As we ominously forewarned, Leven Rambin, the soap actress, burgeoning gad about town, and (most importantly) person who has something to do with Julia Allison, guest starred on Lipstick Jungle last night. She played herself in the future: a boozy, damaged starlet who crashes limousines and somehow embarrasses Brooke Shields. This clip is also noteworthy in the way it deftly reiterates how stultifyingly bad this show really is.

[Actress and Julia Allison frenemy (right?) Leven Rambin leaving a screening of The Other Boleyn Girl in New York last night; image via Splash]

Teenaged actress Leven Rambin's latest Page Six Magazine column is clearly designed to terrify competing proto-starlets, at least according to a summary sent in by an email tipster. Rambin said she's putting together a debut album, on which she does at least some rapping. "I have about five careers — soap opera actress, model, singer, fashion designer, writer," Rambin writes. How does she do it all? Powerful friends and, uh, NOT seeking attention.

In a move that may send the space-time fabric of the Manhattan gossip media folding in on itself with apocalyptic results, Leven Rambin, the Julia Allison-connected 17 year-old All My Children actress, love object of Hud Morgan, and proto-starlet of the celebrity-industrial complex, has announced that she will be playing a "Lindsay Lohan-esque character" in an upcoming episode of "Lipstick Jungle." So, "does that mean she's a messy party girl with a coke problem?" wonders Ben Widdicombe. "'Oh yes,' Rambin nodded enthusiastically, and then added: 'The character that is, not me.'" The implications are staggering. A recap, a link to a handy visual aid, and a guide to the key questions we now face, below.

What was it they said about Nixon's fall, in the aftermath of the Watergate break-in? It's always the cover-up that gets you. A mildly embarrassing photograph of Hud Morgan in a poncy red scarf, which his boss didn't like, surfaced on the blogs. And word was bound to get out of the 28-year-old Men's Vogue writer's liaison with 17-year-old Leven Rambin from All My Children. Not a big deal, until the thin-skinned gossip columnist very publicly berated his snap-happy blogger friend, Julia Allison, at the Beatrice Inn; and vaguely threatened a former colleague at the Daily News for exposing the affair with the barely legal actress. Something about the item coming back to haunt him. George Rush, from the New York tabloid, is unlikely to be much disturbed. Fruitini-loving Morgan used to fetch for Lloyd Grove, Rush's overpaid internal rival. The column, Rush & Molloy, has just updated its item with new details, of one of Leven's other older admirers, this one much older, whom she had to bar from her apartment building.

Who needs Gossip Girl? Manhattan's real-life dramas are so much more intricate, petty, and intertwined. Publicity whore Julia used to date Jake, Barry's former toyboy, who was bipolar, which might explain why he dated jailbait Leven, who was friends with Britney's younger sister, who's pregnant. Leven now sees Hud, though he once shared a bed with perfume promoter Alan, who's married (to a man!); Hud looks increasingly like his former boss, Lloyd, who introduced him to Julia when the dating columnist and TV commentator moved to New York. Bad move: Julia published a photo of him in a red scarf, looking Lloyd-like, and now Hud's pissed: he yelled at her at the Beatrice, even though pretty-boy Fabian and Chloë were there. (Wasn't she in some movies?) Sooo embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as Julia totally stealing Chloë's red dress (not nearly as nice as the ones designed by Barry's beard, Diane) for Valentine's Day. Or when Emily, Julia's new best friend, hinted that Josh was a premature ejaculator; he certainly got revenge. CLICK FOR CHART »

Hud Morgan's budding relationship with Leven Rambin provokes several responses: admiration, that the Men's Vogue writer, can land women as young and beautiful as the blonde actress from All My Children; disapproval, because Rambin, the "adopted" little sister of Star magazine talking head, Julia Allison, is just 17 years old; but mainly amazement, because fruitini-loving Morgan (right) is the most sexually ambiguous ladies' man in Manhattan. Evidence? Try this, from the former gossip columnist's first journalism gig, at Stanford University in 2001, explaining his desire to be reincarnated as a water polo player. "Watching our water polo team play is a lesson in Arian-erotica sport; a Sparticus meets Seaworld, as we, the pasty plebian spectators champion our heroes who wear the armor of a glistening tan." After the jump, a picture Hud might like.

Julia Allison may have finally met her match. The Star magazine talking head was seen in tears last night at Tara Subkoff's party at low-ceilinged downtown club, the Beatrice Inn. (Party photographs are on Getty Images.) Allison is pretty thick-skinned, her ambition undimmed by the abuse she's received from blogs and former boyfriends. But other party-goers, who included maybe-gay socialite Fabian Basabe, saw her traumatized by a half-hour lecture from Hud Morgan. The belligerent Men's Vogue writer accused the "craven self-promoter" of dragging other people into her bad press. The talking bosom's plaintive response? "I'm a dating columnist. It's what I do. People don't give Candice Bushnell a hard time. Why is everyone so mean to me?!" Why, indeed? (The answers, which include a red scarf, and teen starlet Leven Rambin, after the jump.)

