTube via BestWeekEver.tv]

The inevitable quote we have all been bracing for—in which a certain margarita-loving Malibu land baron harboring a mistrust of Jews and a sugar tit chip on his shoulder weighs in on recent events involving a former sitcom star's choice to silence chatty comedy club patrons by angrily sharing his historical knowledge of half-century-old, flatware-assisted lynching practices—has finally come. Not surprisingly, the quotee's heart goes out to the most recent victim stricken by the highly contagious outbreak of Celebrity Racist Tourette's Syndrome currently sweeping through Hollywood:

Remember that time that Michael Richards' newly hired crisis manager tried to diffuse his client's less-publicized, anti-Semitic comedy club tirade by claiming that the actor is Jewish, so all that talk about the fucking Jews causing Jesus' death was just a little bit of role-playing fun at the expense of his own people? Apparently, when he told his publicist that he was a member of the faith, he didn't realize that the official conversion process might be more rigorous than squeezing his eyes shut, imagining his participation in a bris, and declaring himself a a certified son of Abraham. Beleaguered flack Howard Rubenstein explains Richards' complicated Jewish-ishness to the AP:

On Sunday, the Michael Richards Apology Tour made a stop at Jesse Jackson's syndicated radio show, a venue where there was no live studio audience to undermine with nervous laughter the seriousness of his clumsy explanations that his remarks about African-American hecklers hanging upside down "with a fucking fork up [their] ass" came from a rage-place, not a hate-place. During his interview with Jackson, Richards upgraded his level of regret from "busted up" to "shattered," and claimed that the N-bombs he so liberally detonated throughout his onstage tirade are not a part of his vocabulary, even though "the show business" makes them too "accessible" to misguided "young whites" who might think racist meltdowns are "cool":

While Michael Richards has not been having, to put it mildly, the greatest of weeks, the actor has already set upon the long road of "personal work" and Jujitsu of the soul that might ultimately deliver him from his shocking inability to launch snappy, epithet-free retorts at comedy club hecklers. A Road To Kramer's Redemption Round-Up:
· "Some of my best friends are Afro-American civil rights leaders!" Richards' newly acquired publicist, Howard Rubenstein, says the actor spent the day calling Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton to let them know how sorry and not racist he is. [TMZ]
· A couple claims they were subjected to yet another racist comedy club outburst, in which Richards screamed at a heckler at The Improv, "You fucking Jew. You people are the cause of Jesus dying," before storming off the stage. Richards would later insist what he meant to say was, "Save your breath for your inflatable date!" but his gut told him the crowd wanted something more "Jew-hatey." [TMZ]

Inevitably, one of the unfortunate side effects of having a video of your racist meltdown (and subsequent, cringe-inducing apology to the "Afro-American" community) played in front of virtually everyone with either a television or an internet connection is that some troublemaker will comb through the deepest recesses of your IMDb profile and eventually turn up something that's going to look a lot less amusing in light of recent events and slap it up on YouTube. We can't say we've ever seen Whoops Apocalypse, but we're sure there was a compelling dramatic reason why Michael Richards had to portray a jive-talking blind man while wearing blackface that makes C. Thomas Howell's self-tanner overdose look convincing.

Those of you with "interests" and "lives" may not have caught Michael Richards' appearance on The Late Show last night, in which the actor appeared via satellite to apologize to the world for allowing his N-bombed-tinged heckler revenge fantasies involving fork-based sodomy to come spilling out in one ugly, unhinged, onstage tirade. But through the magic of YouTube, you now have the opportunity to spend the next seven or so minutes experiencing the cringe-inducing awkwardness that permeates the interview, complete with Richards' multiple references to the "Afro-Americans" he offended with his "crap," mea culpa enabler Jerry Seinfeld's scolding of a studio audience who, obviously confused over whether or not this was a comedy bit, tittered through parts of the apology, and Richard's questioning of whether Letterman's show was even the right venue for sincerity. (Answer: Probably not so much. Maybe if he'd hired a publicist to handle the situation, he could've gotten a spot on Oprah's couch, or some face time with established crisis diffuser Diane Sawyer.)

A Defamer operative stumbled upon the subject of the racist celebrity meltdown du jour, Michael Richards, whose rambling and vicious verbal attack against some African American hecklers Friday night momentarily transformed the Sunset Strip's Laugh Factory into something more akin to the Hatred Sweatshop. The sighting occurred at CBS Television City, where Richards was likely taping the satellite interview set to air on The Late Show with David Letterman tonight:

We've already set our TiVos for tonight's episode of the Late Show, anticipating that David Letterman would probably have some questions for guest Jerry Seinfeld about a certain former castmate who recently tried out some controversial new material at the Laugh Factory. A tipster tells us that the taping has just ended, and that the Official Michael Richards "Sorry About The N-Bombs And Lynching Remarks" Tour has begun in earnest:

Extra reports that Jerry Seinfeld has already beaten his lower-billed castmates to press with a public statement disapproving of Kramer's N-bomb, saying, "I am sick over this. I'm sure Michael is also sick over this horrible, horrible mistake. It is so extremely offensive. I feel terrible for all the people who have been hurt." While this expression of heartsickness from the series' titular star should obviate the need for further comments from the Seinfeld crew, we suspect that The Insider, Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, and no fewer than five separate E! countdown shows won't rest until they ambush every actor who's ever appeared on the show's call sheet, hoping for a great "get" featuring the Soup Nazi's poignant call for tolerance after he patiently explains to a reporter that his character didn't actually hate Jews, just people who didn't order their lobster bisque in a properly deferential way.

During his Laugh Factory set on Friday night, Michael Richards finally tried out fresh material intended to achieve some separation between his beloved, bumbling Kramer persona and the working comedian desperate to forge a post-Seinfeld identity. Upon some reportedly light heckling from a pair of African-American audience members, Richards unveiled a new catchphrase, "Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass," one he'd hoped would supplant any oft-intoned Seinfeld quips about masturbation contests or the efficacy of butter as a tanning aid. Unfortunately, the less elegant N-bomb-laced follow-up to his lynching bon mot ensured that various media outlets, looking for a quick hook, will go with "Kramer's Racist Tirade," setting back his efforts at leaving the character behind.