lawyers

'Evil': Lawyer Who Leapt from Building With Infant Left 13-Page Suicide Note

Max Read · 03/15/13 08:20AM

The 44-year-old lawyer who leaped from her eighth floor apartment with her 10-month-old son strapped to her body in a baby carrier, killing herself but cushioning the blow for the infant, who survived with just a bruise, left a 13-page handwritten suicide note in which she described her final act as "evil."

The Disturbing Fetish Images the Cannibal Cop's Lawyers Don't Want You to See

Max Read · 01/30/13 03:34PM

Images released today by a judicial order provide a disturbing window into the hard drive — and fantasies — of "Cannibal Cop" Gilberto Valle, the NYPD officer accused of plotting to kidnap, kill and eat a woman: a photo of a naked woman, face down, hog-tied on a pan with an apple in her mouth. Another woman, bound and tied to a spit, rotating over an open campfire. A cartoon of a guy in an apron, adding salt to a pot in which a woman is being boiled alive.

Hamilton Nolan · 01/28/13 11:20AM

A law firm charged its client $40,000 just to compile its monthly bill, and other breathtaking legal shit.

Boring, Stable White Collar Jobs Are Increasingly a Pipe Dream

Hamilton Nolan · 01/07/13 11:00AM

Consider the predicament of today's aspiring member of the white collar leisure class: all of the old ways of doing things seem to be falling apart. Law school, once the fallback of choice for lightly-motivated college educated upper middle class twentysomethings who weren't ready to face The Real World after graduation, is no longer a safe bet at all. Well, how about business school? No, no, no.

Chicks Taking All the Good Jobs

Hamilton Nolan · 12/05/12 10:12AM

Enlightened men know that the old system in which the top professional fields were almost completely dominated by"good old boys" simply was not tenable. I mean, the whining alone, year after year... I don't have to paint you a picture. It was just common sense to allow a few more women into the legal and medical professions. Modernization, and all that. Posing for the company "Diversity" brochure. Tending to the legal and medical problems of poopy children. Things of that nature. But, my fellow men, I'm afraid that we have grown lax. Our patronizing offer of PR-inspired pseudo-equality has been getting out of hand.

Second-Tier Law School Dean Desperately Assures You That Law School Is Still a Great Buy

Hamilton Nolan · 11/29/12 04:18PM

Lawrence Mitchell is the dean of Case Western Reserve University's law school, ranked #67 by US News, not that a doctor of jurisprudence like Lawrence Mitchell would concern himself with pedestrian matters such as his law school's low, low ranking. No—Lawrence Mitchell is concerned with more elevated matters, such as the wanton meanness of mean people who say mean things about law school. Have persons no respect?

Drunk Lawyer Locks Herself Out of Apartment, Tries to Break-In Via Garbage Chute, Almost Loses Arm

Taylor Berman · 10/28/12 06:53PM

On Friday night, a wasted lawyer locked herself out of her Manhattan apartment. Pretty standard stuff, right? I mean, who hasn't done that at some point? Well, what's not so standard about this particular case is the part where the lawyer hatched a convoluted drunken scheme to break-in to her own apartment via her building's garbage chute, a decision that nearly cost the woman her arm.

Law Schools Throwing Money at Anyone Desperate Enough to Attend Law School

Hamilton Nolan · 07/30/12 02:04PM

Since the recession and the cruel pulling-out of the rug from under the notional feet of thousands of fresh-faced law school graduates who'd imagined office-bound lives of leisure in their futures, it's become quite clear to everyone that law school is for suckers. Nobody knows this better than people who run law schools. So what to do? Put themselves out of a job? Haha! No, but seriously, they can offer you a great deal on law school right now.

Law Offices Are Basically Slums Now

Hamilton Nolan · 07/16/12 09:32AM

As the entire legal profession has crumbled into little more than a white collar version of janitorial services, times have gotten tough—not just for recent law school grads, but for everyone unfortunate enough to work at a law firm. Naturally, the days of luxurious, opulent law firm offices are over. Uh... in favor of something better!

The Legal Profession Cannot Shrink Itself Fast Enough

Hamilton Nolan · 05/01/12 10:20AM

It is fortunate that the legal profession is renowned for its graceful sense of humor about its own problems, because the "new generation" of lawyers will consist only of one cute dog, because everyone else knows that going to law school would be the worst possible decision that a young adult can make except for eating that third slice of Pizza Hut's new Cheesy Bites™ pizza simulacrum. Let's check in on the depressing mire of gloom that is the legal profession and its educational antecedents, shall we?

It Is Now Completely Clear to Everyone That Law School Is for Suckers

Hamilton Nolan · 03/20/12 09:38AM

We must admit that we will never ever tire of directing your attention to the accumulation of evidence that "law school" is, by and large, a massive fraud perpetrated upon society's most overacquisitive young driftabouts, and one whose effect is to turn out a massive class of highly indebted functionaries whose skill set is not only undeveloped to the point of worthlessness, but that, when developed, is, for the most part, detrimental to the function of justice. The fact that law school's popularity is crumbling away as the magnitude of the systemic scam becomes ever more apparent can only be taken as a redeeming ray of hope for the future of our nation's collective critical thinking skills.

Penn State Hires Evil Dictator-Loving Monster Lawyer

Jim Newell · 12/09/11 04:55PM

Penn State's new president has hired notorious Washington taint sucker Lanny Davis, the former Clinton White House counsel and whiny, self-defeating media booster for Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. Penn State really is committed to fixing its image as the Keystone State's finest enabler of the worst thing in the world.

Why You Should Date Your Lawyer

Lauri Apple · 12/07/11 08:05AM

A bankruptcy attorney recently filed a 75-page brief with the Connecticut statewide grievance committee arguing that laws limiting relationships between lawyers and their clients are "unconstitutional." Not only that, lawyers tend to work harder for clients whom they date. Makes sense!