King Nazir Muhammad, NewsBlaze.com contributing writer and self-proclaimed "Lesbian Messiah," has today advocated his most radical program of gender equality yet: lesbianism for all women. Is the Messiah's program humanity's only hope?

Whinging tabloid moralist Andrea Peyser, who is definitely, without a doubt, a 100% red-blooded heterosexual American woman, simply cannot stop thinking about hero athlete Lindsey Vonn being forced to pee in a cup, while being watched by another woman.

It was inevitable that at some point, I would attempt to dive a muff. It happened when I was 25. After a series of romantic flops, I was frustrated with boys so I decided to switch over to ladies. Because that's how sexuality works: you choose one when another becomes slightly inconvenient.

New York Post sexologistolumnist Andrea Peyser is not one to judge others. Except uppity minorities. And whores. I mean, she practically has to judge whores. Can't just have whores walking around, unjudged. Andrea Peyser's mouth is spilling over with whores.

Andrea Peyser is always on the sex tip, yall! The NYP attack columnist seems to lash out in print as a way to repress her natural urges for, say, some legs that just don't stop.

Stylists are so lucky! They don't actually have jobs, yet they make lots and lots of money and get to hang with celebrities and sometimes have lesbionic relations with them. For example, Gatecrasher hints today: "Which gorgeous Latina actress is said to have a Sapphic relationship with her hair stylist?" Could it be Salma Hayek? Eva Mendes? The lady from My Name Is Earl? Perhaps. All good possibilities. But really, I think, there is only one clear answer to this riddle. And it lies after the jump.