The New York Times and Washington Post are in informal talks about the online news business. The obvious subtext: The newspapers want Google to pay for their headlines. They're going about it all wrong.

A Louisiana woman is suing Wal-Mart over an incident where a nutria, affectionately named "Norman" by store employees, "came from behind the Coke rack" and scared the shit out of her.

John Gechter—though our readers might well know him better as "Vincent DeSalvo"—received a one-year suspension from Grove City College for starring in one little gay porn movie.

Do not assume for a second that if you buy Chanel perfume on the site perfumekaos.com—or a Chanel handbag on bagsnyc.com—you are getting the genuine article. (As if you'd be fooled by a $5,000 bag on sale for $49.99!) Chanel slapped a Bronx man named David Sepulveda with lawsuit for acting as the "moving and conscious force" behind a collection of websites that sell counterfeit Chanel products on the Web. The French luxury giant says Sepulveda's operation is causing Chanel "irreparable damage," which might be because the crap he's selling is not real, and thus "likely inferior in quality." Chanel is asking a judge to put a stop to Sepulveda's operation as well as demanding he hand over $2 million "per each counterfeit Chanel mark used and product sold." That could end up being a lot of money, clearly. Even more frightening: If Sepulveda doesn't quit ripping off Chanel, he runs the risk of having Karl Lagerfeld personally show up to his office at 1676 Mayflower Avenue in the Bronx and take care of matters personally. And that could get messy in a hurry. The full lawsuit is below.

Color us confused: Hollywood gossip Perez Hilton, aka Mario Lavandeira, the queen of the knockoff disguised as parody. So why is he suing PerezRevenge to get it to change its name?

Paris Hilton is involved in some lawsuit over God knows what, and as part of a deposition, she was asked about several entries on her cell phone bill. Her response? "I've never looked at my phone bill in my entire life," she explained, adding that she didn't even know who paid the bill in the first place. "With my phone I never know, because I lose it all the time... I probably get a new cell phone like every two weeks." Of course, she could afford to lose her cell phone every hour of the day if she felt like it: Court documents indicate she raked in $22 million from 2006-07 thanks to sponsorship deals and public appearances. One of the companies that chipped in a good deal of that? Cell phone giant Motorola. Naturally. [TSG, AP]

Last week, Phil Falcone, the billionaire hedge fund mogul best known for picking up the Guccione mansion in 2007 for $49 million, was slapped with a lawsuit by a former employee at his firm. Howard Kagan, who joined Falcone's Harbinger Capital Partners in 2003, claims he was stiffed out of $62 million bonus for the work he did in 2008. How, exactly, did Kagan come up with such a huge sum given Falcone's fund lost, like, billions last year, much like every other hedge fund in town? That's unclear, although it's beginning to look like the suit was part of an attempt to force Falcone into coughing up the cash rather than face the prospect of bad press. Sure, that tactic might work with some nerdy hedge fund manager who enjoys spending quiet nights at home with his HP-12C calculator. But you don't pull that kind of stunt on a ballsy guy like Falcone and live to tell. Did we mention that the dude lives in a former orgy palace and keeps a pet pig in one of his 367 spare bedrooms? [Dealbreaker]

Jay Bennett, the former guitar and keyboard player for Wilco who was famously fired during the filming of the Wilco documentary I Am Trying to Break Your Heart, is suing frontman Jeff Tweedy.

Alexander Maryasin has a rather active imagination. The Queens man says he used his American Express Black Card to book a vacation to Sardinia with his son, but was taken hostage for two weeks at the hotel Amex recommended, so he's now suing American Express and the hotel for the horrific treatment they were forced to endure. Maryasin says he used the exclusive card to book a trip to Hotel Cala di Volpe, one of Italy's most expensive resorts. But when he and his son arrived to check in, their passports were confiscated and they were forced by hotel staffers—at gunpoint—to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars shopping at boutiques around town, charges that were conveniently placed on his Amex card. Even more disturbing? To add insult to injury, Maryasin says the hotel staff pushed him into the pool, too.

Huh. David Paterson settled a discrimination suit filed by a guy who says the governor fired him because of his race. But David Paterson is our first black governor! Oh, the guy is white.

FriendFinder Networks, the publisher of Penthouse and operator of adult-classifieds websites, is facing a sexy legal scandal. A former top executive who went public with her grievances has now filed a lawsuit.

Parlor Steakhouse on the Upper East Side earned a middling review when Frank Bruni of the New York Times paid a visit last October. He came way reasonably pleased with the service, though, including the "friendly hostesses," and "prompt waiter." But that may be because he didn't come across a waiter by the name of Hugh Loeser. Parlor is the latest in a very, very, very long line of restaurants to find itself sued by an employee for paying less than the minimum wage and for pooling tips. You can take a gander at Loeser's lawsuit after the jump.

Peter Arnell can't seem to catch a break these days. Earlier this year, the advertising mogul and "brand expert" was widely mocked for blowing millions on a silly, new logo Pepsi. Just weeks later, his decision to change Tropicana's packaging turned into an epic disaster, causing thousands of consumers to cry foul and sending sales plummeting by 20 percent. Now he has another more defeat to add to his list. HarperCollins just won a lawsuit against Arnell and he'll now have to write the publishing house a check for $100,000.

The stories we recounted last week about the abusive working conditions at the estate of Nelson Peltz (see here and here) weren't the first complaints directed at the billionaire investor. Last month, James Turowski, who says he worked as a bodyguard and chauffeur for Peltz, filed a discrimination lawsuit against his employer. Turowski says he was working for the Peltzes when he sustained a serious head injury, and he ultimately had to be hospitalized for several weeks as a result. When he returned to work, however, he was almost immediately fired, a violation, he claims, of city and state employment laws as well as the Americans with Disabilities Act. Last week, Peltz's attorneys filed papers to move the case from state court to federal court. But Peltz's legal team may have more on its plate in the near future. We hear several former employees of his estate are now looking into filing a class action suit over the treatment they received working at Peltz's Westchester mansion. In the meantime, you'll find Turowski's suit after the jump.

A couple of weeks ago, we reported on a lawsuit filed by Jim Ricobene, who claims that a debt collection agency hired by JPMorgan Chase had harassed his daughter on MySpace in their efforts to collect on an unpaid loan. The debt collector is now denying the charge and vowing to file a countersuit. James Papadopoulos of TechSpank has an update on the case, if you're interested. [Techspank, previously]

A great, great story embodying the now-gone boom days: Louis Vuitton teamed up with Japanese pop artist Takashi Murakami for an exhibit, with a pricey store. And the "prints" were just leftover scraps! Very fitting:

"Norm Coleman today proposed a more leisurely schedule for his election appeal than Al Franken wants, asking that oral arguments in the case be held no sooner than mid-May." [Strib]

A world famous evolutionary biologist writing for America's most prestigious magazine can get away with calling New Guinea tribe members murderers and rapist. But do not accuse them of stealing pigs. Now it's on:

This is a tough time for the magazine business, so it's only to be expected that publishers will do whatever is necessary to defend their dying brands. You may have never picked up a copy of Metropolitan Home (or even heard of the title), but Hachette wasn't thrilled to find out that a company has been producing lighting fixtures under the "Metropolitan Home" name, especially since part of Hachette's plan to save the title consists of launching a line of home decor products under the same name.

There's something adorable about Nick Grouf, the babyfaced, waggle-eared cofounder of Spot Runner. Who would think he'd be capable of bilking investors out of tens of millions of dollars, as one shareholder charges?