Occupy Wall Street protester Isaac Wilder tried to retrieve his backpack and other personal property confiscated during Tuesday night's HYPD police raid on Zuccotti Park from the city's Department of Sanitation. He didn't find any of his belongings, but he did find lots of destroyed property.

Are coffee shops, of all fucking places, going to become the latest bastion of rudeness in our society, in which a fellow American who simply wants to purchase a cup of coffee and sit quietly, for nine hours, typing on a laptop, with papers and shit spread out all over the table as if this is his personal fucking office, is "not welcome?"

College professors hate when their students are distracted by laptops in class so much that it occasionally results in assault charges. Some professors have gone so far as to spy on their students to figure out what they're up to on their computers.

Don't steal laptops! And if you do steal a laptop, don't use its built-in camera to record yourself dancing to "Make It Rain," the way the fellow dancing to "Make It Rain" in the video above did.

This week's Oprah Winfrey Show is being broadcast from Sydney, Australia! On today's episode, Winfrey—and special guest Jay-Z—surprised an entire school of boys (and their female teacher) with a $1 million gift of new laptops. The video, inside.

Could there possibly be a worse combination than zoo animals and laptops? Watch this video to find out.

Laptop burns! Pizza frequencies! Drug trial speed! Knife-throwing wonder! Drill-less cavities! Rabies alert! Minorities in science! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—so single-mindedly we scarcely notice the hot item roasting our poor flesh!

Grad student John Boldt had his laptop (which held his thesis) stolen. But he backed everything up, so no big deal, right? Well: His backup hard drive was stolen too, and now he may have to drop out.

How desperate are New York Times employees? A tipster tells us that a thief recently stole 27(!) laptop computers from the NYT's headquarters—and some think it may have been an inside job. The sordid details:

Pranks should have a modicum of wit behind them. This retaliation prank is more like wanton destruction, but it fits the original crime, as our videographer informs us in the opening, so we salute it.

MTV is never short on idiotic ideas, and one of their newest offerings — a dating show where contestants are allowed to comb through each other's computers, so hott — looks typically harebrained. But they can't even get the viral video right. Sure, it has a promising start, with the potential for greasy laptop perv-sex, plus a little Videodrome thrown in. But the money shot isn't particularly funny, makes no sense in the context of the ad or the show, and frankly, proves that a large tongue can be plenty unsexy when improperly used.

The SF Chron's laptop stabbing piece is today's most educational article, full of life lessons:

Okay, if you don't know the ending, this scene is the best-climaxed story ever. The setting: a cafe in San Fran's Mission District. The speaker: a finance manager who doing the sip-and-type thing on his laptop.