Lady Gaga crowd surfs in pasties and fishnet, and gets licked. Dina Lohan plans a family garage sale. Katy Perry's new song is about how bad her ex-boyfriend was in bed. Monday gossip is orally fixated.

  • A thrilled fan licked a crowdsurfing Lady Gaga's stomach at Lollapalooza. Apparently that's what happens when you're the biggest pop star in the world, and you throw yourself into a crowd of orgasmic fans, while wearing nothing but fishnet and pasties. Anyway, here's the video—it happened during Semi-Precious Weapons' set, and reminds me of a scene from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. [DailyMail, top image via Getty]

  • Katy Perry says she's having "my 'You Oughta Know,' Alanis Morissette moment" and it's about ex-boyfriend Travis McCoy, former lead singer of Gym Class Heroes. Among the things Katy has to say to him: "You could have been the greatest/ But you'd rather get wasted/ You fall asleep during foreplay/ 'Cause the pills you take are more your forté" and "You think you're so rock and roll/ But you're really just a joke." There should be a rule that only the less successful half of a broken relationship is allowed to trash talk. When the mega-hot, ultra-famous, engaged-to-be-married, one-who-got-away does it, the whole thing gets a little sad. [P6]
  • Laurence Fishburne's daughter's porno hits shelves tomorrow and he still isn't speaking to her. Laurence's ex-wife Hajna, on the other hand, "loves me and is concerned and worried about me," says Montana. According to Hajna.com—the official website of Hajna Fishburne-Moss, featuring animated images of her cleavage and six-pack—Montana's mother is an aerobics instructor, fitness model, dancer, and "Pilates, Yoga, Yogalates, Body Pump, CPR, Black Belt Tae Kwon Do" enthusiast. [TMZ, Us, Hajna.com]

Here's the cover of Justin Bieber's forthcoming autobiography. I never noticed before how much his mouth looks like Scarlett Johansson's. [People, images via Harper Collins and Getty]

  • Lindsay Lohan's long-suffering assistant Elinore is "miserable," "super-stressed," and "incredibly worn out" because, with LiLo away in rehab, she now has to answer to a pair of more terrible masters: Dina and Ali Lohan. Among the bullshit she must now weather: Errands, pick ups, and drop offs for 16-year-old Ali, and Dina's "rambling" plans to make more money off her children. Apparently Dina wants to have another LiLo garage sale. This is the second time Dina has attempted to auction off her offspring's personal possessions during an absence; when Lindsay was in India, Dina created a website to sell all of her shit while she was away. Dina's welcome home parties must be awful. "Welcome home! By the way, I sold your house." [TMZ]
  • Marlon Brando's son's ex-girlfriend is holding Marlon's ashes hostage, and won't give them back to the Brando family. Apparently Donna Lopez Geon took it upon herself to spread the remaining ashes, which weren't supposed to be spread, because portions of Marlon's remains had already been distributed in Tahiti and Death Valley, what was left was supposed to stay "in the family." [TMZ]
  • Tareq and Michaele Salahi got served with legal papers at the Real Housewives of D.C. premiere party. Apparently they owe $15,000 to a PR firm, which knew exactly how to maximize the drama of the situation, on account of being a PR firm. [ReliableSource]
  • Rod Stewart is going to be a dad again. 39-year-old wife Penny Lancaster (whose name alone is reason enough to procreate with a rock star) is expecting her second child and Rod's sixth. [People]
  • Laura Linney doesn't watch herself onscreen: "I have a hard time watching myself. I usually walk out and come back in." So she's not a Tyra Banks, wallpaper of self-portraits kind of lady, then? [P6]
  • Nicky Hilton's no good, very bad week: Dropped phone in the ocean, lost her contact lenses, got a parking ticket. The fabulously wealthy, they're just like us: They get up on the wrong side of the bed, sometimes. (Then they buy a new bed and flog fifty weeping whipping boys. But why focus on that which separates us?) [DailyMail]
  • Actress Patricia Neal has died of lung cancer. The Oscar-winning actress and wife of Roald Dahl was 84 years old. [DigitalSpy]