Welcome back to Gawkerazzi, when we look at pictures of celebrities and make fun of them on video, instead of in writing. Join us as we bitch about Kate Winslet's weird sausage dress, Gwyneth's Contagion, the mysterious case of a feathered bowtie, and other curiosities.

The Gossip Girl star would like some awards recognition, please. Also today: Leo DiCaprio taps into his murderous side, yet another CSI departure, and a Noah's Ark movie might be imminent.

Lindsay Lohan gets a "tripped out effect" from sunglasses lined with flashing lights. James Franco has a sex tape. Rihanna's purported lesbian lover speaks. Montana Fishburne pretends to drink bleach. Tuesday gossip is a rave.

J.Lo's assistants aren't allowed significant others or vacations. Fred Armisen dumped Elisabeth Moss for a younger SNL cast member. Montana Fishburne explains the weird spots on her butt. Naomi Campbell cheats on her taxes. Thursday gossip rules with fear.

Lady Gaga crowd surfs in pasties and fishnet, and gets licked. Dina Lohan plans a family garage sale. Katy Perry's new song is about how bad her ex-boyfriend was in bed. Monday gossip is orally fixated.

A Siegfried & Roy sex tape scandal involves unwanted groping and a male employee. Emma Watson cuts her hair. Laurence Fishburne offers $1 million to block his daughter's porn debut. Justin Timberlake goes gay. TGIFriday gossip.

Katy Perry pontificates on Google Alert addictions. Laurence Fishburne isn't speaking to his porn star daughter. George Clooney's girlfriend knows you're jealous of her, and she will rub her happiness in your face. Wednesday gossip indulges bad habits.

Montana Fishburne says her forthcoming sex tape is a calculated career choice. Foxy Brown flees the police after a massive brawl. Lindsay Lohan has no pillow. Robert Pattinson is a nail biter. TGIFriday gossip. Updated with Montana's DVD cover.

Hilary Swank turns 35 today. Restaurateur Keith McNally is turning 58. Lisa Kudrow is 46. The former bodybuilder and actor who is now the Governor of California is 62. Director Peter Bogdanovich is turning 70. Bud Selig, the commissioner of Major League Baseball, is 75. Director Richard Linklater is turning 49. Laurence Fishburne is 48. Park Avenue plastic surgeon David Hidalgo is 57. Former MTV exec (and now Oprah disciple) Christina Norman is turning 46. Ad agency CEO Chuck Brymer is 50. Food Network host Alton Brown is turning 47. Tom Green is 38. Vivica A. Fox is turning 45. Jaime Pressly is 32. Anita Hill is 53. And Paul Anka turns 68 today.

· Laurence Fishburne is in negotiations to take over for the departing William Petersen in CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, in which he'll play a scientist who "has the same genetic profile as a serial killer," much like the sociopathic cowboy he played on Saturday morning TV in the late '80s. [THR]
·Load up on guns, bring your friends: "Smells Like Teen Spirit" video director Sam Bayer will direct the Michael Bay-produced noir action thriller Fiasco Heights for Universal. [THR]
·Suspiciously obtained reality show concept Wipeout, a surprise summer hit for ABC, has been renewed for another season of waterlogged, spine-snapping fun. [Variety]
·Taking Woodstock, Ang Lee's totally weird movie starring Demetri Martin as the gay decorator inadvertently at the center of the legendary music festival, will begin shooting this month, with go-to Period Gay Emile Hirsch added to the cast.
· Tony-winning Best Play August: Osage County is being prepped for a movie version, probably to star Meryl Streep, with a snappier plot based on a series of loosely-strung-together Roxette songs. [Variety]

"An audience member reports [Laurence] Fishburne, who has been estranged from his parents for 15 years, was overcome when he saw his father in the crowd and began to weep as he introduced his dad to the playgoers." [Page Six]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Adrian Grenier possibly consoling the dead bird out of some weepy blonde girl:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Buster Bluth menacing the Grove Santa with his hook.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Leave Britney Alone Guy enjoying cocktails in his adoptive homeland.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time Tommy Lee was kind enough to shake unwashed, pee-tainted hands with all his Dodger Stadium fans.

Being a Hollywood assistant often comes with a list of job expectations that could never fit into a 100-word blurb on the UTA job list. Take for instance the recent lawsuit brought against Laurence Fishburne by a former assistant, who claims that Morpheus doesn't really care if you take the red or blue pill, as long as you take the Pill: