Before the days of SexyBack, Lance Bass coming out, and Joey Fatone flooding airwaves hosting awful gameshows, there was a time when Boy Bands reigned supreme. Each had a christmas single — but not all of them co-starred Gary Coleman!

• The Kardashian girls continue to rake it in. Khloe Kardashian tied the knot with LA Laker Lamar Odom last night at a ceremony and reception was paid for by E!. (The event will be featured on an upcoming episode of E!'s Keeping Up With the Kardashians.) She may collect $250,000 more by selling photos of the nuptials. [People, TMZ, P6]
• After spending three decades as a fugitive on charges he raped a 13-year-old in 1978, famed director Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland on Saturday while on his way to attend the Zurich Film Festival. [NYDN, ABC]
• One of Saturday Night Live's brand new cast members, Jenny Slate, dropped an F-bomb on the show. [YouTube, NYDN]

Kim Cattrall breaks up with her man, Will and Jada Smith have lots of sex, Chace Crawford is moving out of Ed Westwick's place to get his own apartment downtown and Megan Fox is shopping for a house.

• Is Penelope Cruz with child? The only evidence seems to be that she looks a bit bigger these days, but if that's enough to convince you, feel free to pass the rumor on to everyone you know. [P6]
• Jesus Luz, Madonna's Brazilian model boyfriend, isn't happy that Madge has been spending time with her ex, and he's become "downright childlike" in his need for her constant attention. That might have something to do with the fact that he is a child, but whatever. [NYDN]
• Who says the love fades after 60? Jane Fonda is reportedly head over heels in love with her new boyfriend, music producer Richard Perry. And Robert Redford tied the knot with his younger German girlfriend over the weekend. [P6, People]

Chace Crawford has a new swimsuit model love interest, Susan Boyle freaks out in a fit of rage on strangers and cops in London, Jon and Kate are manipulating their kids, Rihanna will get virtually naked in a new Kanye video, and Anna Wintour wants to be ambassador to Britain.

Kimora Lee Simmons has good reason to munch on some cupcakes today. It's her 34th birthday. Given the events of the past year, former AIG chief Hank Greenberg probably isn't in the mood to celebrate, but it's his 84th birthday all the same. Others turning a year older today: Comedian Will Arnett is 39. Lance Bass is turning 30. Columnist George Will is turning 68. Actor Richard Jenkins is 62. Former SNL castmember Ana Gasteyer is turning 42. ESPN reporter Erin Andrews turns 31. Pia Zadora is 55. Gallerist Jeanne Greenberg Rohatyn is 42. And two of the city's top lawyers, Ed Herlihy and Paul Roth are turning 62 and 70, respectively.

We were shocked to learn that Dancing with the Stars continued its search for America's Next Top Cha Cha-ing Z-Lister after Cloris Leachman was unceremoniously ejected from the proceedings. (Did they really have to insist her partner grab her by her limbs, spin her around, and launch her into the bleachers? That still seems excessively harsh to us.) But continue it did, and multi-purpose, large-breasted Hollywood personality Brooke Burke deservedly took the show's coveted disco ball trophy.To pad out this foregone conclusion, first casualty Jeff Ross was invited back to roast the contestants, presenting the perfect opportunity to get in a few gay-themed jabs at Lance Bass. Because the gayest thing to come out of DWTS has to be Lance Bass—not the fuchsia breakaway sleeves, the Dr. Drew-elicited waterworks, or the soiled dance belt Ross had to peel out from between his ass cheeks following his humiliating first-week defeat. [Dancing with the Stars]

[Lance Bass, former NSYNCer and current Star with whom there is Dancing, on that show's set yesterday; image via INF]

· Lance Bass told Jay Leno he came back from Russian cosmonaut training two inches shorter, which is why he tends to wear high heels now. · A riot broke out at a San Francisco mall today where Twilight star Robert Pattinson was appearing, with "one fan was trampled" and another's "nose broken as a result of being crushed up against the front doors to the mall." The event was canceled. TMZ has some video, but it's not nearly at goth-rampage-tastic as we had hoped. · South African Singer Miriam Makeba died on stage in Italy today of a heart attack at age 76. · After 10 years, KCRW music director and Morning Becomes Eclectic host Nic Harcourt is stepping down, though he'll still host a three-hour show on Sunday nights. · Time to take the Wonkette Which Emanuel Brother Am I? personality quiz!