First Leven Rambin, the 17-year-old actress from the daytime soap, All My Children, hooks up with Julia Allison's boyfriend, the magnetic but possibly bipolar Jakob Lodwick. And Allison, Star Magazine's designated talking head on subjects such as premature celebrity death, had regarded Leven as her "adopted little sister". What could be possibly be more cruel than that? Blonde Leven (right) was much photographed at last night's premiere party for doomed TV show, Lipstick Jungle. (One pap agency reckons she's the next in a line for stardom, and degradation, behind Britney, Paris and Lindsay.) Paparazzi? Call Julia Allison! The attention-seeking former dating columnist, seen here on the left, would have been there in a flash. Stealing her boyfriend? Forgiven. Now let's pout for the cameras in an incestuolesbian pose. Except, as several party-goers noticed, Allison was out of the frame. Seems her former protege's publicist kept them apart. Association with Allison, after the hookup triangle became public, is now bad for Leven's image.

Splash News asks: "Looking For The Next Britney, Paris, And Lindsay?" They seem to think that the new all of those miserable trainwrecks is this one little blond girl by the name of Leven Rambin. She's on All My Children, she goes to funky places like "The Lower East Side," and she also slept with noted Internet Famous Person Jakob Lodwick. All at the tender age of not-yet-legal! Jesus. Well, good on Splash for warning her. Soon they shall stalk young Rambin across the vast and dangerous island of celebrity before setting her before us on the great buffet table of fame and demanding we feast. BONUS: After the jump, find out how to buy what she wore to The Box! [Splash]

When Julia Allison, the Star Magazine talking head, explained her breakup with Jakob Lodwick, she blamed the charismatic uber-geek's hookup with one of her "close friends". One assumed Julia usually describes friends as close, so that didn't narrow down the field. But the former dating columnist wasn't exaggerating. We'd read their public breakup, a smaller Manhattan version of the tabloid-selling dissolution of Bennifer, was messy; and their downtown world incestuous. We only knew the half of it. [Warning: anyone who clicks on this story waives any right to complain about excessive coverage of Julia Allison.]

Oho! WE HEAR that model-heiress Lydia Hearst has been shunted aside at Page Six magazine to make way for a similar gal-about-town column by 17-year-old soap star Leven Rambin. Wonder what she thinks of the subway fare hike? Update: Oh, ok, Lydia is "not fired," it's just that Leven will have a column also. The more the merrier.

Socialgay Kristian Laliberte, who does the PR for fledgling label Unruly Heir, had promised us "more of a presentation than a show, with models walking down the runway to inhabit tableaus vivant, or living painting." What this meant: models, dressed in preppie clothes but carrying props such as a croquet mallet, or a ghetto blaster boombox, or a hobo's hankie-on-stick thing, walked down the runway, posed at the end of it it, and then walked over to the side and pretended to "tag" a painting that was pretending to be a fancy painting by spritzing it lightly with pastel spraypaint. One of them threw a tennis ball into the audience! Another walked with an unlit cigarette in his mouth. It was all very badass, very Port Authority meets Palm Beach. Or: very Dalton meets Once I Saw 'Paris Is Burning.' The inimitable Laurel Ptak documented it for posterity.

Teen soap star and Julia Allison protege Leven Rambin eats a lot of egg whites, protein bars, and peanut butter. But that doesn't mean she won't splurge when she goes out to restaurants, especially if they're "trendy." "I went to Highline for dinner. It's really trendy." Also: "For lunch I went to the Ivy with my boyfriend and a couple friends. Very trendy." Know what else is trendy? Binging and purging. "After the awards, I was so depressed that I didn't win that I ate a whole box of really shitty chocolates from the gift bag, and a whole bag of tortilla chips and a whole tin of chocolate-covered Altoids. Then we went to an after-ceremony dinner and I wasn't even hungry. I was going to throw up from all the chocolate!" Sometimes we actually start feeling a little sad and sorry and wish that there were volunteer pro bono publicists for people like Leven.

Leven Rambin Consoles Herself With Chocolate [NYM]

Last night was dating columnist Julia Allison's 17th birthday bash for soap actress Leven Rambin at Tenjune, and the members of the media elite who Julia had invited were all there to celebrate. Well, okay, only HufPo gal Rachel Sklar showed up. But it was still a fun time! Until a doorman had a problem with someone (the guest of honor, maybe?) being underage.

When you hear the name "Leven Rambin," you think of so many things. You might think about how Leven was styled by Kristian Laliberte! Or about how she is the 'adopted little sister' of Julia Allison! And then there's her career as an award-nominated soap opera actress! Well, you'll have to add yet another achievement to that litany: Leven has been selected to be the new face and spokeswoman for Caressa jewelry. It's about time. She shared the happy news in a mass email to her friends and fans.