"NO MORE MR. NICE GAY," read one of the many signs last night in Los Angeles as Defamer attended a huge anti-Prop. 8 rally that drew several thousand — then set them marching all over the city. (Your Defamer was also partial to another sign, referencing the easily-passed, animal rights-granting Prop. 2: "I Want What the Chickens Got!") It was powerful, emotional stuff, and even more fireworks should erupt today at 2pm, when the crowd takes their fight to the Mormon temple on Santa Monica Blvd to protest the many millions the church sunk into passing the anti-gay Prop. 8. Until then, though, let's relive the night the best way Defamer knows how: with celebrity spottings and silly anecdotes! You can see the Robert Rodriguez-less Rose McGowan protesting up above — who else was there, and who wasn't?

We're still reeling from the bombshell news that singer Clay Aiken is gay. We keep returning to the picture of his revelatory People magazine cover and pleading to unknowable gods for an answer. Why??? And— Wait a second. Haven't we seen this picture before? The cocked head, the casual yet frank declaration, the curious hair? Um, yes! Yes we have. On NSYNCer Lance Bass's People cover two years ago and comedian Ellen DeGeneres' big Time cover ten years ago. Same exact head position, nearly the same hair, and Clay and Ellen even have that little extra "Yes" or "Yep"—that same sheepish sense of "yeah, I know you knew, I'm just sayin' so it's out there and all." Bass didn't get one of those folksy affirmatives because, we suspect, he was still laboring under the illusion that people weren't sure about his sexuality. Or maybe People magazine was. Gay rumors dogged him, to be sure, but not in the same way that they followed DeGeneres and Aiken. So is this the way to come out on magazines? I mean, straight dudes would never do that head tilt, right? Oh, and where in the heck is Lindsay Lohan's cover?

· On America's Got Talent last night, David Hasselhoff was refreshingly candid about the stirrings in his loins elicited by Drag Britney. [AGT] · Step! Two, Three, Ball, Step, Ball, Reverse, Change! Watch out stars—Lance means business! [Mollygood] · In this new promotional shot from Land of the Lost, Will Ferrell stands next to the kind of Sleestak you might imagine posing for pictures at Disneyland. [First Showing] · Mmmm...Hannah Montana Sweet & Sour Gummi Cocks. [BWE.tv] · And last but not least, it's Paul Reubens's birthday today. In his honor, enjoy the entire Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special. Happy birthday, Pee-wee! Mm...Birthday cakey. [YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube]

• On her new album, Britney Spears allegedly has a song called "ATM" where she sings, "Hey Mama, I know it's my cash you seek." After being hospitalized in January and February, Spears stabilized her life and won increased visitation with her two sons, only to have her handlers push her back into various work endeavors. Point being, the song is probably more than mere celebrity whining, and I will actually purchase it on iTunes! (JUST LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE, etc.) [Mirror]

• Did Uma Thurman and Arki Busson get secretly married during their engagement party earlier this month? If so, does that mean the European vacation they're on right now is really a honeymoon? [Page Six]

With legalized same-sex unions already labeled passé, Hollywood discovered its newest cause designed specifically to piss off Arkansas: live, televised, boy-on-boy fox-trotting mayhem. This fall, Lance Bass is reportedly set to join the cast of Dancing With The Stars and partner with a male dancer and cha-cha his way into America's hearts. You know, because he's gay. And it's edgy.

• Maybe Barack Obama surprised Scarlett Johansson with a bunch of long emails because her brother, Hunter, works for him. Uh, sure. [P6]

Reichen Lehmkuhl, the square-jawed former U.S. Air Force recruit who found a measure of fame winning Amazing Race and later as Lance Bass's boyfriend, may at first glance seem to have it all: the calendars, the flight-themed, gay-man's jewelry collections, the underwear- model- search- winning boyfriend...Oops, not so fast, as a recent update to his MySpace page (the first place fans go to be informed of any major changes in his seemingly doomed personal life) suggests that yet again, all is not what it appears in a perfect universe filled with depilated abs and seam-compromised Speedo baskets. From PinkIsTheNewBlog.com:

[Lance Bass, a gay person who used to sing in a barbershop quintet, mobbed by fans in Australia yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Former NSYNC'er and current homosexual Lance Bass leaving Foxtail restaurant last night with his new boyfriend; image via WENN]

Ryan Seacrest, American Idol emcee and probable gay, graces the cover of Details this month, looking forlorn next to a headline that reads "Ryan Seacrest Knows What You Think of Him." It's remarkably similar to Lance Bass's January Advocate cover, which featured the pensive-looking "singer" and the sad statement that "Lance Bass Knows You Talk Trash About Him." Why the similarities? Why the self-pity?? Jossip suggests it's because, you know, "there are so few things you can say about gay people to make them sound interesting." This is true! Also, no one likes Ryan Seacrest or Lance Bass. Click here for larger image, at Jossip.